Vile text

[JustWondering222]

My 10yr old received a horrendous text last night (honestly I've never seen anything like it. So many swear words, telling him to kill himself 😧 telling him to suck pussy, telling him everyone hates him (the f word was used quite a few times as were other foul swear words.. basically every other word was a swear word and the general message was to go kill yourself because you r the worst of the worst) from someone that's normally a good friend. I was really shocked because my DC is quite innocent and didn't even understand half the message or half the words used.

I sent the mum a screenshot so she can ask her child about it and have talked to my DC about it and he feels ok. I praised him for showing me the text. He knows I've texted the mum so is worried he'll get called a snitch, but otherwise he's fine. I've reassured him he did the right thing. He's quite popular at school and has never been bullied or received anything like this before. The two boys are normally good friends and have a lovely friendship group. They've known each other several years, had playdates etc..

My question is, is it enough just to raise this with the boys mum, or would you also mention something to school? (I'm just quite shocked at the language and venom coming out of a 10yr old. I'm a bit worried about the boy to be honest.. Also a bit worried because another child might get v upset by this kind of message. My son has another friend that is very vulnerable and has sen and the boy that sent the message previously had a falling out with this child. If he sent such a text to this boy, or another like him, it would likely quite severely impact them.)

That’s a different discussion. A smart phone didn’t cause this or make it easier. A text to a dumb phone would have done the same. Or it could have been written on paper. Or spoken.

Apologies. I didn't mean to make light. I learnt about Breck Bednar a few years ago and was deeply moved by what happened to him. I see a lot of my oldest son in him and he seemed like such a lovely boy with lovely parents. I in no way meant to refer to him in any way as to cause offence. I apologise if that was the case or I did that. I chose my words poorly. I am sorry.

I have been moved by the way that Breck's family wanted to raise awareness and use a film about their son to raise awareness of online safety. It is because of them, and Breckland, that I feel empowered to keep my own children safe from online harm.

I apologise for any offence caused.

I've only read your posts @JustWondering222, so apologies if this has already been suggested, but I wondered if perhaps this boy had been sent the message by someone else, and not knowing what to do about it, simply forwarded it on to your DS, knowing that he would raise it with you. Perhaps he felt really upset, and his first thought was to pass the "upset/scared" feelings on to somebody else? I don't know, it was just something that came to mind - I'm sure the boy's Mum will be having a good look at his phone today anyway, but worth checking to see if this message was sent to him originally.

You did not do it the wrong way round. You were absolutely right.

Sorry I mean Breck not Breckland, I'm all fingers and thumbs this evening. Apologies.

Sorry this has happened to your son as it can only change the relationship with this friend and dent his trust.

Please please tell the school. This is not about getting the boy into trouble but keeping your son and others safe. And flagging that this child may need help. It can only be a good thing to let them know.

As an aside, I can’t believe the mother hasn’t rung you, esp as she is a friend. It sounds as if she is under-reacting. I would be cooling things right down with their son and with them unless they step up.

Thank you

Definitely tell the school.

OP I've seen weird posts on TTok joking about ' go kill yourself '. It's almost like the full relevance and implications of this aren't entirely understood by some younger brains. I am not excusing it, because it's wrong and concerning.

I've seen it used during gaming as a 'joke' expression.

You're now prepared for the hell that may ensue come secondary where even if yours isn't onSMedia outside of TTok, peers will be.

You'll need to scan the phone daily is my advice now we are dealing with all sorts of horrors.

My conclusion, this stuff is god damn dangerous.

Ditto
Other children need to be safeguarded against receiving same

Not only am I concerned for your son as this an upsetting thing to expierence but also for the other child if this is so out of character for him.
My first thought would be another kid playing a cruel joke or to stir the pot between the two. However if this is ruled out I'd be really concerned with what's going on with him. I know people will say it's all about your child, and that's true but safeguarding is everyone's buisness and this child may need help and support from outside his family.
I maybe completely wrong of course, but I'd like to see a child supported and helped if needed.

The reason I say school is that they can elevate it to a school issue and have talk about online bullying and safe online practices. They can message parents generally about safe online practices. They can keep an eye on this boy and it will encourage any other parents of kids who receive any form of online bullying to report too.
I can tell you from experience that dealing directly with other parents may not work out well for any of the kids involved. There are some batshit parents out there.

Please let the school know and show them the message. If you have a campus police officer also show them. This is serious and it may also be a child protection issue for the other child too

We had a situation unfold in my childs primary school luke this. My child received a text as did many others. It escalated as was left undealt with properly and was really terrible. You need to tell the school. The school should then contact the police and get them to do a talk to all the kids. Social services will be informed and involved if it escalates. The school need to know and they need to investigate and get it under control asap.

The OP has said numerous times that she will be telling the school tomorrow morning.

Behaviour like this escalates if left unchecked. You need to report this to the school and the police. The police have programmes they can refer perpetrators to rather than prosecuting them.

I think when parents make the safety argument to defend giving their young children smart phones, it’s understandable but not entirely right.

I actually think it’s more about parents wanting to maintain control via the tracking apps etc - what parent wouldn’t want to know exactly where their 10 year old is at all times? But I think we need to be honest about this. It’s just as much about parents wanting the comfort of the tracking as it is about their own child’s safety. On balance I think that parents are prioritising their (natural) desire to know where their kids are at all times over their children’s actual safety and well-being.

I agree with other posters that giving smart phones to primary aged children and young teenagers is collective societal madness. I think brick phones are a good compromise.

A brick phone wouldn't prevent a text message saying the same thing.

Definitely raise it with the school. I actually wound have not sent anything to the other mum before talking to school.

DS1 - almost 10- goes to a middle school and they are not allowed phones at school at all in Y5 and 6. In Y 7 and 8 they can have them but must be in bags and turned off from the minute they enter the school site until they leave.

It's not an issue. DS1 has never asked for a phone. DH and I rarely use ours at home so he doesn't see them much. We don't have any computer games stuff either.

We do have ipads but use them sparingly when DC are around.

I'd be asking to speak to the DSL (designated safeguarding lead) first thing Monday morning and showing them the screenshots

It could add to a picture they potentially have about the other boy, there will be a reporting system they log any concerns on, this could be part of a bigger picture

Its worrying the way he's using the language in the right context, it could be something such as access to watching completely inappropriate things for his age (still a concern) or more to it

Tell the school. It's a safe guarding issue.
If this boy is over 10 he could get into trouble with the police. Hopefully his parents will deal with it in a suitable way.

Yes I expect school will do a lesson on phone/internet safety and how to behave to others.

I agree

When I was young and I walked home from school or played out, I always had a 10p or phone card to use to phone home in emergencies. There aren't any phone boxes these days so a phone is v handy. My son will often text after school to let me know he's running late because he and friends went to the park, or he'll text to ask if he can go to a friend's house. I often get photo updates of him and his friends building a den or something :) He uses his phone v responsibly. I don't see the difference between text / whatsapping on a smart phone Vs a box phone, as long as parental monitoring is in place and children cannot access things like tiktok etc.. The smart phone has the added advantage that if child was in danger etc.. we could track the phone.