Is this cheeky? Giving child a lift?

[Bubblegirly]

My DD aged 8 does a class every week and has for the last two years. Last week I ran into an old friend who I haven’t seen for around 3 years. She was bringing her DS for the first time. It was nice to catch up etc and we said see you next week.

ive just had a message asking if I can take and drop home her DS tomorrow as she is struggling to fit everything into her day. I’m like WTF? I only met DS last week for the first time. I’m going to say no but is this cheeky? It really feels it? It’s only his second week and I don’t want to set a precedent

Mn is so full of contractions , I’ve read countless times on threads when people have no support being told to reach out and actually ask others for help as most people are happy to help 🤷‍♀️
@Bubblegirly If I was going anyway and it wasn’t too far I would have no issue with this but hear you that you may not want it to be a regular thing.

I completely agree - a fair assessment without assuming anything about her intentions asking. I need to remember to take this approach when I feel put on.

I wouldnt reply to the message at all.

And if you do, reply "no", but AFTER you have picked your child up from said activity.

Although the most appropriate response is "fuck off".

I would just assume that obviously she meant take it in turns

"Yes, it is hard - great idea to lift share, can you do next week and I will do the week after?"

Only on Mumsnet is giving a lift the equivalent of donating a kidney.

This. Cheeky or not, I would not be happy taking responsibility for a strange child, and especially not if I was driving a car.

Only you know what your friend is like, OP.

I suspect you know she's got history for taking the piss, never giving back, hence you're on here asking...

Go with what you know combined with what you want to do. But maintain the ability to say no without apology.

I'd do it for this week but if she asks again I'd just say this time you can't and so she will know she can't rely on you every time. She can ask but you don't have to say yes.

She could fit in taking him but bumped into you and realised that if you took him and dropped him back off, then she would have a couple of hours a week to herself.

Just a " No. that's not going to work for us"
Hope you sort something out.
Text will do

It depends on the OP.
In this case, the OP doesn't want to give a lift, so the answers reflect that.

YANBU.

Sorry, but if she can't fit in taking her child to a club in his SECOND week, then sorry kid, you can't do this particular club on this particular day.

That being said, if his front door was literally being driven past on the way to the club, or less than a minute's detour, I MIGHT do a "I can do next week as a one-off, but won't be able to help out any more than that!" and take him.

But heaven help her if she asked again any time within the next 6 months.

Absolutely this

Giving reasons only invites pushback as to why "it won't be a problem, honest", and if it was a genuine emergency she'd no doubt have said so

I’d give the lift as she’s only said ‘tomorrow’ - no need to go over the top about whether ‘tomorrow’ meant ‘forever’ until it happens…

also depends on whether the kids get on as well…

Why would this be an appropriate response? What’s the need for the hostility? She asked for a favour, the answer is no. There doesn’t need to be any bad blood over it.

This. Do these CFs think they’re the only ones with busy lives?!

Asking for a favour, such as the one asked, after 3 years is absolutely a colossal fucking piss take.

Maybe not for you, but most certainly is for the majority of people.

This is the best option imo - even saying that you won't because you don't know the child well enough gives the chance for your friend to 'remedy' that 'issue' and then what can you say?

"No I can't that doesn't work for me" leaves nowhere for her to go to try and change that.

Don’t be daft, Kate! If it was someone she saw regularly or someone suggesting shared lifts the answers would be different.

Someone starting out at a child’s activity and trying to cadge a lift without offering to share is on the cheeky side.

“I’m mad busy this week - is there any chance you could take DS and I will DD next week?”
^ very different replies for that

I think this is what she thought, too. And I think OP knows it, too, as she knows what she's like.

If no trouble for the next week then I'd do it (and presume it's a one off). If she asked again, I'd presume she was instigating a lift share arrangement and ask about sharing the driving. Honestly, I'd love some lift sharing for activities, so I'd definitely make that assumption and try to sign them up I'd embrace the cheeky and spin it around.

That made me laugh but it is so true.

So not true.

Taking a 3 year old you don't know anywhere is a major, major ask. (stranger, car seats, don't know them or what they're like in a car, will your own child even like them, cope with them, and so on)

And then being responsible for said 3 year old for their new 'class' and getting them home.

Huge ask.

Such a request should only be done in emergencies, and even then, more appropriately asked of someone they actually know!

OP hasn't seen this woman for 3 years and has met the child once. This does appear on all accounts a CF request and sounds like more piss taking will be had if she thinks she's found a sucker.

But maybe I'm hard.

Oh my goodness. Just give the child a lift.
You may need a favour some day.
Why are people so reluctant to help?.

don't bother with this kind of limp-lettuce rubbish.

Say that you can't. No excuses, no lies no nothing.

And if down the line you don't mind, then say it then. And maybe you could share the driving and take it in terms. But only if/when you feel comfortable with it.

I know ☺️! Plus they always suggest lying.
It's a default setting for some.