To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

I would not be hosting again! Although if you've been leaving that many small kids together without adults actually in the room I'm surprised nothing happened before now.

The parents of the problem kids need to cough up the cash for the damage to your home as their off springs behaviour is their responsibility, not yours.

This is likely the effects of kids who are growing up without boundaries and correct discipline, its pretty atrocious tbh.

Well you have a whole year to decide @outofbattery

You can say something now or wait until next year?

You can be direct "due to the damage and chaos of the last party, we are going to try and find a venue this year" or you can be vague "as the kids are getting older we are going to suggest a venue for this year's party"... in fact you could suggest a venue and everyone splitting the costs!!

You could leave the family with the feral children out next year

You could name and shame them immediately today and ask them to pay towards the damage.

I mean the possibilities are endless.

I am wondering how you've managed to have so many parties without (seemingly) much supervision of the children?

I'm also wondering if it was so much wilder this year, why none of your other guests (who you seem to know well) said a word? Which also begs the question why you stood by and let your house get trashed?

I'd probably say nothing but not hold the party next year.

Bloody hell OP talk about inviting chaos into your home. You've been lucky until this point. I can't imagine a worse combination than drinking adults and highly excited children.

Some children do play out. That's up to the parents if they can or not.They were the other parents responsibility not the OP's.

Take photos of the damage. Upload them to the group chat or SM and say due to these unfortunate events there will be no more parties.

Kids can be little buggers the older they get anyway. You'll have to sack off the kids coming at least

Also agree, after the second request to deal with the kids was ignored I’d have been turning music off, drinks not being topped up and the kids would each have been returned to their own parents with a polite “really sorry but I’ve just seen benji tipping paint on the floor/ drawing on the walls, he’s getting a bit over excited, I’ve said mum/ dad will help him calm down so here he is. Obviously he can’t do [x] it’s just not fair/ safe/ will damage the house. If you guys need to take a time out or one of you take them home we completely understand.” Why didn’t you stop it if it was that bad- perhaps others thought that you didn’t really mind if you didn’t step in, once they made it clear that they weren’t going to.

This. The behaviour from both the children and the new children’s parents was unacceptable, but I think the adults were being unreasonable to leave so many children of that age unsupervised for that length of time. The fact that they were able to leave the house to knock on a neighbour’s door was dangerous, and much worse could have happened.

I mean, yes, it sound grim - how loud was the adult side of the festivities if you couldn't hear them hammering on tables, etc?! - but after the first bout of destructive fun, did no adult decide to sit in with them to ensure no further chaos was caused? Hands up, I've never run a house party with small kids, but it sounds a bit... Primrose Hill.

We have parties like this (enormous family). They work brilliantly. Yes we get crisps trodden into the carpet, a spilt drink sometimes, very occasionally something like a lamp knocked over. But never anything worse, even when all 17 of the cousins are there together.

I’d send photos as others have said and never invite the ‘what’s the point’ parents again

YABU. What do you expect letting that many kids run riot unsupervised?

I would want to scream “Well keep telling them until they take some fucking notice! Try reading a bloody parenting book!”

”It didn’t work so I just stopped” is so wet.

Why on earth were that many small children left unsupervised repeatedly for extended periods? Adults to blame here entirely. You're all lucky only stuff got broken.

Time to stop having this get together unfortunately. We used to do this with 5 families in total. A couple of years ago all the kids had an argument whilst in another room which caused lots of falling out between adults and I never did it again. Things change

They shouldn’t have been left unsupervised for that long and the fact they got out of the house and were banging on neighbours doors and not a single adult noticed is really concerning. I agree with previous posters, photos of damage to WhatsApp group and letting them know you won’t be hosting them again.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference
I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'What's the point? They don't listen to me!'

If, as it sounds, it's the new family taking this attitude, the answer's quite simple: don't invite them in future, and if asked why say you won't be free to manage their DCs

I've had these parties, as have most of my social circle, starting from similarly young, eldest now 14, and still going on 2-3 times ines a year. Really nice for the kids to have their own dynamics and space. For all the pearl clutches, they're not completely unsupervised, but they are doing their own thing with regular check-ins and a well-understood set of ground rules (not going on adult bedrooms, no-one gets left out, no going out the front etc). Never had a problem like this. The games the kids enjoy change with age, but the behaviour stabdards don't. Agree it's the useless parents. I'd like to think I'd follow up directly with them to say I'm upset about the damage- but I'd be likely to just chalk it up to experience and never invite them again.

I saw the dynamic change a couple of kids can bring into a group last summer. An activity party outside, with 8 yo children going round it in groups of 5. One group had 1 very unruly kid who was completely uninterested in playing the game, and wholly focused on crossing every line. Before long, all the kids in that group, who were previously excited about the activity and wanting to be the winning team, were semi-hysterical, stealing and sabotaging equipment from the other groups, climbing on the boundaries, generally being hooligans. Just little kids - but almost unreachable after the ringleader changed the game.

I’ve had that. Didn’t invite them back. Ironically one is now a really good mate of my son is has grown up to be really pleasant. He’s allowed back now!

Don’t invite the new family/kids to your next party, do a damage inspection after that, if it’s appears it was two specific kids from 1 family doing all of this - don’t invite them ever again.

Agree with the above. I thought this was going to be children 10 and above.

6 and under?? No way do you leave them unsupervised. That sounds really dangerous. Children in a group will end up doing things that they would never think of doing otherwise. Negligent actually.

When you were saying there was little supervision of the kids as they'd got older I was not expecting you to follow that up with the oldest are 6. A big group of kids that age really need more supervision. My kids 12 and 15 and their friends are more able to be left alone. That said, it does sound like the new kids with the "they don't listen to me parents might have been a bad influence". The would've been marched back to the kitchen and made to sit with the adults if they couldn't behave in my house.

I'd put something on the group chat saying you've only had to spend an hour clearing up before this year, but these are photos to show what's happened this time. I'd also say that the neighbours had all complained, too. Tell them you won't be hosting everyone again. I'd show in my message how angry and upset I was.