Fed up of feeling invisible? No one noticed my hair.

[worriert]

Maybe more of a background of never feeling like I looked nice and being the only one in the group not complimented.

I had just below shoulder length silver blonde hair. I did a big change, went brunette and had extensions 20” extensions. Not one single person has said anything. I feel like I must be invisible and just ugly.

I think it’s just polite, if someone has made a drastic change, to say something nice, even if you don’t really like it. What harm could that actually do?

I remember when I swapped my unobtrusive metallic glasses frames for a much more statement tortoiseshell pair and no one at work said anything, and I started wondering if I’d made an awful mistake, but Ihadn’t!

None of the comments were meant that way - and hopefully op sees that.

On the contrary, saying they preferred it before suggests the people a) did notice ( ie; not “ invisible” as the op feared) but b) liked how she looked before ? Ie; NOT ugly.

Another thing I would add op is that dynamics round compliments can be complicated. As well as the “ not wanting to betray you don’t like a change” issue, there is sometimes a sense that certain people don’t “ need” a compliment. Is it possible - I’ve never met you, so could be wildly off - but is it possible in some way you come across as more “ together” than your friends? Better job, more grounded etc? I’ve sometimes noticed people are less inclined to compliment people they think don’t “need” it.

Why would you do that? It isn't kind and it isn't polite to lie. It is far better to keep quiet than gush on and on about something that you don't think is nice.

That you think there is 'no harm done' is really off. When people are insincere it is quite obvious too.

Sexist to comment you look nice??good god I've heard it all now, john on floor 2 told me I was looking well, I'm so offended, how dare he🤣 he'll be getting a call from HR soon....

Sadly, I was told not to make such comments about 20 years ago! I was a manager with a team, the majority of which were younger women. H r training said not to compliment anyone on how they look! It could be seen as sexist and to be fair I'd never tell another man his hair looked good.....i d take the piss if it looked bad mind!

I wasn’t talking about gushing on and on. Just a polite acknowledgement. ‘oh you’ve had your hair done. Looks great”.

Even when you think it doesn't look nice? Your opinion is that important that you need to voice it in a lie? That's what I took exception to.

I agree it’s crazy but that’s where we are headed.

You cause less offence by farting than opening your mouth these days.

It's not helpful that OP hasn't come back to specify exactly who she has been in contact with and thus expected to notice her hair - friends/colleagues/random in her local shop/mum/partner? - but I find it pretty unlikely that everyone in her life is so jealous of her they refuse to comment on a very drastic appearance change. If that was the case she needs to get to know some nicer people! I have friends and siblings who are all objectively much more attractive than me - I still compliment them if they look good because, you know, I like them!

I agree that sometimes very good looking people might get fewer compliments than you'd expect, either because people are jealous or because they assume the person is getting told so often how good looking they are that they don't need to hear it again - but even then somebody will usually mention it. i.e. "friends" might be jealous but the opposite sex would usually make comments that give you an indication they find you attractive, even if they weren't necessarily welcomed, or people would make snide comments even if not actual compliments.

If you’re happy with it, then that’s all it needs to be. Other people not noticing or not liking it is irrelevant.🤷‍♀️

No one has recognised you. Its quite simple.

what harm could it do?

Well a) if everyone told them they looked great, when they didn't, the person might be more inclined to keep the change despite it not suiting them t all. Of course if they prefer the 'new' look then that's the most important thing, but if they were wavering most people would prefer to be told kindly by someone if asked, "Of course you always look lovely but if I'm honest I think I did prefer your old hairstyle, it was just more flattering for you. But it's good to switch it up sometimes, isn't it! Maybe see how you get used to it over the next few weeks and go from there?"

At least then they know what they're dealing with and can make an informed decision, whether that's "fuck them, I love it and that's all that matters" or "maybe it is a bit drastic, perhaps I'll keep the colour but go back to the shorter hair," or "Actually, I can see what they mean about the new style not going well with my old clothes and make up, perhaps I'll go for a colour consultation/personal stylist to see if that improves things."

b) if everyone in your life lies to you about small things like your new haircut how do you trust them when it comes to big things?

c) At some point it will probably come out that they didn't like it and the person might feel even worse, like everyone was laughing at them behind their back.

It's quite a drastic change...maybe people just aren't sure what to say? I often have stuff in my head that doesn't make its way out of my mouth (unfortunately sometimes the other way around too though 😞)

Surely they noticed such a big change. I went from blonde all my life to dark and some people didn’t recognise me and most people looked shocked. It was amazing how many people said nothing so I assume they didn’t like it!

That's mad, happy to say I work in an office and pretty much anything goes, lots of messing and slagging, interestingly enough we've has to fly to London a couole of times for conforence and we found our English branch a lot more reserved and polite.

It's a mystery why people don't comment. Disappointing.

It confirms how absorbed others are in their own lives - so self absorbed & probably thinking about what they should do with their own hair/style/image!

Im sure you look fabulous so own it!!! 💪 🤩

I had 8" of hair off one time and it took dh about a week before dh said "you look different. Have you got a new dress..?"

He's not very observant. As proved by the fact I got 2x 6' bookshelving units into the main living area in the house for nearly a month before he asked me if they were new. He was quite happy to believe me when I said, "no". 🤣
Sometimes it's a bit irritating, but it's very useful at others.

Once I came in the door having gone from light brown to blond in the hairdressers and my DH asked me was I going to the hairdressers today!

I honestly think he is colour blind or something

I felt like this two weeks ago! My DD and best friends noticed instantly and complimented me but my family never said a word. I have put it down to them being jealous that I don’t neglect my appearance the way that they do 😂😂

This!

Better to say nothing if there is nothing nice or complimentary to say. I prefer not to give fake compliments.

Are you happy with what you have had done? That's what matters.

Is there a reaction you wanted from someone in particular? Draw attention to it and ask 'what do you think of my new hair/outfit etc'

Some people notice a change but are not quite sure what. They stay quiet in case they've noticed the wrong thing, like maybe a new ear piercing instead of new hair.

Be happy with what you do for yourself.

😂😂😂

I’m not ill and not one single person has asked if I’m having chemo.

My hair does not look like a wig as it’s not one.

I’ve gone back to my original colour, so no I don’t look terrible as people are claiming.

I dont comment unless someone brings it up first... You never know whether someone is happy with something or even wants to talk about it.

I had a bit of a bob going for months/years. My relatively new colleagues had never seen any difference. I had it cut short and everyone of them said how different and great it looked as did my family. I think your people are weird.