Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

[Pickytraveller1964]

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

I am sorry for your loss. It was the death of a parent that opened my eyes to the fact that my DH is actually really selfish and self centred. It’s at times like these that people show their true colours.

He sounds awful. Truly awful. Keep a record of all of this. Right down the facts. The words. Start a list of the behaviours that you find unacceptable. Refer to it when you feel yourself softening towards him.

He is not a good man.

Firstly, I am deeply sorry for your loss and I hope you find the strength to navigate all the challenges you face in sorting out your parents affairs.

It took me many years to realise that sex-on-demand is NOT acceptable, and is a form of abuse.

Your OH is a complete arsehole is his behaviour - you are NOT on some exotic holiday and he really should have stayed home rather than travelling with you, adding to your financial burden and behaving like a total knob!

Wanting to have sex I your deceased parents bed is sick and degrading - he should be supporting you, not making unreasonable demands on you.

Sex on demand is NEVER a right.

Sorry for your loss, I hope you're OK x

He's needs to take a long walk off a short pier, the selfish old duffer.

Ditto. I’ve been approached by men in their 70’s and I just think ‘sleazy old creep’

Ok this man isn't generous. He's made you pay for business when you can't afford it.

My reply would be ' I told you wouldn't enjoy it, and that I would not have time for you. I'm too busy to babysit you' and leave him to it. Is there a spare room you can put him in if you're ithat irresistible that he can't control himself?

''Play with him''

Boak. What a revolting term.

What a revolting man.

Ditch him.

Doesn't sound as if he is financially solvent either.

Thank goodness he's a 'partner' not a husband- get rid.

@Pickytraveller1964 thankfully you have seen the light. Please get dump him ASAP. Preferably alter your return ticket, leave before him, remove his stuff and change your locks before he gets back.

Send him home.

I hope he doesn't have a key to your house

As @goingdownfighting says you need to remind him that you told him he wouldn't enjoy the trip and that you wouldn't have time for him. His criticism of your parents house is appalling. Does he think you're going to keep the house and he is going to get a part of it or at least use it? No idea why you would comment on a deceased persons house, it's nasty behaviour

I'm sorry you are going through all this, it's hard enough dealing with all this without being in a different country and you've got a spoilt man-child to contend with as well

Sending hugs to you and your family

Well…. Obviously not?! I think you know this?

Honestly, you are the only driver and he doesn't speak the language. Take him to the airport with his bags, passport & ticket and leave him to sort himself out.

OP I'm so sorry he is treating you like this at such an awful time - but the silver lining is that it's really helped you to see him for what he is.

Sex on demand is never right in any circumstances. No one should feel bullied or coerced into sex ever.
You’re his carer, and servant by the sound of it. Ditch him.

Sorry for your loss, you’ve a lot to deal with emotionally and your life would be better without him in it.

Sex on demand is not a right that 'partners', or even 'husbands', have at any time or in any place. Demanding you spend money on him is also not a right.
If he is your 'partner', unmarried, get rid of him now.

I feel sick just reading the updates OP

He sounds disgusting

Australia to Europe round trip for 3 people.

I would be changing his ticket to economy for the return trip, even if it cost me. And not telling him I'd done so.

And then pick him a seat far away from you. Perhaps a middle seat at the back of the plane.

I'd also be ending the relationship and making arrangements to not be going back to the same home other than to get my things upon my return, or, if it' s your house, arranging to pack up his things and getting him out upon return.

Genuinely @Pickytraveller1964 is there a reason you haven’t done this?

Send him back and block him.

Sex on demand is never a right - not at any time.

But for him to behave like this in the circumstances is quite frankly repulsive.

That's not generous at all though, since he's expecting you to repay, whether that's with money or services. "Generous" would be if it was clear that the renovations were a gift to you. It seems they aren't. Instead, he clearly thinks he's bought a right to your time and your body.
In practice, luckily, he can do nothing to make you fulfill what he believes is the commitment you made by accepting his "generosity".
So if you dump him now - which, given his behaviour, you probably should, he can complain all he likes but unless you signed a legal contract to repay him that's too bad for him.

I just hope you haven't already ended up spending as much or more than the value of what he contributed - you deserve to come out of this relationship with a net positive, and not having lost out financially! What a creep.

I'm glad you've seen the light here op.

But yes, you absolutely need to see a counsellor.

Something has gone very very seriously wrong for you somewhere that led you to spend even two minutes with this vile man, and to have to ask the question you did.