Is this cheeky? Giving child a lift?

[Bubblegirly]

My DD aged 8 does a class every week and has for the last two years. Last week I ran into an old friend who I haven’t seen for around 3 years. She was bringing her DS for the first time. It was nice to catch up etc and we said see you next week.

ive just had a message asking if I can take and drop home her DS tomorrow as she is struggling to fit everything into her day. I’m like WTF? I only met DS last week for the first time. I’m going to say no but is this cheeky? It really feels it? It’s only his second week and I don’t want to set a precedent

Stop with the justifications.

A simple NO I can't is enough.

Ask her if she's ok

I’d say you’re sorry but you just don’t want the responsibility of someone else’s child, also you never know from one week to the next where you’ll be before or be going to after.

Where does it say the child is 3?

Blimey! So true, I just don't get the anger and hostility.

It doesn't. The age of the child isn't given.

Say no. No elaborate responses. No made up sceanarios. Simply, unfortunately cannot assist, hope you get transport sorted best wishes ya chancer

It’s very normal to share lifts to activities with friends. In an ideal world, you’d help her out this week and she could take your dd in a future week when you’re stuck. It’s not at all cheeky to ask. Very normal when you are shuttling dc around to activities. But if you can’t or don’t feel comfortable, just say, sorry, can’t do it.

I once had newish neighbours, knew them to say hello in passing but that was it. My son and their son got on well so I knew the child as the boys would go from one house to another. Saw the boy a couple of days after Christmas and said Ihoped he had a nice Christmas and he said no he spent the day alone and had no Christmas dinner. I was shocked and found out his mother had been rushed into hospital that morning as she had a miscarriage. Her husband went with her and their child, he was about 9 or 10, was left behind. I don't think they realised how long they would be at the hospital. Forty years later I still feel sad that they didn't think they could knock on the door and ask if I could have him for the day.

The reply is ‘ No sorry but that doesn’t work for me ‘ . What makes this cf think her time is more important than yours .

That’s sad but in no way comparable to cadging a lift
Your Neighbours had a medical emergency and left in a rush, unprepared and anxious. Not anticipating how long they’d be in hospital. Knocking the next door neighbour door would not have been a priority
@Bubblegirly scenario is the friend is a chancer looking for a free pick up and drop off to a shared class

I was wondering if she's not coping too.

Why did you give her your number? You must have had a friendly chat for her to leave you such a message.

If she lives near you I don't see a problem, just tell her that you can't commit to doing it on a regular basis but are happy to help her out while she is getting sorted. That is if you are happy, it sounds as though you're not.

IME most of us would help willingly in a real emergency; what we object to is folk trying to take advantage simply to make their lives easier (and again IME the type who expect this are the very last to return the favour, even if they agree to at the time)

I do agree though that's there's no need at all for hostility; a "no" without refutable reasons tacked on does the job perfectly well and avoids angst when that "one off" inevitably becomes an ongoing expectation

If it was nice to catch up - why would you not want to build this relationship?

Would you consider car sharing - lighten the load for both of you?

She might be looking to off load this task every week and that would indeed be taking the piss - but she might have a lot on tomorrow, unexpectedly, and didn't explain fully. Ask a few more questions and see if it might be to your advantage.

Equally, you may not want to car share, your daughter might not want to go with anyone else and it would be perfectly reasonable to say so, but I think it is strange to say no, when someone has asked for a favour.

Well I would do it - unless it is a massive detour. You are going anyway and it would seem a kindness. If for any reason it does not work well for you, you can say so.

Maybe the majority of people in your world (which may crossover with the MN world), but in my real life experience, no one is this much of a dick. People will either share favours or say no. It’s really not that deep.

It doesn't. Maybe something is going on with the mum, she needs a bit of help and support. So why not give the child a lift? Why do people get anxious, stressed and angry about it?
Give the child a lift, and it could be reciprocal. I don't understand not wanting to do a favour.
We all need them at some point.

I honestly can't understand why you would say no, unless you genuinely couldn't or it was a massive detour or something. People are weird.

I’d say no because I’m not a taxi, I don’t want the hassle of accommodating another child who’s mum can’t be arsed because she’s too busy,but expects someone else to step up

Exactly. I have no idea why the responses are so negative. You give a child a lift, you do the Mum a favour. I'm guessing some on here have never needed a favour or a bit of help. Perhaps they have been lucky.

If you don't want to do it then don't. Most of us juggle work and kids and struggle timewise. A one off emergency or suggestion of a lift share would be ok but if she's "struggling to fit it into the day" that's likely to be the same every week i.e. It will quickly become your responsibility, adding a bit more time to the journey each week while CF gets some me time. And looking after someone else's small child including driving (car seats?) is a notable responsibility anyway.

I would say sorry, I struggle to fit it in too so can't take on any more on top. Achieves objective and makes the point that her time and "busyness" doesn't trump yours.

I am so glad the actual real life humans in my life do not in any way resemble this bizarre MN alternate universe where someone asking if you’d mind giving their child a lift to a place you are going to anyway is seen as such an outrageous request. Of course I would. And others would do the same for me.
I always wonder whether MNers appreciate the irony of this site constantly bemoaning how lonely posters are and how we no longer have a village raising children but not connecting that a village means we all help each other. You too.

Is it a big detour or would be massively inconvenient? If not I would assume the best, after all you described this woman as an old friend, not a random stranger.

There have certainly been times when something unexpected has come up & I struggle to be in 2 places at once. Give her the benefit of the doubt this time, not everyone is a cf.

Don’t plan an activity if you can’t maintain it.Dont expect acquaintances to sort out your transport mess
Why do women need to do favours and be nice? I don’t need to resolve someone else bad planning