To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

Don’t invite them again.
Job done

You'd delete them? What?

As you have found out, to your cost, a large bunch of 3-7yos need supervising. That’s really all there is to it.

The new family might have started things (or they might not have) but the others followed them. That means that they don’t have sufficient decision making skills to be left unsupervised.

I think you have all been reckless with the arrangements - despite no major problems prior to this year.

And if you instil decent behaviour into your children/respect for property etc, they don’t wreck things as teenagers either.

@outofbattery

The party sounds like a really great time for all involved and I'd hate to completely shut it down because one family ruined one year.

If you're absolutely certain that the 'new' children were the instigators and the other children were simply 'carried away' by them then I might chance one more party. But I would NOT invite this 'new' family. If asked by them or anyone, I would speak the truth.

I'd have a good discussion with the other parents about what happened this year. Not in an accusatory way, just that this year things didn't 'go well' and that next year all of you will have to give your children a stern warning of consequences if anything starts up and that all the parents will have to keep a closer eye on the kids and that if 'chaos erupts' the party will either be shut down immediately or the parents of any troublemaker will be expected to take their child/ren home then and there.

I'm guessing that the 17% of people who think YABU probably have kids like this.

You let them all leave?

I would have let not one child or parent leave until the pen was of the walls and everything was tidied up, especially the Fruit Shoot mess.

We once had a party and a child decided to.pour my DHs brand new bottle of expensive aftershave down the toilet. He then encouraged others to smash stuff and draw on walls. When his useless parents were tackled on it, they said it was "just how he is".

I got out cleaning supplies and not one of them left until they had tidied up. The parents of the other 3 were mortified and made their DC clear up, and helped. The other ones parents refused.

I sent them a bill for the aftershave and told them I would pursue it further if necessary on principle. They paid up. I also warned school about it who said they weren't surprised.

Suffice to say they never got invited again, to my home or anyone else's.

I’m hoping they meant from the invite list. 😂

So if the parents wouldn't deal with it, did you?

It's your home

I wasn’t addressing that particular issue however

Mmmm
tricky one
malicious damage should be compensated for.

Have you never read Lord of The Flies OP?

No - I voted YABU because I think OP brought the problems on herself by having a party and knowingly leaving a bunch of 3-7yos largely unsupervised. The consequences are pretty easy to foresee, so I don’t think the OP should actually be shocked. And my children definitely never behaved like this - now adults.

Omg when you said leaving them alone as they get older I thought you meant waaay older 😳 6 is the oldest?! Were they safe on their own? I couldn't leave kids that young unsupervised

???
I’ve already responded to that one.
Don’t invite them again

Its def the new dynamics, especially the ones who said "there's no point"

but what about all your other friends?

What the hell were they thinking. they should have been supporting you too.
It sounds like you were running around trying to sort them all out whilst everyone else enjoyed the party and essentially left you to babysit.

I would be writing all them the same letter with pics to say what went on and saying how hurt and disappointed I was that no one thought to step in and help, given how many years you've been hosting...What used to be a lovely get together has been utterly spoiled.

See what response you get.

We had a party in the summer - Never again. People are beyond disrespectful.

Fair enough. She was aware her house was being trashed and just let it happen.

I stopped reading when you said the oldest child there was 6. You left a large number of children that young unsupervised?? What on earth did you expect to happen?! You’re completely unreasonable.