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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 01/12/2024 08:51

How and why is he your 'partner'?

Changeyourfuckingcar · 01/12/2024 08:51

Yanbu, but you know that. You are, however, rather unreasonable to stay with such a man, given how completely unbearable and rude he sounds.
I’m sorry for your loss.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

OP posts:
Mumofgirls24 · 01/12/2024 08:53

He’s revolting. Acting like a needy child because your attention is elsewhere. I’ve never posted this - but LTB.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2024 08:53

This isn’t just about him being a sex pest. This is about him being wholly unsupportive and demanding in your hour of need.

Womblewife · 01/12/2024 08:54

Vile. You know what you need to do.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/12/2024 08:54

sex-on-demand is NEVER a right - HTH.

Chillilounger · 01/12/2024 08:54

YANBU to not want to sleep with someone behaving like that. Imo opinion the reason for the trip is immaterial (some would some wouldn't)

Zippidydoodah · 01/12/2024 08:54

Oh my goodness. He sounds like an absolute disgrace of a man. I’d be telling him it’s over.

I’m sorry for your loss 😢💐

Galdownunder · 01/12/2024 08:54

Yuck what do you even see in this arsehole?

Pigeonqueen · 01/12/2024 08:54

He sounds vile! What on earth are you doing with him?!!

SlugsWon · 01/12/2024 08:54

Are you a similar age to him? You sounds as if you find him creepy (TBF he is creepy and awful). Why are you with an awful old man?

hopeishere · 01/12/2024 08:54

No one ever has a "right" to have sex.

He sounds like an absolute arsehole and is taking advantage of you. Dump him.

Changeyourfuckingcar · 01/12/2024 08:55

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Really? You must know that ‘sex on demand’ is NEVER a right. Ever.

Rocknrollstar · 01/12/2024 08:55

Sex on demand is never a right in any relationship or situation.

oneeggisunoeuf · 01/12/2024 08:55

He's vile. Dump him.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:56

Thanks! He’s been very, very generous back home and he is a widower so I cut him some slack. I care about him and know he needs excitement and affection but I’m not a trained dog. And sex is so far from my mind that I can’t believe he expects it on this trip.

OP posts:
UnrelatedTo · 01/12/2024 08:56

Why not abandon him in the street, sort out your business and go home without him?

Laszlomydarling · 01/12/2024 08:57

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

It doesn't even matter what the trip is for. Sex on demand is NEVER a right. You could be on your honeymoon and sex would still not be a right.

TheSilkWorm · 01/12/2024 08:57

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

You can't ask that question in isolation without answering the other questions of what on earth are you doing with this joyless, mean, entitled man??

Gloriia · 01/12/2024 08:57

He sounds absolutely awful and rather pathetic too. Sorry for your loss Flowers.

StormingNorman · 01/12/2024 08:57

Sex on demand is never a partner’s right.

Claire903 · 01/12/2024 08:58

This is terrible. You shouldn't have to put up with this

OrwellianTimes · 01/12/2024 08:58

Sex is actually a red herring here. He’s utterly unsupportive and treating this like a holiday.

Sex on demand is never a healthy attitude.

GermanBite · 01/12/2024 08:58

How old are you and how long have you been with him?