Fed up of feeling invisible? No one noticed my hair.

[worriert]

Maybe more of a background of never feeling like I looked nice and being the only one in the group not complimented.

I had just below shoulder length silver blonde hair. I did a big change, went brunette and had extensions 20” extensions. Not one single person has said anything. I feel like I must be invisible and just ugly.

"This is a shocking reply. How can anyone read someone thinks they are ugly and then respond saying they maybe notified and thought it looked terrible."

Because this is a discussion forum, and people are trying to give useful responses.

Feeling ugly and getting a new hairstyle that some people don't think suits you are two different things.

If somebody with long hair suddenly had what could be a wig, I wouldn't ask questions in case it was due to chemotherapy, figuring they'd tell me if they wanted to share their medical information.

It feeds into the feeling ugly, validates it. Good grief.

People will comment on your appearance even if you're ugly! So it's not about that. It's a massive change - who did you hope would comment?

Show us a photo of your hair, because at the moment you are invisible to us!

I recently had a few inches cut off, and when I had a FaceTime call with DD, who is at university, she said "Mum, what have you done to your hair? It looks fucking awful!" She wasn't wrong it does look awful, and I'm willing it to grow, but sometimes it's best when people
keep quiet.

Yep that’s me too! Sorry op!

I think it depends how dramatic the change is. If very dramatic it’s probably that.

If less so, it’s potentially just the “we aren’t as much on display as we feel” thing.

ETA But it’s not about you being ugly.

This was what I was thinking too. That is a drastic change and people may think that it's false hair (which some of it is), or a wig? That says 'possible illness' to me and I wouldn't comment at all.

You said that these were friends, OP? I don't know how often you see them or how close you are but that does have a bearing I think?

I envy men when it comes to their hair though. They think it needs cutting, they get it cut. They give no fucks that people don't notice or comment. Women though, endless needy validation required... and it's exhausting. If you like your hair and are pleased with the result then honest, what else do you need?

That’s not to do with ugly though. It’s when the change isn’t one they like.

ETA the time it happened to me and I couldn’t manage to comment was when they had destroyed a feature of their appearance that had actually been stand-out gorgeous tbh.

ETA typo could not couldn’t!

But also to say we don’t know op. We have no idea what she looks like. It was simply a suggestion as to why someone might ignore a change without actually thinking the person was “ ugly.”

The person I am referring to ( and I hadn’t detailed as would hate her to recognise herself from my post, but on reflection she is not likely on Mn) had gorgeous, glossy, unbelievably thick, swishy black hair nearly to her waist. She was anything but ugly. When I saw her again, she’d chopped it short. I THINK she intended elfin/ Hepburn vibes but in fact it was heavily layered which thinned out all the volume and destroyed the glossy shine and swish. It was all jagged round her face like a goat had gnawed on it. It took everything not to gasp so I just focused on how it was lovely to see her ( which it was!) . But nothing to do with ugly.

I once complimented my neighbour on her hair. Turned out it was a wig as she was having chemo. I didn't know she was having chemo obviously. But I think she was quite pleased that the wig looked good!

Maybe it looks a bit much if it's really long extensions. But who cares what anyone thinks - you do it for yourself not them.

You could just ask them?

With that drastic a change, I'd wonder if it was a wig because you were ill and losing your hair. I wouldn't have said anything.

As an opinion how you perceive it could be different from the way the person who wrote it sees it and the op sees it.
If you think it breaks guidlines report it (pretty sure it doesn't tho)

Who exactly are you talking about? DH? Neighbour?

God this isn’t the poster with partial blindness who thinks she looks like Barbie is it?

Silvery blonde to brown - usually people go the other way?

Was silvery blonde your natural colour?

Once people get past 50 they definitely fall off the radar of being noticed generally - which can be a great relief!

20 inches...

It's just a honest response

Have you seen people in person?

Who were you expecting to comment?

Partner, yep should say something.

Work colleagues, have learnt to never comment on people's physical appearance at work.

Friends, maybe

Maybe they don't like it?

Hair extensions are pretty divisive. I think they're awful and probably wouldn't comment but other people love them and think they look great.

You need to have things done because you love them and feel good, not for compliments or what other people think.

It's such a big change it's unlikely that people haven't noticed.

Maybe they don't know what to say?

"Wow, you've changed your hair"?

If you like it Op, what difference does it make if others don't comment?

Yeah..sadly I also think that people stay quiet because 50 inces extensions is drastic and could look fake or just too much. I couldn’t pretend that something looks great, so I’d rather not say anything.

Besides, it doesn’t matter what I think because it’s definitely up to everyone what they like and feel nice in.

I'm not a fan of them, either - Plus the poor young women the hair is taken from {Often Vietnamese or Indian because of the ''virgin'' quality of their hair} - never been coloured or permed, just glossy, long and healthy.

The women and girls get a couple of dollars maximum for their hair.

It's very exploitative.

I had similar but cut off my hair - and nobody at work noticed till about a month later

A bunch of anonymous people on the internet cannot be expected to take responsibility for someone’s longterm lack of self-esteem. If she has made a drastic change in her appearance and literally no one has commented when she’s seen them in person, one of the available interpretations is that they don’t think the new hair colour and extra length suits her and have decided that it’s more tactful to say nothing than try to pay a visibly insincere compliment. That may not be the case, but it’s one possibility.

What strikes me in the OP is that she says she always feels invisible and ugly and never gets complimented — it makes me wonder if she often drastically changes her appearance as a result of her poor self-esteem.

And agree on hair extensions, and the ethics.

Maybe people are going with the don't say anything, if you can't say anything nice mantra

I never notice people's cosmetic changes, I see the person not their looks.

That's a very drastic change. Perhaps people don't know what to say so play it safe and don't say anything.