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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

318 replies

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 15:38

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

OP posts:
Littletreefrog · 02/12/2024 19:45

Which is fine but the teachers on here seem to be suggesting that parents non attendance is causing extreme distress to children. Why are schools knowingly exposing children to that? Or maybe they are just a little upset and get over it with no lasting damage in which case why the exaggeration?

sequin2000 · 02/12/2024 19:46

Could you ask a friend with PPA if they will cover your class then go to the head with that solution?

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 02/12/2024 19:56

ImNoSuperman · 01/12/2024 18:42

Don't be a teacher then <bored>

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👏👏👏.

Glasgow1996 · 02/12/2024 20:04

Littletreefrog · 01/12/2024 15:55

And it's a Nativity not a life or death situation.

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Doesn’t matter time is to precious these days my we boy and girl are both in the nativity this year my son is Joseph and wouldn’t miss it for the world

Notmycircusnotmyotter · 02/12/2024 20:14

That sucks OP. I'm so sorry your school are being arseholes. My DS has his first nativity this year (also preschool) and I am so looking forward to it - would be heartbroken if I couldn't go. I hope they relent or you tell them to stick it.

Flipflop93 · 02/12/2024 20:21

Littletreefrog · 02/12/2024 19:45

Which is fine but the teachers on here seem to be suggesting that parents non attendance is causing extreme distress to children. Why are schools knowingly exposing children to that? Or maybe they are just a little upset and get over it with no lasting damage in which case why the exaggeration?

It is doesn't really matter what teachers do as there will ALWAYS be a parent who complains. You can't please everyone.
The vast majority of parents enjoy them so it doesn't make sense to not run them at all.
Unfortunately, some children are frequently upset in school due to the (much worse) actions of their parents. This is the tough part of being a teacher. As teachers, we see so much of it I guess we are sensitive to it and really want to avoid upsetting our own kids too if we can help it. Especially when it such an easy thing to fix.

Unfortunately, some parents do not seem to recognise or care that children really do value their parents attendance at such events. It is sad. If it can't be helped then that is life. But it most jobs it can be sorted out.

Like the a poster said earlier you never know what is around the corner and we really should be allowed to put our own families first every now and then.

CandyCane457 · 02/12/2024 20:23

Littletreefrog · 02/12/2024 19:45

Which is fine but the teachers on here seem to be suggesting that parents non attendance is causing extreme distress to children. Why are schools knowingly exposing children to that? Or maybe they are just a little upset and get over it with no lasting damage in which case why the exaggeration?

I personally have never said that, so I can’t speak for them!

Cromwell1905 · 02/12/2024 20:24

Flipflop93 · 02/12/2024 20:21

It is doesn't really matter what teachers do as there will ALWAYS be a parent who complains. You can't please everyone.
The vast majority of parents enjoy them so it doesn't make sense to not run them at all.
Unfortunately, some children are frequently upset in school due to the (much worse) actions of their parents. This is the tough part of being a teacher. As teachers, we see so much of it I guess we are sensitive to it and really want to avoid upsetting our own kids too if we can help it. Especially when it such an easy thing to fix.

Unfortunately, some parents do not seem to recognise or care that children really do value their parents attendance at such events. It is sad. If it can't be helped then that is life. But it most jobs it can be sorted out.

Like the a poster said earlier you never know what is around the corner and we really should be allowed to put our own families first every now and then.

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You are aware that the OP has said her husband can attend aren’t you ?

Flipflop93 · 02/12/2024 20:44

Cromwell1905 · 02/12/2024 20:24

You are aware that the OP has said her husband can attend aren’t you ?

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I wasn't responding to the OP.

Feelinadequate23 · 02/12/2024 20:48

OP, gently I think YAB a bit U. Yes, it's rubbish that you miss things like this....but the quid pro quo is that you get all school holidays with your children. That is a HUGE plus that you basically trade in for flexibility in term time.

I will likely make it to my child's nativity but I won't get 13 weeks off a year with them, and will have to pay for expensive childcare to cover half of that time!

Try to keep this in mind - you'll be upset for an afternoon but then happy for 13 whole weeks!

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/12/2024 20:53

It is sad and your head should offer to cover for the couple of hours you’d be away. Any decent people manager would. However you get a quarter of a year off with your child, every bank holiday off, every weekend, every Christmas. You can put them to bed every night. Most parents don’t have that luxury and miss out on a lot so on balance missing nativity is not the end of the world.

Julimia · 02/12/2024 20:59

Oh my word understand perfectly, been there. Have you asked for just a couple of hours off say and been refused? Dreadful wellbeing management if so.

Flipflop93 · 02/12/2024 21:02

Yourcatisnotsorry · 02/12/2024 20:53

It is sad and your head should offer to cover for the couple of hours you’d be away. Any decent people manager would. However you get a quarter of a year off with your child, every bank holiday off, every weekend, every Christmas. You can put them to bed every night. Most parents don’t have that luxury and miss out on a lot so on balance missing nativity is not the end of the world.

Not the point of the thread, but most people get bank holdiays off and these are within the school holidays so if you take them off the 13 weeks it does reduce the holidays a little. Makes it more like 11.5.

Which is ace don't get me wrong!

Sorts us out in the summer holidays and is the only thing keeping most teachers in the profession. I spend most of my Sundays working instead of spending time with my kids so it kind of evens out in the end.
Sorry to derail!

jaimelesoleil · 02/12/2024 21:04

The only time I phoned in sick as a teacher was for my daughter’s first nativity. I knew I wouldn’t get the time off.

Redrunnynose · 02/12/2024 21:05

I was a teacher for many years, now retired. After being told no I couldn't attend my sons school activities a couple of times, I can say I never asked again, I had to lie when I needed to take time off, to see an assembly, a play, a church service, new schools and later university visits.

I sometimes took the whole day off, sometimes an hour or so, i just said I was either ill, had a doctors appointment, car broke down or was in a car jam. I always felt it was ridiculous the Head just said no with no discussion, considering the type of environment we were in.

It was only a few times a year, I worked hard and was never pulled up on it. But I'll always remember seeing my son during those activities. Sorry but I didn't regret it once.

Pomegranatecarnage · 02/12/2024 21:06

That’s rubbish. Many schools do “friendly cover” I have covered colleagues classes for an hour in my free so they can go. We just look at who is free during the 2/3 hours and ask. I always say yes when people ask me!

TeaInBed321 · 02/12/2024 21:11

So sorry OP :(

As much as I loved watching DS2 play the back end of donkey number 3 perfectly!! He was in the nativity for all of 2 or 3 minutes and now at age 10 he can't remember any of it anyway!!

It seems important at the time, but really it's not!! There will be other shows, events etc.. and your DC will.appreciate your presence more as they get older.

Thankyou for teaching our children. 🙏(For the next important gig, take a day sick! Your class children will appreciate you more when they've had a substitute for the day!!)

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 21:29

So why has head said yes to some but no to you ? @charmonachain

Deeperthantheocean · 02/12/2024 21:46

charmonachain · 01/12/2024 15:38

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

I know, no chance. Thankfully they have videos at a very reasonable price (ahem), but they not the same. Xx

DinosaurMunch · 02/12/2024 21:58

Kool4katz · 01/12/2024 17:27

I feel sorry for you OP thinking that a primary nativity is such a big deal when it isn’t. I wish they’d stop doing them tbh as they’re such a waste of time and effort in my view.

Anything my child is in is a big deal to me.

I feel sorry for your child that you don't care about them being in a play. (Do you have a child? Maybe it's sour grapes)

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 07:42

Redrunnynose · 02/12/2024 21:05

I was a teacher for many years, now retired. After being told no I couldn't attend my sons school activities a couple of times, I can say I never asked again, I had to lie when I needed to take time off, to see an assembly, a play, a church service, new schools and later university visits.

I sometimes took the whole day off, sometimes an hour or so, i just said I was either ill, had a doctors appointment, car broke down or was in a car jam. I always felt it was ridiculous the Head just said no with no discussion, considering the type of environment we were in.

It was only a few times a year, I worked hard and was never pulled up on it. But I'll always remember seeing my son during those activities. Sorry but I didn't regret it once.

Absolutely disgraceful, I assume you were paid for this by other parents that could not take the time. Calling in sick and being paid is basically fraud, or have you since paid back the money you were paid for your jaunts ?

My child is taught to tell the truth how can it be right that someone who lied when it suited them teaches children this is so wrong. I guess we have a different set of morals.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/12/2024 10:16

Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 07:42

Absolutely disgraceful, I assume you were paid for this by other parents that could not take the time. Calling in sick and being paid is basically fraud, or have you since paid back the money you were paid for your jaunts ?

My child is taught to tell the truth how can it be right that someone who lied when it suited them teaches children this is so wrong. I guess we have a different set of morals.

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Oh get off your high horse!

pumpkinpillow · 03/12/2024 10:24

Sorts us out in the summer holidays and is the only thing keeping most teachers in the profession.

That's a pretty broad generalisation. I imagine most teachers who are parents value that they get time off when their own children are off, and for many this would have been a factor in choosing that profession, but I really hope it isn't the only thing keeping teachers there.

Original poster
charmonachain · 03/12/2024 11:02

Blondeshavemorefun · 02/12/2024 21:29

So why has head said yes to some but no to you ? @charmonachain

Well, that’s what I’ve asked and I haven’t yet had an answer. Probably to do with PPA but it still seems unfair because I didn’t decide when the play was or when my PPA is.

OP posts:
Cromwell1905 · 03/12/2024 11:26

Bigearringsbigsmile · 03/12/2024 10:16

Oh get off your high horse!

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Do you really think that this is OK ? Its not and I would far rather be on my high horse than at the low point where people think lying and stealing is Ok, but again we all have different morals !