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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
BurntBroccoli · 01/12/2024 10:50

Just get rid!

Jellycatspyjamas · 01/12/2024 10:50

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right, in any circumstances. The circumstances make his behaviour particularly vile.

TheSomething · 01/12/2024 10:53

I suspect the small majority that have voted yabu have done so with the thought that yabu to even be with him at all.

Time to call it a day op.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 10:54

Nap1983 · 01/12/2024 10:43

Honestly, i shouldn't have written that. He honestly sounds like a horror.. Get rid!

Not at all! I can see how it sounded like boasting now. Actually, I am very happy in Economy and I don’t associate “Business” with actual class. I must say, he demanded Business class from me but on our holidays that he paid for, we flew Economy and that was fine with me. I’ve been acting like an idiot and I am now going to stand up for myself, no matter how much he tries to gaslight me.

OP posts:
Scarlettpixie · 01/12/2024 10:55

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is NEVER a right.

I am sorry for your loss 💐

MarvelJesus · 01/12/2024 10:57

If he wants sex in return for having given you money, that doesn’t sound like a partnership, does it? It sounds like something else entirely. He is also showing you about as much emotional support as he would a prostitute, so it all fits.

You have about 20 years ahead of you as this man’s nurse and sex doll. I don’t think that’s a way many women would want to spend their 60s and 70s.

I would throw him out of the room and tell him to make his own way home, because you can’t bear to see his face ever again. I’m sorry you’re going through all this, but it will be so much easier without worrying about obligations to this revolting leech.

Keepingittogetherstepbystep · 01/12/2024 10:59

Send him home and if you've already got a ticket downgrade it to economy.

He sounds insufferable.,

Edenmum2 · 01/12/2024 11:00

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand isn't right in ANY relationship, in any circumstance

Cardinalita90 · 01/12/2024 11:01

He sounds repulsive. If you can afford to can you book him a (basic) hotel room for the rest of the trip just to get him out of your parents bed and house? Probably cheaper than rearranging a business class flight. I know you shouldn't have to pay but he's unlikely to go by himself and I'd just want such a disrespectful person out of my parents home and stop memories of the house being tainted by him.

BlondeFool · 01/12/2024 11:01

Put him on the first flight home. He sounds horrendous. And weird.

NewFriendlyLadybird · 01/12/2024 11:02

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is not a right that partners have, full stop.

Maurepas · 01/12/2024 11:05

He shows total disrespect for you being in mourning for deceased DP and tell him to go home or to hotel or anywhere as long as he leaves - the end!

Peridot1 · 01/12/2024 11:05

Well if you flew out business class hopefully his ticket is changeable. I would change it, dump him and send him back. Stay and do what you need to do in peace and enjoy knowing you are going back to not have to service his needs. Disgusting man.

SwerveCity · 01/12/2024 11:06

UnrelatedTo · 01/12/2024 10:31

Possibly the people who think it’s unlikely the OP’s boyfriend turned into a selfish asshole overnight on this specific trip, so she’s unreasonable for putting up with his nonsense over a long period of time?

But that’s not what the op is asking though is it?

godmum56 · 01/12/2024 11:07

why on earth has the relationship got this far?

needsomewarmsunshine · 01/12/2024 11:09

I'm 58 but the thought of having sex with a man 15 years older turns my stomach than myself. Not helpful, but you need to get shot of this person asap.

Ohnobackagain · 01/12/2024 11:13

@Pickytraveller1964 no it isn’t a right. But this sounds like the least of your worries. What do you get out of the relationship with this 75yo manchild?

ARichtGoodDram · 01/12/2024 11:16

Sex on demand is NEVER a thing. Even swingers clubs have strict "no means no" policies.

He's a disrespectful creep

Neveranynamesleft · 01/12/2024 11:16

Sorry for your loss @Pickytraveller1964
You are in a very stressful time both physically and mentally and the last thing you need is pressure from someone who is supposed to be your partner.
Leave him at home and deal with your affairs without him. Give yourself time to sort things without giving him a moments thought. He is being extremely selfish.

Sunshine1500 · 01/12/2024 11:17

Get online and change his flight home to asap!

NewGreenDuck · 01/12/2024 11:19

Pack his bags, tell him to go home. Don't engage with him.

Peachy2005 · 01/12/2024 11:24

Tell him he’s not welcome in your parents’ house. Kick him out, dump him. You can do better and being on your own has to be far better than this. Sorry about your parents xx

TheyDidntBurnWitchesTheyBurntWomen · 01/12/2024 11:25

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex in demand isn't a right anyone has in any circumstances

muddyford · 01/12/2024 11:27

In what respect is he a partner in any meaningful way? Get rid of him.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 11:27

Ohnobackagain · 01/12/2024 11:13

@Pickytraveller1964 no it isn’t a right. But this sounds like the least of your worries. What do you get out of the relationship with this 75yo manchild?

At this point? I get a strong desire to get out myself. I suppose I’ve been grieving and have felt grateful for the support he offered and obligated to repay him for the things he insisted on paying for and I felt like I couldn’t just drop him after all that. But I’ve been increasingly appalled by his creepy demands and misogyny. It just took the shock of being back in my parents’ house and have him act like this to make me finally snap out of it.

OP posts:
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