To think this was crappy parenting?

[Liesmorelies]

This irritated me at the time and is playing on my mind now...

I took ds (5) to the park earlier with his younger brother. When we got to the play area it was empty apart from a girl around the same age as ds whose parents (presumably) were sitting on benches outside the play area, able to see her but not to hear anything unless it was shouting.

As soon as the dc and I entered the girl made a beeline for us, not surprisingly. She did the usual 5 year old thing of talking 'at' me, which was obviously fine. She was telling me about her school, her teacher etc etc. The problem was, ds kept trying to engage with her and was responding with details about his school and so on. Ds is a talker anyway and needs persuading to stop chewing my ear off and go on the slide! However, the girl was totally blanking ds and kept directing all her comments to me. I was replying but also trying to involve ds? 'That sounds good, ds likes that book too ....' only because he wanted to join in. The girl was resolutely ignoring him.

It went on like that for a little while and then suddenly ds just started howling and buried his face in my skirt, like a child in a story. He's not a big crier at all and has never done the burying his face thing before. I was completely taken aback. Of course we left, and as we crossed the playground, I saw the girl's adults staring at us and shaking their heads and as we passed them one of them said, 'oh dear.' I was pretty pissed off at that point. Their child was bored and lonely and needed some adult interaction and they were just sat there and then said 'oh dear' about my child! So I said, not particularly loudly, 'you might want to try interacting with your child...' No idea if they heard me though.

AIBU to think that their parenting was pretty shit?

Not really no. Why do you need to be with them in the park? At 2 and 3 yes, but at some point you need to let them start to develop independence.

The child was 5. A 'why don't you 2 go and play' would have sorted the situation without any need for dramatics from anyone. It must be exhausting to get so uptight about non issues.

Well it is the OP, and both of her children who ended up leaving because the OP did not handle the situation happening in front of her. It is all very well saying that the other parents should have done this, or that.

I get I could have been a bit more assertive with her, but I don't see why the other parents get a free pass for just sitting there doing absolutely nothing when they could see she was right up close to us all the time and they must have seen her just hanging around before we arrived. It wasn't as simple as moving away - it's a small place and I'm sure she would have followed. I would have then had to get pretty stern, which is not what I go to the park for! Why is it UR to think they could have got up and checked what was happening?

I think most of us have encountered this scenario at one point or another. The vast majority of 5yos will be pretty easy to jolly along to play or listen or whatever. OP didn't advocate for her DS.

Why would you have to get stern? Why could you not let the kids play together and focus your attention on the younger one? I really don’t get the issue.

In these situations you look past her and say "oh my goodness, is that...is that a... triceratops in the trees there" she turns to look and you leg it to the slide.

You overreacted big time and you're very prickly. You really took both your children home because a five year old didn't want to chat to your son?

Agree op. But on here you'll get loads of excuses for the lazy parents.

They weren't asking OP to entertain their child though. She chose to stand there and chat instead of telling a five year old to buzz off and play. Are we honestly saying that as a grown woman, OP needed rescuing from a chatty kid because she couldn't handle it herself?

Nothing was happening though, a 5 year old was chatting to you?
The only odd thing was your child being so upset.

It's not weird for a 5 year old to cry! He felt left out by the girl AND his mum who were talking. I can't stand all these judgmental comments about kids crying. He probably felt that the girl was "taking his mum away from him" and he got blanked by the girl when trying to join the conversation. Sure, OP could have handled it better having sent them both off, and she probably will next time, but jeezus if a 5 year old is not allowed to cry then who is?

Well I'm sorry you must be misunderstanding for some reason. They were not playing. What do you mean why didn't I let them play?? They weren't playing and she was showing zero interest in doing so.

YABU, the child was in a playground you expect them to interact with the other people in the playground.

Why didn't you remove yourself and leave the children to play separately. And no it isn't bad parenting to let them have some time in a playground.

Why you are blaming your childs behaviour on a five year old?

And stop calling perfectly normal parenting expectancy as lazy. Your descriptions of your behaviour doesn't glow.

You were quite rude to say what you said.

It's relatively normal to see a child cry and say 'oh dear' or 'bless him' or something. What should they have said??

I don't think the girls parents did anything wrong. She was playing and you chose to engage with her when she spoke to you.

In the past I've had many kids approach me. If I've not wanted to engage I will say something like, 'we are going to go to the swing now,.it was nice to chat with you, now you need to go to your mummy. Bye' or something.like that.

You r the adult and it's up to.you to manage the conversation and prioritise your DS.by ending the conversation with the random.girl if you r not happy with it.

Nothing to blame the girls parents for here.

@arcticpandas no, a 5 yr old crying is par for the course. But the op described him as being more upset than she’s ever seen him in his life. Which is a bit odd. Not the kids fault but also not a reason to blame the other parents for…..nothing really

Depends on the kids, depends on the family. My DC are nursery/out of school club kids, so if we're at a playground it's the weekend and the four of us are out together for a walk. They don't need more time playing with other kids but do need fun downtime with their parents.

They don't need supervision in a park though, and if they run into a friend they'll be away. There's nothing wrong with letting 5yos play independently, indeed much to be encouraged.

I hate shit parenting, but this isn't it. Maybe they didn't come over because you seemed okay engaging with her. How

Apparently only children (maybe she is) do better with adult interaction, which may also explain why she was more interested in you.

I'm more concerned that your son started howling as a result, and you fled the park. Why not say to her, you go find your adult now and start moving away. Sounds like an all round lack of control and resilience.

Sounds like they were just empathising with your situation. Doesn’t everyone shake their heads vaguely and mutter ‘oh dear’ in solidarity at a tantrum.

Their kid wasn’t really being neglected. It’s fine for kids to be bored and make their own entertainment - especially at a park! My eldest thinks I’m their personal entertainer and that’s on me. They’re not poor parents just because they don’t interact with their kid all the time.

Right - so it's great parenting to take your child to a deserted playground where they stand there showing no interest in doing anything and you sit well away from them just letting them stand there. You're not teaching them/allowing them to play with other children as there are none there! You are just sitting there. Fine, we all do it sometimes. But it is a bit crappy. I feel there are a lot of smug parents who congratulate themselves on how much independence they give their children while remaining blissfully unaware of what actually goes on with their children in the park.

You're coming across as really judgemental. I also have absolutely no idea how you can possibly know she wasn't playing before you turned up.

Look OP you were there, you know best how it was. And you seem to have made your mind up which is fine. But personally I do object to being called a lazy parent for letting my kid play alone in a park - she’d be perfectly happy in an empty playground and could amuse herself for hours, truly, which is the result of actually quite a lot of thought and effort and intention on my part. I know it isn’t personal but just wanted to challenge that.

It's a park, not an abandoned mine shaft in Death Valley.

I wouldn't be too smug about your brilliant parenting when your son cries inconsolably because he isn't getting attention.

Presumably they thought you were quite capable of telling the girl to get lost if she was bothering you?

Kids approach me in play centres all the time because they're interested in DD (18 months). Do I really want a 6 year old asking me if DD gets milk from my boobies or a bottle? No, not really, but I don't expect their parents to come over to make sure I'm ok 😂

You are coming across as the smug parent.