Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
UnsympatheticCharacter · 01/12/2024 09:21

Why are you posting all this on the Internet for strangers to read, OP?

Horses7 · 01/12/2024 09:21

Think he needs to go in the bye-bye box!

itwilltakeaslongasittakes · 01/12/2024 09:21

Leave him and get a hot 30 yr old that worships you

FennelFan · 01/12/2024 09:22

Ugh. He sounds awful. Chuck this one back OP.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 01/12/2024 09:22

Just ditch him. You don’t need him.

OrwellianTimes · 01/12/2024 09:22

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:19

At home, he has made renovations to my house and took me on a couple of lovely holidays. I was grateful. He lives separately. He has much more money than I and tells me so all the time but he wants me to repay him for the renovations I needed by taking him on trips. This is the second expensive trip I have taken him on and will be the last. I’m done. I told him I am going to have to work to earn back some of the money I have spent and he quipped “That’ll take you forever!” I should have walked off right then.

Good grief it gets worse.

Dump him. You realise you’re a nurse with a purse now to him? He’s a conniving and manipulative man.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/12/2024 09:22

UnsympatheticCharacter · 01/12/2024 09:21

Why are you posting all this on the Internet for strangers to read, OP?

Are you familiar with online chat forums? This is how they work. Anonymously.

RealFish · 01/12/2024 09:23

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Purreh · 01/12/2024 09:23

UnsympatheticCharacter · 01/12/2024 09:21

Why are you posting all this on the Internet for strangers to read, OP?

OPs STBX, is that you?

PenguinLover24 · 01/12/2024 09:23

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right. Ever.

UnsympatheticCharacter · 01/12/2024 09:24

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/12/2024 09:22

Are you familiar with online chat forums? This is how they work. Anonymously.

Proof that human progress can be reversed!

RealFish · 01/12/2024 09:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:24

I posted this because I spent ages searching the topic of “guilt sex” online and so may sites said it was not right to not respect his sexual needs.

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 01/12/2024 09:25

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Of course it's not. You are grieving and he is behaving like a spoilt teenager even though he is over 75. He sounds completely repulsive in every way. The sex stuff is revolting but his sense of entitlement is off the scale.

Please get rid of him OP.

EmotionalSupportShotgun · 01/12/2024 09:25

The only unreasonable thing you have done is bring him along on the trip.

Ladyj84 · 01/12/2024 09:25

You would think someone that age would be more decent this made me actually go uggh out loud....my grandad passed a few months ago, who wasn't just my grandad he was my best friend,supporter etc..ove never felt hurt like it him not being there and my hubby surprised me with a few days away at a holiday cottage after the funeral. I didn't even know he took time off work at short notice, he booked it all. Do you know not once did we have sex, I talked and talked about my grandad, we walked,cuddled, I cried a lot..not once did I feel pressure to have sex like usually happens when away. Tbh it was the best week I've ever had feeling supported and loved no pressure of life for a few days. We are in our 30s so it's very sad you don't feel the same at your age

TiramisuQueenoftheFairies · 01/12/2024 09:26

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:24

I posted this because I spent ages searching the topic of “guilt sex” online and so may sites said it was not right to not respect his sexual needs.

Those will be the sites written by entitled men.

And what about your right to grieve and deal with the loss of your family: and not to have your body used as an outlet for his frustrations?

RealFish · 01/12/2024 09:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Snowplop · 01/12/2024 09:26

I am sorry for your loss. Will your inheritance mean that you can be fully financially independent from this awful man? I do hope so. I've never said this on MN but you need to LTB sharpish.

And who, WHO are the 2% on here that voted Unreasonable? Unfuckingbelievable.

Chocolatesnowman2 · 01/12/2024 09:26

Send the fucker home
He's showing you who he really is

couchparsnip · 01/12/2024 09:27

He doesn't sound at all supportive of you at this difficult time. What makes you think he's a good partner? You say he's generous but generous people don't want paying back for their generosity.
Send him home.

Pinkissmart · 01/12/2024 09:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Do you think people stop growing/ developing at a certain age? Everyone has a battlefield.
Your comment is deeply unpleasant and smacks of ageism.

Gloriia · 01/12/2024 09:27

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:24

I posted this because I spent ages searching the topic of “guilt sex” online and so may sites said it was not right to not respect his sexual needs.

Which sites?! Op please look at what an awful person you are with. You don't live together, he's years older just draw a line and move on. If you haven't already booked seats for the return flight make sure he is many rows away.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 01/12/2024 09:28

UnsympatheticCharacter · 01/12/2024 09:24

Proof that human progress can be reversed!

Well it's nice to see you doing your bit in that regard

RealFish · 01/12/2024 09:28

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.