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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

376 replies

outofbattery · 01/12/2024 13:21

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

OP posts:
TheTecknician · 01/12/2024 13:27

If this were my home, this party would be the last one. Unruly children and irresponsible parents (not you) is too much. Definitely no more.

FoxCrumble · 01/12/2024 13:30

Yep, I’d be bringing the parties to an end, I’m afraid.

AllYearsAround · 01/12/2024 13:31

Which parents refused to intervene? The new ones or older friends?
I'd never be inviting them back and I'd ask them to help pay for the damage.
Actually I'd have asked them to leave as soon as they refused to control their children.

Hoardasurass · 01/12/2024 13:32

I think that you need to take photos of everything send them to all the families involved and say that due to the damage you will not be hosting again

Circumferences · 01/12/2024 13:32

Oh wow.
30-40 people half of whom are children 6 or under 😂

I don't know what else you'd expect. Your house is going to get destroyed. I'd never agree to that.
Does anyone else host? Can you pass the baton?

Hercisback1 · 01/12/2024 13:32

I'd have told the parents to take them home there and then. They would also never be invited back.

chipsandpeas · 01/12/2024 13:33

Why the fuxk didn’t you throw them out

Finnulafishface · 01/12/2024 13:35

Have to agree with a PP - why on earth did you just not bring the party to an end as soon as it started happening?

Easipeelerie · 01/12/2024 13:35

It sounds like a combination of the influence of the new family and the fact that all the children are older and therefore more capable of mischief.
I wouldn’t host something like this again. I wouldn’t want people in my house who are just using it and not respecting it.

Itisjustmyopinion · 01/12/2024 13:36

Photos of the damage on a group chat now saying that while this has been fun in previous years if this is what it is going to be like going forward now that the kids are older then the party won’t be happening again

Cant trust that this won’t happen again especially without adult supervision and as well you don’t tolerate your neighbours getting inconvenienced

I don’t know why you didn’t ask them to leave when they said they wouldn’t parent their children

RedPalace · 01/12/2024 13:37

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?!

I suspect its a bit of both. Different kids, different dynamics, but equally, as kids get older "running riot" tends to take on a different form. The new family how do they fit in the mix, do the kids know each other and how? It could be a case of them being older and bored so showing off to the younger ones. Either way, I would make it know to the whole group that the kids behaviour was out of order, and next year I'd plan an adult-only party with the kids having babysitters at home (possibly with yours on a sleepover with closest friends)

greenbirds · 01/12/2024 13:38

This is not normal. We are part of a group of 7-8 families who celebrate New Year together. Between us there are 14-16 adults and at least 20 children. No-one's house has ever been damaged other than the occasional spillage or accidental breakage of a glass. Not when the children were small or now that they're older teenagers. Our supervision is light touch but attentive when needed. Your friends need to see photos of the damage without pointing fingers at specific children so that everyone can ensure this never happens again.

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/12/2024 13:38

I think it’s a bloody miracle you’ve been leaving 15 under 6s pretty much unsupervised for years and this is the first time you’ve had a problem tbh!

Daisybuttercup12345 · 01/12/2024 13:39

Next year hire a hall and do the catering between you. I would never host a party like this again at home.

PrimalLass · 01/12/2024 13:40

The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'

Don't ask them back.

PrimalLass · 01/12/2024 13:42

YaWeeFurryBastard · 01/12/2024 13:38

I think it’s a bloody miracle you’ve been leaving 15 under 6s pretty much unsupervised for years and this is the first time you’ve had a problem tbh!

We had Hogmanay parties for a few years with children this small. There was only ever a problem with the boys from one family. We knew them well tbh so expected it.

discomongoose · 01/12/2024 13:42

Wow, I thought you were going to say the kids were teens or similar. But the oldest were 6/7 and you had 15-20 of them pretty much unsupervised?! Way too young to be leaving them out of sight like this and you should have expected things would get damaged. This is on you and the other parents, not the kids. Whatever possessed you?!

Also young kids leaving your property without you even noticing, you should count yourself lucky the worst thing that happened was possessions being damaged and none of the children got hurt!

EmotionalSupportPotato · 01/12/2024 13:44

Hoardasurass · 01/12/2024 13:32

I think that you need to take photos of everything send them to all the families involved and say that due to the damage you will not be hosting again

This

Havalona · 01/12/2024 13:46

The only place for a gathering like this is in the Summer in the back garden. With a portaloo and external doors locked.😂

Onand · 01/12/2024 13:47

I can’t imagine this chaotic nightmare. You’re mad for doing it in the first place but don’t repeat it next year whatever you do- unless you can afford to decorate after and have a company come in to deep clean

iridescentsnowflake · 01/12/2024 13:48

discomongoose · 01/12/2024 13:42

Wow, I thought you were going to say the kids were teens or similar. But the oldest were 6/7 and you had 15-20 of them pretty much unsupervised?! Way too young to be leaving them out of sight like this and you should have expected things would get damaged. This is on you and the other parents, not the kids. Whatever possessed you?!

Also young kids leaving your property without you even noticing, you should count yourself lucky the worst thing that happened was possessions being damaged and none of the children got hurt!

I agree with this!

FictionalCharacter · 01/12/2024 13:48

I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'.

At that point, you should have told them to take their kids home.

noworklifebalance · 01/12/2024 13:48

I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me

Here lies the crux of the problem.
Zero consequences.

And no, this is not normal behaviour for 7-8y olds or any NT child above the age of 2 or 3y. They definitely know what they were doing was wrong.

NINP · 01/12/2024 13:51

This is not normal behaviour. Even at a young age my dc would have known it was wrong to draw on walls and leave marks in furniture. Also using froot shoots as water pistols inside. These dc have not been brought up to respect other people’s property. I expect their parents are very pleased with their ‘gentle parenting’ style.

Fundays12 · 01/12/2024 13:52

I have 3 kids age 12,8 and 5 no way would they behave like this in our home let alone in anyone else's. It's nothing to do with age but downright bad behaviour and poor parenting. These kids are old enough to know better than that. A toddler getting hold of pen and drawing on something because they don't understand it damages furniture etc is one thing but a 8 year old drawing on furniture is outright bad behaviour. They would never be in my house again

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