To think this was crappy parenting?

[Liesmorelies]

This irritated me at the time and is playing on my mind now...

I took ds (5) to the park earlier with his younger brother. When we got to the play area it was empty apart from a girl around the same age as ds whose parents (presumably) were sitting on benches outside the play area, able to see her but not to hear anything unless it was shouting.

As soon as the dc and I entered the girl made a beeline for us, not surprisingly. She did the usual 5 year old thing of talking 'at' me, which was obviously fine. She was telling me about her school, her teacher etc etc. The problem was, ds kept trying to engage with her and was responding with details about his school and so on. Ds is a talker anyway and needs persuading to stop chewing my ear off and go on the slide! However, the girl was totally blanking ds and kept directing all her comments to me. I was replying but also trying to involve ds? 'That sounds good, ds likes that book too ....' only because he wanted to join in. The girl was resolutely ignoring him.

It went on like that for a little while and then suddenly ds just started howling and buried his face in my skirt, like a child in a story. He's not a big crier at all and has never done the burying his face thing before. I was completely taken aback. Of course we left, and as we crossed the playground, I saw the girl's adults staring at us and shaking their heads and as we passed them one of them said, 'oh dear.' I was pretty pissed off at that point. Their child was bored and lonely and needed some adult interaction and they were just sat there and then said 'oh dear' about my child! So I said, not particularly loudly, 'you might want to try interacting with your child...' No idea if they heard me though.

AIBU to think that their parenting was pretty shit?

I agree. Maybe she has no siblings at home and is used to talking to (at!) adults as a way of getting attention. I see why DS would be crushed by that. Not one to easily solve! And not helped by the non engaged parents.

My youngest likes to talk the ear off adults, she's old enough to play independently but I'm vigilant to her being irritating. In theory playing while they're on a bench is fine, he can go over if he wants to interact, it's not coming over when he's bothering you that's not ok.

I'm torn tbh. I can see why you were annoyed, but...

At 5 that's the sort of age they can play independently and from their perspective it probably looked like you were all happily chatting. They may have thought you were helicoptering!

I think in this sort of situation where a child joins you and your DC isn't happy about it, you need to intervene yourself and get them to either listen or go play elsewhere.

I think as a working parent I go to the playground to spend time with my DC, but my SAHM friends go to get a break as they're already spending loads of time together. I think your comment probably came across as needlessly bitchy.

No I don't think their parenting is shit. Sounds like they were trying to be nice or empathetic towards you that your child was crying and you were rude for no reason?

You have a long road ahead if you are going to spend your life slagging off every one elses parenting at the park.

I don't know why you would leave at that point instead of trying to rectify the situation.

Why didn't you just send them off to play

Yes that too, I wouldn't have left.

I hope they didn't hear you because I read your post twice and still can't see what they did wrong.

The child is 5 she doesn't need them interacting and helicoptering around her. If you didn't want to interact with her you didn't have to and the oh dear comment was most likely sympathetic as in we've all been there poor lamb.

It sounds like you were just looking for an argument to be honest.

I've said "oh dear" or similar to parents of crying children before. It's an expression of solidarity, not a dig.

I think it's unfair to assume they are crap at parenting. Clearly their DD is a talker and confident to engage with other adults. Of course you have no idea why she behaved like this. You are clearly angry that your DS was upset due to this child's behaviour and that's understandable. Them saying 'oh dear' as you walked out is a pretty standard thing that parents say to other parents when a child is upset/crying or something. I know I have said this in empathy, solidarity or an attempt to support a stranger many times. I don't think this makes them shit, I think you are upset and this is clouding your judgement which as I said is totally understandable. Try to forget about it OP.

I don’t really see what they did wrong, by 5 dc usually don’t need a parent over the top of them when playing. I always took a book to read at the park and just kept an eye/ear out from a bench.
If you didn’t want to chat with her and felt that ds was being blanked then tell your dc to play and just don’t engage with the little girl any more and go sit down.
I have definitely done the oh dear thing too.

I honestly don't know how I would have rectified the situation - I have honestly never seen ds so upset so suddenly. Never had to peel him off my legs before. If he was given to outbursts like that I suppose I would find ways of dealing with them but I'm not.

So you felt out of your depth and took it out on the other parents?

They're probably telling their friends about the rude mum and dramatic kid they met at the park.

I do accept they probably meant the 'oh dear,' kindly, and I'm not saying they are crap at parenting, just that this specific example of their parenting was crap. Saying their child didn't need interaction is rubbish though. She clearly did - she wasn't doing anything when we arrived and the place was empty. She was bored. Anyone could see that. I've sat on benches and read while my children have played, but this wasn't happening.

Why did your Ds start crying?

Yes, probably, while missing out the bit where they sat on their arses while their child listlessly hung around on her own and then latched on to some strangers, while displaying no social skills towards her peers resulting in one becoming very upset.

Not her fault, but she needed input from a parent.

If I saw my kid talking away at another adult for ages I'd go over and join the conversation. It's rude not to. The other parent isn't there to entertain your kid while you chat or read your phone.

He was upset at being continually blanked despite his repeated efforts to engage.

Hmmm... sounds like your precious son needs to work on his resilience when someone doesn't want to play with him. Perhaps if you didn't helicopter him he would learn to cope with the rules of the jungle park.

Just saying....

Oh. Perhaps you should have just sent them off to play.

I see the lazy parent brigade have turned up...

To be honest sounds like the girl has poor social skills. Talking at you for so long and not letting him reply.
But if so its possible if they sit too close she just wanrs to talk to adults/her parents so they are hoping she will play if they are further away.
Or maybe she thought ds was much younger if she hadnt let him say anything.

Been there. Kids who prefer talk to me than my ds. I gently shoo them off (with my ds) feigning having to make an important call. Works all the time.

Why didn't you just tell them both to go off & play? As in bluntly say "Come on you're both here to play not talk to me. If you're not going to play we'll just leave."