To feel shell shocked at the party aftermath?

[outofbattery]

I'm a bit shell shocked and need to air my thoughts somewhere.

We had a party at home last night. It's an annual event, with 8-10 families. So about 30-40 people. The parents are usually in/around the kitchen and dining area and the kids have the run of the lounge and kids bedroom upstairs. Pretty hands off adulting. Kids get checked on periodically/we're not far away if needed. This has worked well for years, with the amount of supervision decreasing as the kids get older. We're just next door if anything starts sounding suss. The oldest kids who usually come are now around 6. I'd say usually it takes me around an hour to clear up the chaos of the fancy dress box, toys etc from the kids. Very few broken items (accidents happen, that's fine) or disasters. Everyone plays nicely together.

Yesterday we had a new family in the mix, and I cannot believe the difference. The children (not just the two new ones I'm sure, but they seem to have been the instigators) have drawn on walls, hammered a wooden table with I presume a pen so it has chips in the varnish and dents in the wood, they've taken additional food and hidden the evidence (wrappers stuffed down the back of the sofa and under the carpet etc). They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening, used fruit shoots as water pistols. A bunch of the kids were discovered under the bed in my room at one point as these children were leading a hunt for Christmas presents. Anything I asked them not to do they then either did or tried to get others to do it. They lied directly to my face, convinced the youngers to carry out tasks which would get them in trouble. The list goes on. I asked the parents to intervene several times and the response was 'what's the point? They don't listen to me!'. I know it wasn't just them doing the things, but I'm very certain it was the older/newer two leading the way on everything. Am quite astonished how quickly the other 15 or so children stopped behaving like the nice, trustworthy, chilled out kids that they usually are.

I can't decide whether it's these two in particular and to never invite them to my home again, or is this just what we have to look forward to from 7 (almost 8) year olds?! We've honestly never had an issue in the past even with 10+ tiny toddlers/preschoolers/5 year olds running riot.

Really upset about my walls and furniture :( feel like I've come into the scene of a 'teenagers left alone' party, not a bunch of 3-7 year olds!!

Hi sorry your party got sabotaged. Most of our parties and friends parties were like this, most of the socialising was similar. We where lucky though we always had an older cousin or babysitter to keep the younger ones in order. Sounds like you need to drop the new family.

They played knock and run on my neighbours door (climbed the garden fence which the littlest definitely can't do), kept turning up the music till it was deafening,

Obviously this is bad, but they wouldn't have been able to do any of this if the adults in the house - of which there were many, if there were 8-10 families present - hadn't just left a bunch of kids to go feral.

I know that previously it's been fine, but when it became clear that things were not fine (eg the music situation etc) why the fuck didn't any of the adults actually step in?

Completely this!

That's not how I've read the OP's updates to be fair.

The number of people who are saying that children are 'unsupervised' when the OP has said that people were milling around, in and out of the space where the kids were, following toddlers, correcting behaviours that were caught etc. The children were basically playing in a house full of adults, and some did some shitty stuff. I'm not even sure how but ime determined kids can get a lot done if they've a mind to. Especially if they're sneaky enough to be hiding behind the curtain to draw on the wall. Even the knock and run situation the OP explained it pretty well for anyone who's read it.

What level of supervision are this generation of kids growing up with considering the number of comments from people who consider that to be unsupervised. Has big brother taken over this much that six year olds aren't offered a moment to hang out with mates when they're mere metres away from adults? An adult is literally meant to be watching their every move in case they step a toe out of line? I think I'd rather have humans who have some freedom, even if at worst that means a bit of pen on the walls.

I can only assume you've not rtft, or the OP's updates. Either that or you need to take a step back and stop smothering your poor kids.

She's said she read them the riot act...and that adults dealt with the water upstairs and made them clean it up/corrected various behaviours throughout the evening...

I'd be quite interested to know how you read reading them the riot act as equalling not having a spine too to be fair. Likewise my friends making people tidy up messes, reminding them about boundaries (after they'd been in my room) and all the rest of it.

Please do enlighten me on how we're spineless? Short of ending the party, which as I've mentioned no incident in isolation felt worthy of...I'd really love to know. Although perhaps you've genuinely gone to bed, hmm?

@GiddyBiscuit are you @ThatPearlViewer ?

Why on earth are you friends with the new couple. What a pair of idiots : 'I can't do anything, my kids don't listen to me' , would equal end of friendship.

This, absolutely this!!

How anyone can think that leaving children unattended, that young is ok, then they need their heads testing in my opinion.

Say a child got something stuck in their throat, how long would it have taken for a child to run and get a grown up to come and do back slaps on them ?

I think the issue of the topic here is the fact that under 7s are left without any adult supervision and that’s it’s deemed ok ‘leave them longer now they’re a bit older’!?!?
Not the state of your home OP

Children need supervising u didn’t do not shocked there have been issues.

I'm not sure what you'd expect leaving kids that young unsupervised, of course they're going to do all the things you asked them not to, especially in a large group. Sounds like a mixture of irresponsible parenting and kids being kids.

Mein gott. Kids are sometimes allowed to play in another room semi supervised. Sometimes not trailing them every second and child proofing absolutely everything helps create more resilient sensible children who can do more than stare safely at a screen and don't get anxiety every time life throws them a curve ball. OP does these parties all the time and clearly it works fine.... even with toddlers. Sounds like a great mum.

(I love the detective work that goes.on Mumsnet threads too.... "You say x, but earlier you said y... Which is it .... you lying liar?")

Yeah this. This thread is mental. Keep having the parties op but without the useless parents and their kids.

Take photos, and send them to all the guests, not just the parents of the presumed miscreants, and add a note saying that owing to the damages caused this year, it will unfortunately be the last gathering of the kind at your home, thus imply that if they want a party, they can jolly well hire a venue, or use their own house.

Jesus Christ lol 😆

I’m not the only one who read her post and thought it sounded like they were more unsupervised than they were.

Happy Sunday ☺️

Cool name btw.
Talking Heads are 👌🏻

I've had similar experiences. Some children (older or disruptive) can act as catalysts and turn a generally well behaved group. Decide who you really want at your gatherings and only invite them.