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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this cheeky? Giving child a lift?

276 replies

Bubblegirly · 30/11/2024 10:24

My DD aged 8 does a class every week and has for the last two years. Last week I ran into an old friend who I haven’t seen for around 3 years. She was bringing her DS for the first time. It was nice to catch up etc and we said see you next week.

ive just had a message asking if I can take and drop home her DS tomorrow as she is struggling to fit everything into her day. I’m like WTF? I only met DS last week for the first time. I’m going to say no but is this cheeky? It really feels it? It’s only his second week and I don’t want to set a precedent

OP posts:
Hoglet70 · 30/11/2024 10:30

Pretend you are going somewhere nowhere near her house on the way home so you can't do it.

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/11/2024 10:30

I agree with you. Very cheeky. Why sign your kid up to a class that you can't fit in?

MargaretThursday · 30/11/2024 10:36

I'd probably do the opposite. Say I could this week, but normally can't because we go somewhere afterwards, but it's been cancelled... just for this week.

That way you're doing it (and she owes you a favour) but you are immediately saying you can't every week.

Also depends on how she was when you knew her. Was she a bit inclined to ask for help, or not? If she was, then back out quickly. If she wasn't then maybe she really is desperate.

NeedSomeComfy · 30/11/2024 10:39

I think you should be honest(ish) and say that you don't know the child well enough and you don't feel comfortable being responsible for him alone so early. Making excuses like you have to go somewhere else will only lead to complications if you have to double down on the lie later on.

Noshowlomo · 30/11/2024 10:41

Yeah that’s cheeky. Is it even on your way?

rainonthefield · 30/11/2024 10:41

Yes don’t make an excuse as it sounds like you would if you could. It’s hard but I do think it’s best to be politely honest, something like ‘I’m sorry Mary, the answer will have to be no as it is a big responsibility and we don’t know Jimmy very well.’

JustinThyme · 30/11/2024 10:41

“Sorry, just too busy. Great to see you last week - hope we can get together for a coffee during the class in the new year.”

Runskiyoga · 30/11/2024 10:45

Yes, too soon to ask a favour or suggest a lift share, saying no now will prevent further hassle. 'No, sorry, I'm often short on time myself too'

ChristmasGrinch24 · 30/11/2024 10:47

Just say you're going the opposite way after club and your running late this morning so you can't.

2chocolateoranges · 30/11/2024 10:47

I’d message back.

im sorry, I can’t do it as I’m short on time to get to the class each week myself. I don’t want dd to be late.

Thedishwasherbroke · 30/11/2024 10:48

I wouldn’t even give a reason.

”Hi, afraid I can’t, hope you get something sorted.”

If it was because she’d had a sudden bereavement or had a second child in hospital I’d absolutely do it for her, or if she was someone I’d seen regularly and it was reciprocal I would, but how feeble is “struggling to fit everything into my day”?!

devongirl12 · 30/11/2024 10:51

MargaretThursday · 30/11/2024 10:36

I'd probably do the opposite. Say I could this week, but normally can't because we go somewhere afterwards, but it's been cancelled... just for this week.

That way you're doing it (and she owes you a favour) but you are immediately saying you can't every week.

Also depends on how she was when you knew her. Was she a bit inclined to ask for help, or not? If she was, then back out quickly. If she wasn't then maybe she really is desperate.

Edited

I'd either say no straight away, or I would do this.

Guess it depends on what she is like in general.

But yeah, it's very cheeky, particularly as she doesn't even have an actual reason.

AnotherDelphinium · 30/11/2024 10:51

”Oh gosh, I do as well! How about we take it in turns to take our LO and we’ll each get some time back and they’ll both benefit from the class?”

Obviously this only works if it’s something you’re interested in doing!

GretchenWienersHair · 30/11/2024 10:51

I think it’s important to be able to reach out to others when needing support and believe that the worst that can happen is they’ll say no. So I don’t think it’s cheeky for her to ask but I also don’t think it would be rude for you to say no.

JetskiSkyJumper · 30/11/2024 10:52

Hell no. You'll be taking him every week before you know it.

Justcallmebebes · 30/11/2024 10:53

I wouldn't mind this at all. I do a lot of running my DGCs around for school and clubs and often end up picking up or dropping off a random strange child

I would expect the favour to be reciprocated though, if I needed a favour

FiftyPenceWorth · 30/11/2024 10:53

'Sorry, no I won't be able to do that'. No further explanation or excuses, don't give her anything to come back on. It'll also make it easier to say no if (when) she asks again.

PS Don't say 'sorry' if you don't want. I'm just saying it how I would if it was me

StripyHorse · 30/11/2024 10:54

If you do say yes, I would say something along the lines of....

"I know the feeling, it always seems such a rush fitting everything in. Sharing the pick ups and drop offs would help me too. I can alternate every other week with you."

But of course, this is only if it would suit you to share lifts.

Otherwise, there is no obligation to say yes.

Fannyfiggs · 30/11/2024 10:57

JustinThyme · 30/11/2024 10:41

“Sorry, just too busy. Great to see you last week - hope we can get together for a coffee during the class in the new year.”

This is a perfect response.

Helpmebestylish · 30/11/2024 11:07

The fact you haven't spoken to her in 3 years and you have only met the child she is being cheeky.

I think if you just say no and nip it in the bud straight away she won't ask again.
If you do it once she will keep asking.

NotSorry · 30/11/2024 11:07

AnotherDelphinium · 30/11/2024 10:51

”Oh gosh, I do as well! How about we take it in turns to take our LO and we’ll each get some time back and they’ll both benefit from the class?”

Obviously this only works if it’s something you’re interested in doing!

I agree with this. However, we came unstuck with this so-called arrangement because the mum didn't drive, and the dad was always getting home late from work. More often than not, we had to do both ways, which was annoying as I had 3 younger children at home, and it was past their bedtime.

I don't agree with lying OP as you could come unstuck.

pumpkinpillow · 30/11/2024 11:10

"I'm happy to do it this week, but you will definitely not be able to rely on me regularly as I have my own commitments."

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/11/2024 11:17

I’d probably do it once, but be ‘unable’ after that - unless of course she offered to reciprocate with alternate lifts.

I used to know someone with 6 kids*, who ‘didn’t drive’ (NB not ‘couldn’t) who’d sit at home enjoying a glass of wine or two while everyone else charged around in the rush hour, ferrying her kids to and from activities.

As a friend said, ‘She’s the clever one - we’re the mugs.’
*not a poor single mum, married and very comfortably off.

BlueMum16 · 30/11/2024 11:22

Thedishwasherbroke · 30/11/2024 10:48

I wouldn’t even give a reason.

”Hi, afraid I can’t, hope you get something sorted.”

If it was because she’d had a sudden bereavement or had a second child in hospital I’d absolutely do it for her, or if she was someone I’d seen regularly and it was reciprocal I would, but how feeble is “struggling to fit everything into my day”?!

This.

Being direct is the best policy. No excuses.

SometimesCalmPerson · 30/11/2024 11:25

Unfortunately it’s always a struggle to fit everything in and like you, I don’t have space for an extra child either. Hope you can sort something out.