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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Partner wants sex on trip for me to deal with deceased parents’ estate.

420 replies

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:49

AIBU to be TOTALLY uninterested in sex during a trip overseas to deal with my deceased, beloved parents’ estate? I told my aged 75+ partner that my daughter and I would be caught up in trying to deal with lawyers, banks, old friends and administrative issues and recommended against coming. He wanted to come. He wanted Business Class too. I have spent over £25000 this far just on travel expenses. He complained because the flight attendants on Qatar had to adjust his first class seat for him, giving me thumbs-down sign regarding the airline. On arrival at our house, he complained the duvet was too heavy then yanked it off me in the middle of the night. I got a separate duvet for me and he accused me of trapping him under his duvet. He has made no compliments about our house except that the rooms are big but he wishes ceiling beams weren’t painted. He complained the shower screen should be higher. He does not like my hybrid SUV. He does not speak the language here and I have to do everything. He wakes up multiple times a night and goes to the toilet or checks his phone, waking me up each time. I’m paying for everything, which I said I would, but he has little positive to say except he wants me to “play with him” in my dead parents’ bed. When I said I’m really not in the right state emotionally or physically to “play”, he said “well you were able to nap yesterday so I don’t see why not. “. (Maybe because I’m in my beloved parents’ bed, my daughter is nearby, I’m exhausted mentally and physically, he is long on complaints and short on praise, I am the sole driver, procurer of groceries, cook, dishwasher, money source and I only have ten days to try to see all our family friends and lawyers…???). Now he’s acting put out and semi-sulking downstairs. AIBU to not want to service him in bed?

OP posts:
DearDenimEagle · 03/12/2024 10:47

And I see you have, sorry, I jumped too quickly but I stand by the must get out and don’t let him guilt trip you into going back, either. He is toxic

notatinydancer · 03/12/2024 11:50

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right.
Can you send him home ?
Economy.

MerryRedSheep · 03/12/2024 17:24

He is a selfish horrible twat. Demanding sex is disgusting. Sorry for your loss.

SouthernBelle2 · 03/12/2024 17:57

I don't know if you stand to inherit as a result of the sad loss of your parents, but I think you need to be extremely careful if your partner is sniffing around. It sounds like he may try to con or scam you out of anything that might come your way. Please take care not to let this happen.

FeetLikeFlippers · 03/12/2024 18:39

OP, I’m crying reading all your updates. You should be so proud of yourself for deciding to leave him, nobody deserves to be treated this way especially someone who sounds as kind and lovely as you. Good luck with it all and I hope you have the support you need when you get home and finally bin this loser. He probably thinks you don’t mean it and won’t have the nerve to really leave him so prove him wrong, stay strong and don’t back down xxx

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 06/12/2024 18:13

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is no ‘right’ to anyone and if you are coerced into doing it then it becomes a big problem darling x

MusicMakesItAllBetter · 06/12/2024 18:15

notatinydancer · 03/12/2024 11:50

Sex on demand is never a right.
Can you send him home ?
Economy.

This!
OP please do not spend any more money on this knobber.
He sounds likes a freeloading money grabber. Save your money and do something lovely for yourself as you try and heal from this sad sad loss xx

Onelessboob · 07/12/2024 17:41

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

Sex on demand is never a right. If you don't feel like it, for whatever reason, don't do it.

Purplethursdays123 · 07/12/2024 18:28

I’m someone who hates any strings or guilt or any sadness attached to sex. Won’t do it, never could.

Sex is something you both want to do and I’d shy away from anyone who made any kind of demands at any time. If anyone had ever made any kinds of demands of me it would be the end. One boundary I have that is absolute.

thewrongcolourcup · 07/12/2024 18:31

I’ve be very keen to change his ticket to economy and send him back asap.
ditch him. He sounds revolting

Allog · 07/12/2024 19:00

You’re a mug.

Pupinskipops · 07/12/2024 19:20

You don't like him very much do you? I don't blame you. Why are you even together?

Pupinskipops · 07/12/2024 19:21

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 08:52

i just want to know if sex-on-demand is a right that partners have when accompanying their SO on a family bereavement trip.

It's not a right under any circumstances.

healthybychristmas · 07/12/2024 19:25

You say you are an intelligent woman. Why on earth are you with this complete creep? And if you are mid trip, cancel the return flights and book economy instead.

Lalalalalalalalalalaoohoohwee · 07/12/2024 19:41

Why on earth are you with this man?!

Seajaye · 07/12/2024 19:58

There is a word for sex against someone's will. It's a crime as well in most jurisdictions, even if you are married.

JoBoJoBo · 07/12/2024 20:05

Pickytraveller1964 · 01/12/2024 09:08

You’re all correct. I’m being weak and I’m not going to stand for this treatment. I’m actually seen as a very strong woman in the public eye. I don’t know why I can’t seem to assert myself with partners! Time to see a shrink…

Tell him you are grieving and drop kick him into the spare room.

Itislate · 07/12/2024 20:16

I rarely post replies but quite honestly I think you should tell him to fuck off back to where he came from!

JoBoJoBo · 07/12/2024 20:21

Cardinalita90 · 01/12/2024 11:01

He sounds repulsive. If you can afford to can you book him a (basic) hotel room for the rest of the trip just to get him out of your parents bed and house? Probably cheaper than rearranging a business class flight. I know you shouldn't have to pay but he's unlikely to go by himself and I'd just want such a disrespectful person out of my parents home and stop memories of the house being tainted by him.

Hell no do not pay for his hotel room.Drip kick him out of your parents house.He can afford to pay for his own hotel room the lech !

IamMoodyBlue · 07/12/2024 20:33

Let's be 100% clear here.
Sex on demand is no one's right. Partner, married or not in any bed.
No means no means no.
And you ALWAYS have the right to say No.

IamMoodyBlue · 07/12/2024 20:35

He sounds incredibly insensitive and selfish. A pathetic child in a man's body.
Can't think of anything positive here.

Mamalifehasjustbegun · 07/12/2024 20:53

I’m sorry for your loss. This sounds like he wanted to suck you in and now he is showing his true colours. I think you’re right to go see a therapist, take some time for yourself, then find yourself a slightly younger man that doesn’t behave like a narcissistic spoilt brat that expects you to cater to his every need.

Mamalifehasjustbegun · 07/12/2024 20:59

I signed up after reading this thread! After that horrible Pelicot case I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that some websites out there would tell women that they are being unreasonable for not wanting to have sex. Yet I’m still shocked and disgusted.

Mumlifebalance · 07/12/2024 21:18

AlisonDonut · 01/12/2024 08:51

How and why is he your 'partner'?

Thank God you're not married to him. You deserved so much more, You should make quiet plans to leave him. He probably came along to see how much money you & your daughter will inherit. Drop him before he spends all your money. It doesn't sound like he's adding any value to your life. Your parents didn't put you on this earth to be treated like this.

Justmeee22 · 08/12/2024 01:31

Tell the selfish, vile pig to go fuck himself and throw him out !!

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