Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

[Pickytraveller1964]

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

What do you think? Really?

Why are you with this awful person?

What's being a widower got to do with it? He sounds rude, entitled and utterly insufferable. I wonder OP where you're from, because some men like their women to be submissive and some cultures encourage submissiveness in women. So a man who wants a woman who will do what he tells her (e.g. pay for his first class flight, provide him with sex on demand), will make a beeline for such a woman. You're only 60 and he's 75+? I'd get rid of him asap. He sounds absolutely awful.

Sex on demand is never a right, even within marriage.

This, 💯 %

I really hope he is just your partner and not your husband? Send him packing.

He's 70+ is that right? So you must be old enough to know the right answer.

I think he shouldn't even have come on this trip as the only thing he can do is offer you support, which he didn't do long before the plane left the tarmac.

What does he bring to your relationship at home,(he sounds like an ancient spoilt brat).

I actually feel quite nauseated reading about him. He is utterly revolting.

There's absolutely zero need for you to date such scum. Tell him he's a boring pervert, he's dumped, and to fuck off.
Block him on every platform.
No hand wringing, debating or pondering, just discard him.

He is disgusting, no ‘good traits’ make up for this. Please respect yourself and drop this toad.

It saddens me that any woman would lower herself to put up with this.
You need to end this abuse, OP.

I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit

Is this post a joke? By the time I read half way through I was astounded you have to ask any advice on here. He's a revolting specimen of a human being and you ABVVU even letting him through the front door.

He sounds like a disgusting old perve who thinks you’re a cash machine and has his head firmly in the 1950s.

i assume his late wife was the same age and perhaps had a somewhat old fashioned view of relationships and he expects the same of you.

Fuck.That.Shit.

One way ticket home…economy…on Ryan Air.

That's what you can't believe?

Dude, raise the bar a bit. He's a cock. Tell him to sling his hook

Yes this!

Sex is never transactional in a healthy relationship.

OP- send him back home so you can deal with this without him being so awful.
Him buying you a gift does not entitle him to sex. It does not buy him grace or entitle him to treat you badly.

Be brave and tell him his behaviour is unacceptable, and that he had to leave. Whether he stays at a hotel or rearranges his flight home is up to him

He sounds awful on so many levels.
Really at 60 is this what you want for your life?
It does not matter if back home he is ok. This is obviously one of those major moments in your life that shows a partners true colours.
They can be supportive and kind and caring .
Or selfish and only interested in himself .
You sound nice and obviously deserve better

At home, he has made renovations to my house and took me on a couple of lovely holidays. I was grateful. He lives separately. He has much more money than I and tells me so all the time but he wants me to repay him for the renovations I needed by taking him on trips. This is the second expensive trip I have taken him on and will be the last. I’m done. I told him I am going to have to work to earn back some of the money I have spent and he quipped “That’ll take you forever!” I should have walked off right then.

He's generous? He's generously allowed you to pay for him to accompany you on a trip you didn't want him on.
He is generously taking up all your space and intruding on a really difficult time.
Come on, woman up.

Well ,what a cocklodger you have yourself there.
What exactly does he bring to your life ...being alone has got to be far better than being with him

My concern is that because you are asking, that you may have give into his demands in the past. He is no good. Dump.