For not wanting our friend couple to bring baby over to our house?

[Samatha09]

Hello dear people, my good friend (lets call her Ava) had her first baby for 11 months ago. A sweet baby girl. Me and my partner used to invite ava and her partner over for dinner and game nights, movie nights and vica versa (before baby). Now we have mostly gone at their home, my and my partner prefer that. Also they have everything the baby needs at their home, changing table, dining chair, toys ect. We also don’t have a childproof home. Decorations at floor and that. Since i know they let baby crawl around to explore.

Don’t want baby to ruin our stuff like get spit up or for the baby to eat or choke on something. I kinda feel like they getting disapointed on us, but she also implies that it won’t be easy to play board games or watch a movie with baby around. So this may sound very asshole like but me and my partner don’t see the point of inviting them over if its all gonna be centred about the baby. Also i said to my friend that we don’t always need to have dinner at her home whenever we come over. We don’t expect dinner tbh.We also bring with us some snacks and sodas over.

Also i think its easier for them than having to bring tons of stuff over for the baby

I don't think it's for you to say that it's "easier for them" to do all the hosting because you don't want their child in your house. Own your choice and accept that it probably means the friendship will fizzle out.

Your decision is perfectly reasonable. It's your home. The one place you can really control. If you are not comfortable with the idea, (and why should you be?) stick to your guns. It doesn't matter that other people may respond differently.
Life isn't 1 size fits all!

Ha ha - I was just thinking the same thing!

It's not just about being a death trap, it's about not wanting some kid damaging things in your home

really obsessed and in love with their baby. So afraid to come out as rude

You are rude, they're not in love with their baby. They have a baby which is a continual commitment every day. Nobody says you have to have a baby or take on that level of commitment. But it's not a lifestyle choice they can pick up and put down. Unlike having a pot plant that you can't be arsed to move even though you have literally nothing else making demands on your time.

SPOT ON

They are lovely at that age. So full of curiosity. My niece 12 month year old loves wheels. Anything with wheels on, he has to spin them.

This is why i love cultures which love babies. It’s so refreshing and heart-warming to see people go out of their way to welcome a lovely new human. They see them as a gift of life, not a burden.

sorry OP, time to move to new friends, these are not the friends you are looking for

You're acting like its a toddler running about, jumping on/off things, climbing, etc. It's only an 11 month old baby! If its crawling it would only be very, very slow so they can easily re-direct/pick up the baby. It would sleep most of the time anyway, and they could keep in the a baby capsule or strapped in a stroller. There is no need to even take the baby out of it. So yes you are being unreasonable, far easier at this stage when baby cannot crawl far and is not walking or running, than having the child over when it is actually mobile and can do damage.

Some folk don't find other people's babies particularly lovely though, and that's ok.

I’m a parent with a handful of childfree friends.

It sounds like you are very panicked about what could go wrong. But if adults are around a baby, there isn’t much that can go wrong. Yes, babies move around lots at that age - so I can see why you are concerned.

If you are really friends, is this something you can talk about - like “I’ve noticed baby is moving around lots and it’s probably easier for us to come to you - would that be ok?” Or “my house isn’t baby proof -it’s safe to keep baby out of x area, we can hang out I. The lounge”

Make a decision as to if this friendship is important to you. If so, think of baby friendly ways to hang out.

Tbf, my 8month old army crawls and she’s very fast 😂 she also wouldn’t sleep most of the time as she’s more of a night owl and prefers to sleep at times arse about face. BUT, OP is still unreasonable. My DD isn’t allowed to just randomly touch other peoples things, and we went for dinner at friends the other week. Funnily enough it was nice to get out the house then have them at ours!

I’ve also just seen the OP said her friends were obsessed with their baby. Mental.

We had friends that we used to do weekly social evenings with before I had DD, for years- every week, good friends, who were bridesmaid/groomsman at our wedding etc etc. Unfortunately once I had her they told my DH that they didn’t want the baby coming round even though she would have just slept, she was such a lovely quiet baby (she can still sleep anywhere). - they also have a child themselves, friends didn’t want to risk DD waking them up or anything and refuse to ever come to us. Now I see them twice a year at best (my DH sees them once a month but always has to go there so I’m left by myself for a night) and honestly it was so bloody isolating in those early months and made me so bloody depressed that I lost my only friends :(

OP, is it really too much effort to move a few things so that your friends can come to you every now and then?

If you don’t want them to come over, don’t invite them, it’s your prerogative.

They'll decide whether they want to keep inviting you over to their house. 🤷

Maybe but its certainly still a lot easier at this stage than when its a screaming, running crashing toddler or even older say up to 8 years old.

If OP cannot handle a crawling baby with both their parents there, then I don't think she'd be inviting a 5 year old around. I don't think she'll be having this couple over until the child is a teenager.

All of this. Around the time my friends were having babies, I lived in a (childfree) house with stone floors, a large glass coffee table and dining table, valuable & breakable things at floor level, you get the idea.

My friends said they'd bring a baby rug, no worries. Then they said I'd have to put corner bumpers on the coffee table, remove the dining chairs in case of toddlers climbing on that table, put covers on the wall sockets and, oh, I should move the things off the floor and the bottom shelves "if they're that important". They all thought these were entirely reasonable requests. I said no.

Don't beat yourself up OP. I'm childfree by choice and have always made compromises, allowances, adjustments for my parent friends.
How many did the same for me in return? ZERO! So if those friendships have 'drifted', it's most certainly on their part, not mine.
So, re hosting or not, do what works for you.

How much do you value this friendship? If you do, it will be necessary to find a way to socialise now that they have a baby. At eleven months she will be crawling, maybe trying to stand and walk, and will be into everything so your concern is justified, however it wouldn't take long to clear the room from anything that may be hazardous. You also say that your friend says that playing board games would be difficult with the baby. So why can't they get a babysitter if they want an adults only evening out? Another suggestion is for you alll to go out somewhere child friendly where you don't have to worry about stuff getting broken or hurting the baby. I don't mean a kids' place, just somewhere that little ones are welcome and safe.

it wouldn't take long to clear the room of anything that may be hazardous
🤣🤣🤣
Definitely spoken by someone who's lived in a child-oriented home for so long, she's forgotten there's any other sort! Or, like my friends with their "If your things are important", considers other people's lifestyles trivial in comparison to their own DC.

Your alternative suggestions are good, though, @TheTwinklyLemur. Restaurants have high chairs and infant amusements.

I’m not disagreeing, OP is a shit friend.

The parents will have to socialise around watching the baby whosever house they're at. I'd even say that expecting a games night with an 11 month old is a bit ambitious (I wish I had babies who would go to sleep at 7 on the dot!!)...

I get it if you go to theirs you can relax and they are responsible for baby. But if they come to you you have a responsibility to make sure baby doesn't get hurt plus you don't want your stuff to get damaged. It's just stressful
I'd just say "we are not really set up for a baby at ours why don't you come on a child free night.?" Or offer to occasionally pay for a takeaway/provide food.

OP isn't a "shit friend." How ridiculous.

No one is required to reorganize their home or lifestyle because others decided to become parents. Nor are they required to accept the chance that a child could be injured due to an overlooked hazard in a non-childproofed home.

If the other couple wants to get out of the house, they can meet OP at a cafe, pub, park or other venue.

Expecting her to change her space is presumptuous and absurd.

Well said, @Jumpingthruhoops

I find it's usually a "heads I win, tails you lose" attitude from new parents.

OP’s friends are getting a load of shit on here given all they’ve actually done according to the opening post is have a baby and repeatedly invited friends - who have not invited them back in return for nearly a year! - to their house.

Anyway OP you’re obviously entitled not to have them round but they are equally entitled to stop having you round. Whether this friendship will last is another matter entirely.