Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

[Pickytraveller1964]

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

Stick him on a plane home and never see him again.

He's a creep. A 75 year old creep.

‘Sex on demand’ is never a ‘right’ of partners, whatever the circumstances

The situation is irrelevant tbh, under no circumstances ever do partners have a right to sex on demand! (I use the word partner loosely because I’m not actually sure what he brings to the table from what you’ve said)

Ew... A 75+ year old sex pest is not a turn on. I get that you're older as well, but still. Ew, ew, EW.

OH GOD NOT ANOTHER ONE

60 and 75+ are light years apart.

Of course you shouldn't have sex if you dont want. However I'm unsure why you felt the need to tell us (boast) what you spent and that you flew business class, would you have been more likely to sort him out if youd only paid for a Ryanair??

He just came in and called me “rude” for not realising he was looking at my back and waiting for me to acknowledge him with a kiss and a cuddle when I was turned away in bed last night trying to fill out legal forms. I told him to fuck off.

You need to raise your standards OP. Why should this filthy old goat have the right to date a woman 15 years younger?

This is on you. At your age you should have known much better by now. He's a 75yo man, why are you allowing this old man who seems like a pervert to bully you. It doesn't matter what he's done for you, you don't need to allow him to bully you this way.
You are there under very sad circumstances, your adult dd is in the house with you, and how is this not a wtf moment for you.

Which assholes have voted YABU?

I’m not rich. He demanded Business Class because he paid for renovations on my house (he offered). I think I have now suitably compensated him. I can’t afford to do this again, that’s for sure. That’s why I mentioned business class, because it is his reimbursement, not because I’m “boasting”.

Possibly the people who think it’s unlikely the OP’s boyfriend turned into a selfish asshole overnight on this specific trip, so she’s unreasonable for putting up with his nonsense over a long period of time?

Send him back on the next plane and do not pay for business/first class. You do not owe him anything, he offered to pay for the renovations and now he is acting like you are in his debt to get his own way. Vile behaviour.

Listen to @Runskiyoga.

I can't imagine there is much enjoyment about this trip, considering your parent is deceased but what is meant is, go about all you have to do with full confidence and focus like you would have if he was not there.

Stop turning yourself inside out - mentally and emotionally to meet the unnecessary and selfish demands of a fully grown and capable, uncaring, insensitive, unsupportive adult.

It doesn't matter what he is like 'at home'. His behaviour and character should be consistent irrespective of being at home or not at home.

I feel for you. Hope you are able to get everything done. Best of luck.

You know where this relationship is going. He sounds vile. He is not supportive. You've just last your parent and he's just thinking about himself. You need to focus on yourself and healing.

Sex on 'demand' is never a right anyone has, under any circumstances.

In these particular circumstances it's even more revolting.

Condolences, OP, and I'm sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else. There are insufficient words to convey how wrong this is.

Yes, it is. So crack on love.
🙄

He is scum.
Please get away from him asap.

Disgusting creepy sex pest.

I'm so sorry for your loss and for having to deal with this sulky man-child when that's the last thing you need to do right now.

Can you ring the airline and see if you can exchange his ticket for an earlier flight, then you'll be able to focus on your and your daughter's needs as you grieve and deal with the practicalities of losing your parents?

You can deal with him on your return when you have more energy but, for now, try to get him out of the house and out of the way as he's not able to meet your needs (to be a decent, supportive human being for his grieving partner) and you're absolutely not going to meet his. Good luck

No, OP, in no world does he have a "right" to sex. He should have the decency not to pester you when you're grieving, particularly as you've explained what you need. He is treating you like something he has bought.

Cancel his return flight. If you've paid 1st class, you're bound to get some element of rebate back. Buy an economy ticket for a cheap airline for him to leave tomorrow. If he doesn't get on the plane, that's his business and he'll have to find his own way home.

Honestly, i shouldn't have written that. He honestly sounds like a horror.. Get rid!

So he's lavishing you with things and wants sex in return.

where's your self-respect, c'monnn!

I took it more as @Pickytraveller1964 setting the scene that instead of travelling with her to help, love and support her in her time of needs he's treating it as a holiday demanding the best plane seats etc.