To be so upset I’m missing my child’s nativity?

[charmonachain]

Teacher myself … I really wish I’d just called in sick to be honest which I’ll probably be flamed for but I am a tad gutted. Saying so here so I don’t spend tomorrow swearing.

Yes, you see lots of reasons cited for people leaving teaching (mostly around child/parent behaviour and work load) but it being an inflexible pain in the arse, in an increasingly flexible working friendly world, must be a contributing factor...

It's not unsympathetic to state that for some people the Nativity isn't a big deal and that is why some people can't understand the view point that it is important enough to end your career over.

Different people priorities different things and my post was in response to someone saying they couldn't understand people pretending it isn't a big deal. I was pointing out they weren't pretending some people genuinely do not think it is a big deal.

I think the point is that it isn't an impossible dream. Many schools easily find a way to cover an hour to ensure staff can see their child's nativity. It's daft to compare it to a cancelled surgery, not at all comparable.
Great that you got to see 4 or 5 shows. The OP is facing the idea of seeing 0.

I’m a secondary school teacher and have never missed one of my child’s nativity plays or similar. I have always approached colleagues with the date and time, agreed a reciprocal arrangement to cover each other, and presented it to the headteacher as a fait accompli. I’ve never been turned down across multiple schools, including some who were really militant about cover.

If your child’s father could attend and won’t then that is a whole other issue.

Prioritise

Many years ago I went to an auction where BBC tv were filming one of their daytime shows - there was a big warning sign on the door saying ''If you shouldn't be here, beware!

A few months later, the show was on TV, and my friend and I were shown in the audience several times.

You wouldn't believe the number of people {shop staff /aquaintances} who recognised us ''We saw you on TV!'' - I genuinely thought no one would have noticed.

So yes, if someone took a 'sickie' to go and bid at that auction, they definitely would have been busted.

That's a real shame op. Every school I have worked at has tried hard to support staff who want to attend their own child's nativity or sports day - either in lieu of time given, or unpaid.

Is there an official route to raise this as a suggestion/wellbeing issue?

I think I would stop doing anything extra from now on, and remind them of this every time they asked.

She asked for time off. If she goes off sick and appears at her child's primary school to watch a Nativity play she will find herself being investigated for professional misconduct. Anyway, primary schools should do these things in the evening.

But isn’t this going to be the case for every nativity. Sports Day, Harvest Festival etc in the future?

My friend is a teacher, her school had already told them all that they wouldn’t be allowing any time off in the run up to Christmas. She’s phoning in sick so she can go to her daughter’s first nativity. So instead of loosing her for a few hours they’re loosing her for the full day instead 🤷‍♀️. She’s not really bothered if she gets caught/in trouble as she’s actively looking to get out of there in the summer anyway (they’re also so short staffed that’s it’s unlikely they would sack her for it). Her husband is a teacher in a different school and has been allowed a few hours off to be able to go to it.

I’m so sorry OP, that’s really bloody crap. I work in a school that gives leave no questions asked for the Christmas nativities (I’ve also since heard they allow child’s first day as well - I didn’t ask for those at the time), and it has quite genuinely kept me and other colleagues from job hunting despite it being a super tough school to work in. One year the assistant head covered my Year 12 class (we teach the same subject) so they wouldn’t be impacted because she understood it was super important for me to see my son be a camel!

Can you ask a colleague to cover and offer to pay them back with marking a set of tests and see if SLT would take that as a decent compromise?

I know - and to lots of other professions who miss big days, doctors and nurses can miss Xmas day etc. With the best will in the world from parents, in some jobs, they will miss days. It’s crap but insinuating that their child will barely make it through childhood is a bit off. being rude to people who are trying to be supportive might be a reason why school are less than flexible - sometimes working with other people rather than against them can really help generate solutions.

She might not get the sack, but if the school find out it will go on her record. Which will do her no good at all.

Yep. They shouldn’t have refused her. They have caused stress and it will be relieved by going to the concert.

It is sad but at least you get all the school holidays to spend with your dc. Maybe a grandparent would relish the opportunity to go instead.

In reply to the going in on your days off, have you been quite confrontational r.e highlighting you coming in on your days off and putting it in black aand white to ensure they know how utterly unreasonable they are being. 'So what you are saying is you've allowed me to come in on my days off to help out and now you are not allowing me one hour for a special event?" It doesn't clash with another event going on in the school does it and that's why they've said no.

Ungrateful child. You couldn't go because you have to work to buy the food she eats, the roof she lives under, her Christmas and birthday presents. Tell her. We cannot all go to everything, and most parents now both work - or are single parents - and cannot take time off.

It’s swings and roundabouts OP yes it’s disappointing for you and your child not to get to their nativity play. However think of the wonderful holidays you get to be with your child. My mum worked school hours and never got to school things but I also remember how wonderful it was to have her all summer any sunny day we got to do to the beach/ forest parks etc. Make the most of the wonderful moments you can have with your child.

This is so sad to me that there are schools like this. I teach in a small village school and am able to leave early one afternoon to go to see my DS in his Christmas assembly in a couple of weeks' time. My school see it as fair, as I'll be at school until about 7pm the following night for our Key Stage Christmas performance, so very much give and take. Why can't all schools see this?!

They’d just say it was my choice @Gemma273 , which is sort of true but misses the point a bit!

I'm not sure what to do about my own child's Christmas performance (can potentially use 2 wellbeing hours but would get to work just after the 2 hours runs out 😭). Teaching is the terrible for this, honestly 😓 I'm sorry. And it depends on the school. I've worked for some Heads who are very amenable to letting you go, but current school is unpaid leave only.

To give the teachers more work and extra hours to add on to their already long day. I'm not a teacher but have the greatest respect for them and think they do more than enough without any thanks. Also speaking from experience, my child is 5, just started school and I couldn't think of anything worse than dragging her out after dinner to go to something like this, she wants her bed.

Honestly, I would call in sick, who cares if it's obvious? They can't prove it even if they strongly suspect, maybe take the following day off too to rub it in a bit.

a273 · Today 19:32

To give the teachers more work and extra hours to add on to their already long day. I'm not a teacher but have the greatest respect for them and think they do more than enough without any thanks. Also speaking from experience, my child is 5, just started school and I couldn't think of anything worse than dragging her out after dinner to go to something like this, she wants her bed.

Well then I'd just use the same line everytime they ask for extra help etc. 'That won't be happening, I've put a stop to all extra help or favours as it's never returned" - no apology, no backing down, blunt and straight to the point and hopefully they will realise how unreasonable they are being.