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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

318 replies

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 15:38

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

OP posts:
BleedingMeDry · 04/12/2024 11:03

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 18:07

DH … well, he could go, but he does have form for forgetting which is another story but I’m not confident he’ll appear to be honest.

Tell your partner to get it together and not forget lest the little dot’s face crumples while he is off doing whatever else. This is his child so he needs to step up. That’s truly awful behaviour (his)

Original poster
charmonachain · 04/12/2024 11:17

BleedingMeDry · 04/12/2024 11:01

Yeah it was. I laughed.

Show quote history

Genuinely, do you think being upset at missing a nativity is dramatic? I haven’t been screaming or wailing or chest beating or anything, but the idea that my upset, even if only internal upset, is a source of amusement is a bit uncomfortable.

@BIWI there are indeed, which makes the very few that one can all the more precious. I didn’t take it as rude but I did take it as dismissive.

OP posts:
LazyArsedMagician · 04/12/2024 11:24

You DON'T think it was dramatic to respond to a post saying "my mum missed my nativity and I survived" by saying "I want more than just survival for my kids thanks"?

Original poster
charmonachain · 04/12/2024 11:44

No. I think I responded to a brusque and dismissive post with a brusque and dismissive answer.

OP posts:
BIWI · 04/12/2024 14:04

Well, now you're being a bit silly, aren't you? It was intended as a lighthearted response to a fairly dramatic OP, as well as offering you the perspective of a child who had been in your child's situation.

So yes, dismissive in that sense - but brusque? Sorry if I didn't write you a long essay explaining my post and tone!!!

Original poster
charmonachain · 04/12/2024 14:09

@BIWI look, your parents didn’t go to your nativities, you managed not to die, great.

Please stop patronising me. It isn’t being ‘a bit silly’ to find your comment dismissive and flippant. Obviously you are well within your rights to make it. But if you’re trying to be helpful, it is reasonable to say that you’re not.

OP posts:
Whatshallwedohere · 04/12/2024 14:10

Kool4katz · 01/12/2024 17:27

I feel sorry for you OP thinking that a primary nativity is such a big deal when it isn’t. I wish they’d stop doing them tbh as they’re such a waste of time and effort in my view.

It is a big deal, especially to the child

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/12/2024 17:36

@BIWI isn't being patronising - just saying it isn't the end of the world if parents can't make it if working

Not making it if they cba is different

You don't seem bothered that dh could go and see your child but won't unless nudged and reminded

FeelingSoOverwhelmed · 04/12/2024 19:44

It does sound like your school is ridiculously inflexible and I can see why that is frustrating and upsetting. Especially if some people are getting to go! Doesn't sound fair.

However...you are coming across as so snippy!! The "I survived" post is meant as a cheer up type thing, and your reaction seems quite dramatic.

I am also a teacher and hardly ever get to go to things like this - I'm secondary so it's difficult to skip exam classes and I have a partially pastoral role so it's hard to be out of school for things like that. And my husband works away most weeks so often my kids don't have anyone there.

I think its absolutely pathetic that your DH will probably "forget" to go too. I know you keep saying it's not really the point but surely you'd be less resentful about not being able to go if you knew he would be there?

MissTrip82 · 04/12/2024 20:09

Wait. There’s another parent who could go but has form for ‘forgetting’?

Come on. There’s a way bigger problem here than not being able to go to this yourself.

Littletreefrog · 04/12/2024 20:16

MissTrip82 · 04/12/2024 20:09

Wait. There’s another parent who could go but has form for ‘forgetting’?

Come on. There’s a way bigger problem here than not being able to go to this yourself.

Yes the child would not be devastated by her parents non attendance/OP wouldn't have to consider pulling a sickie or jacking in her career if the childs Dad could just be trusted not to forget his daughter Pre School Nativity play.

Blondeshavemorefun · 04/12/2024 20:23

MissTrip82 · 04/12/2024 20:09

Wait. There’s another parent who could go but has form for ‘forgetting’?

Come on. There’s a way bigger problem here than not being able to go to this yourself.

Yes op said it twice

I mentioned it and her reply was

That's not the thread is about

GivingitToGod · 04/12/2024 21:45

ByDenimSheep · 01/12/2024 15:51

It sucks. It really does but it’s part of being a teacher. We both teach - we always sent a grandparent it’s the same for your child but it’s not the same for you.
The only thing I ever saw was the year 6 leavers production as it was in the evening and didn’t clash with my school.

This
Comes with the territory of teaching!
I'm not being insensitive.im not a teacher but frequently missed my child's natavity play due to not being able to take leave.
And if school authorises OP to go, the same rule would apply to all staff.
Plenty of parents miss special events due to work responsibilities ( Christmas day etc)
Teachers are fortunate in that they are able to spend time with their children during school holidays.

GivingitToGod · 04/12/2024 21:47

Glasgow1996 · 02/12/2024 20:04

Doesn’t matter time is to precious these days my we boy and girl are both in the nativity this year my son is Joseph and wouldn’t miss it for the world

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I'm pleased you have the choice.
Not everyone does have this

GivingitToGod · 04/12/2024 21:50

User79853257976 · 01/12/2024 19:43

They can book holiday.

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They can request holiday leave but no guarantee that it will be authorised.
Depending on nature of work, there needs to be specific numbers of staff to ensure service is covered

DragonGypsyDoris · 04/12/2024 23:19

charmonachain · 03/12/2024 12:23

@Cromwell1905 - I won’t be pulling a sickie. I was stupid and was honest and got a ‘no’ as a result. So I won’t be making that mistake again.

DH will almost certainly forget, which is a whole other issue but putting that aside. I qualified as a teacher twenty two years ago: deciding at the age of 22 to do something else because nearly quarter of a century later this issue might arise is madness. Next year I shall call in sick, go to my child’s nativity and that is that. Is it something I habitually do, no, is is something I’ve done when I’ve felt the need to, yes, and I will continue to do so.

Pulling a sickie and then appearing in public is a wonderfully effective gateway to disciplinary action. Top marks!

Grammarnut · 05/12/2024 14:24

GivingitToGod · 04/12/2024 21:47

I'm pleased you have the choice.
Not everyone does have this

Show quote history

Why don't the school do it in the evening? This used always to be the case.

Makingchocolatecake · 05/12/2024 18:32

Thought we could get parental leave for stuff like this? Although my school are very flexible and understanding.

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