To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

I wouldn't expect my home to be destroyed. I didn't know anyone whose children would destroy a home, and parents who would allow it to happen.

I voted YABU. Essentially, a whole load of 6/7 and unders were left unsupervised to annoy neighbours, jump over fences and leave the property, whilst parents had a nice party and didnt notice?

It feels like something only the middle classes can get away with.

The two new kids sound like mini sociopaths.

Personally, I can leave my DC6 to play unsupervised in a safe environment such as someone's home but I do increasingly find that other people haven't raised their children to respect other people's homes and possessions.

We were recently guests at a friend's house party. I caught one 6yo stealing money from the host child's piggy bank. I asked him to put it back because it wasn't his and went and told his Dad so he could handle it (I would have had serious words had it been mine). His Dad just shrugged and said 'I don't know what to do, you can't really say anything to him otherwise he just screams'. God knows what said child is going to be like in a few years.

I would have asked the new family to leave.

No more parties

That's what I thought!

You genuinely think that society applies the same standards to people, no matter what their background or social class?

I have so many issues with this post I don’t actually know where to start.

These kids were not supervised.

Under 6’s leaving without anyone noticing.

None of the other children telling an adult about destructive behaviour yet destructive behaviour it’s outside of usual behaviour.

This has got to be a wind up.

I'd be sending their parents a bill for the damages and never inviting them to my house again.

Agreed, but she shouldn't have had to.

I agree here. It’s a mix of things and the older kids will have been egging on each other to do things they’re not supposed to do.

That would be the end of parties though at my house.

That’s terrible OP! Those parents sound
totally ineffective. Sorry about your walls and furniture, that would really upset me too.

I do think it’s a bit mad to leave 15 kids 6 & under basically unsupervised, and to assume that if it was fine when they were younger it’ll just get easier and more fine as they get older….. kids get cleverer and more adventurous and less sweet and more capable physically (how did they climb the garden fence without an adult noticing??), sillier and therefore more chaos ensues!

I agree with the not supervising and under 6s leaving without notice, who does this? and surely you’d know if you’re parents of age 6 kids that they egg each other on to be naughty (unless they’re watching a DVD which holds their attention)?

Honestly, though, some of these replies about how you have to expect that little kids will destroy stuff. When I was a small child I knew I wasn't allowed to damage other people's possessions, in fact I was taught not to touch what didn't belong to me. I'm not saying I would have always obeyed, but it was certainly taught to me. (And no, I'm not 80 and didn't grow up in a 'seen and not heard' household.)

I do realise kids don't always do as they are told, but I get the feeling some pps think it's impossible to instil respect for other people's belongings into small children and that you just have to accept they will destroy stuff. It's not the case.

Sounds a bit dangerous if kids are climbing an adult sized fence with no one noticing.

Any huge family and friends parties I’ve been at with kids there’s usually an expectation you keep an eye on the kids or there’s TV on for the kids in one room.

I'm surprised you've never had damage before with toddlers, etc. but this is next level. Never invite this family again!

I agree with you that kids know not to do naughty stuff but a lot of kids (my DNephew and his peers) will, if not kept an eye on, do silly and stupid things from time to time especially if there’s eg 2 of them and parents aren’t watching. Is it due to lax parenting? I don’t know.

Those are badly behaved kids and parents.

That said, I would never let that many children be that unsupervised in my home — precisely because I would not trust them all not to destroy it. I wouldn’t expect them to destroy it but I wouldn’t trust them not to.

Indeed

Spot on.

The SS would be down on a WC family for Neglect .. Doubt OP will be on their radar at all . Double standards.
Watch the kids, OP.

Well done kids! You have spoilt it for everyone!!!! And let's have a round of applause for poor parenting too!

It would be the last time I would host the party too. Next time any of the adults suggest a party tell them to either host themselves or book a venue, pool the cost of hiring the room and cater for your own family - job done!

I have GC of a range of ages and NONE have ever behaved like that in anyones home and my AC would have swiftly stepped in if there was a mere hint of untoward behaviour.

If you can't decide/ figure out who's to blame then it would no more parties for me.
As another poster said...take photos of the damage and send them to the other parents explaining why the will be no more parties

You must be so hurt. Don’t invite them back. Ever.

Send pix round saying how sad you are.

Awful. I know two people this has happened to. One was left with an industrial cleaning bill of £500 after her GP friend went in for gentle parenting on a toddler.