How to deal with an 18-year-old son's girlfriend

[BrianBlessed01]

They were at school together, my 18YO 'held a candle for her', as they used to say, then they got together nearly two years ago. All good; really happy for them; relationships best built on a friendship etc. Except this girl is a total diva. I have depression plus am in chronic pain; hence our flat is a total, embarrassing, mess, so she's never been round here. So my son, who's busy with a degree apprenticeship, always goes round to hers when he sees her (she still lives at home.) The thing is, although I was open and happy to know her, I really don't like her, and my normally kind and thoughtful boy turns into someone unrecognisable when she's involved. My older boy and his g/f really don't like her either. I can't do anything, can I? My 18-Y-old still lives with me, in our small London flat, and gives me £50 a week since he's been earning. But I feel like telling him to off and go and live with her and her family. She's quite a bright girl, apparently but she's totally dropped out of education (didn't do A-levels), but her own mum had her when she was 17, and hasn't worked since... I'm worried there's a familial pattern of just taking the piss out of the state, supplemented by people like my kind, hard-working son, who is ONLY 18. Any advice welcomed. Thanks.

Ha! You're obviously quite a bit younger than I am, so sorry for the outdated reference. In the late 2000s, in a bid to re-launch her career, AT made some shows about being BRILLIANT at housework, and showing others how to be the same 😀.

This
Plus a word of warning. Your attitude towards your son's girlfriend will likely drive him away from you

It's interesting OP that you seem to feel that this relationship is going to last, despite the fact that most teenage relationships do not. If you most of all fear an unplanned baby arriving, your priority needs to be making sure DS is truly aware of the risks of that, and being very careful about contraception (ie always using a condom even if another method is also being used).
Never mind his girlfriend's level of education - she is very young and may change a lot in the next few years.

Thanks, both, for the kindly-meant advice. I'm in no way meddling in my son's affairs, and I don't think either he or his girlfriend are even aware that I intuitively don't feel happy about the way things are going. I don't really come across the g/f much, and am only polite to her, and about her. I obviously **ed up my original post on here, apologies, everybody (well, some of you. Many of you are just awful, and only I hope you, or anybody you love, ever have to deal with traumatic life events, which most of us will have to, eventually or chronic pain.) There are some royally messed up, nasty people on here - I'd like to say, they know who they are, but they almost certainly won't, because they have neither the intelligence nor the self-awareness. But a warm THANK YOU, who overlooked the overwrought mis-step in my original post, and came up with some kind, practical advice.

OP not noticing the irony in her bitter, name calling, rude posts calling posters rude and mean 🤣

Well quite.

Are you worried she's planning on a pregnancy and a council flat?

OP can you explain exactly what you don’t like about her? It’s really hard to gauge the situation without details.

Oh the fuckin irony of OP having the brass neck to post this There are some royally messed up, nasty people on here
when all she has done is spew spite and nastiness towards other women, including an 18 yr old she barely knows.
A journalist, I hope it's not opinion pieces.

TBH everyone is allowed to dislike somebody. It’s hard to convey context and history in a MN post. Maybe OP had legitimate reasons

Dislike? Yes.

Sneer about their relative's employment status? No.

Although in reality none of this is actually about her son's girlfriend. The OP needs help and appears to be projecting her issues on to an 18yo girl she barely knows. Several people on this thread (including me) have advised the OP to seek help for her issues, so hopefully that is what happens.

Some of us do agree about the nastiness on this thread though

It's also considered rude to point out ppls spelling on mumsnet. How do you know I'm not dyslexic . All my edits have been for spelling .

I know!! I think the OP is looking for a 'well done for sticking this thread out OP, you've handled yourself amazingly with all the viperz'

Nah, not buying the faux apology, or the faux unknowing about PIP when she's a journo.

Where does it say she's a journo? I missed that bit

In one of her own posts, the OP says that she's a journalist.

There are quite a lot of types of journalist though, it's not all current affairs...

I mean I wouldn't automatically expect a sports/fashion/entertainment etc etc journalist to have a clue about PIP any more than any other person 🫤

So your home is in such a state that you can't have others round, yet you're the one judging a teenage girl?
This has to be a wind-up!

No need to apologise, and thanks for replying. My boy does need to help a bit more, but I'm bad at asking. I WFH most of the time, and he leaves our home early and comes home late (for work) and I feel he ought to have have time to enjoy himself with his friends and g/f. But yes; I need to get him to put a day aside to help me. I need a stick to walk, and can't bend down without pain, etc, and we live four floors up with no lift, and communal rubbish/recycling bins are on ground floor, so while I can just about take down a sack by myself, a fit 18-year-old can do it in about a tenth of the time it takes me!

No need to apologise, and thanks for replying. My boy does need to help a bit more, but I'm bad at asking. I WFH most of the time, and he leaves our home early and comes home late; and I feel he ought to have have time to enjoy himself with his friends and g/f. But yes; I need to get him to put a day aside to help me. I need a stick to walk, and can't bend down without pain, etc, and we live four floors up with no lift, and communal rubbish/recycling bins are on ground floor, so while I can just about take down a sack by myself, a fit 18-year-old can do it in about a tenth of the time it takes me!

a paltry 15 mins a day would really help you. A little extra on the weekend.

You're right. TBH, the amount of vitriol I got on here last night, after I first posted, feeling really, really down, has, weirdly, made me feel a lot more positive, and proactive re what I CAN manage to help myself out of my hole. My original post was clumsy, and I probably deserve to be slated for that, but some of the rabid overreaction, from people who are clearly very, very angry, with unresolved issues themselves (which I share with them) was laughable. Thanks for your practical response. x

"Rabid", eh?

You're a journalist so you know full well what impact words have. I've concluded that this thread is just lots of deliberate goading to get a reaction.

I'm glad you're feeling better op. We all have bad days. Wish you luck in things getting better x