To think this was crappy parenting?

[Liesmorelies]

This irritated me at the time and is playing on my mind now...

I took ds (5) to the park earlier with his younger brother. When we got to the play area it was empty apart from a girl around the same age as ds whose parents (presumably) were sitting on benches outside the play area, able to see her but not to hear anything unless it was shouting.

As soon as the dc and I entered the girl made a beeline for us, not surprisingly. She did the usual 5 year old thing of talking 'at' me, which was obviously fine. She was telling me about her school, her teacher etc etc. The problem was, ds kept trying to engage with her and was responding with details about his school and so on. Ds is a talker anyway and needs persuading to stop chewing my ear off and go on the slide! However, the girl was totally blanking ds and kept directing all her comments to me. I was replying but also trying to involve ds? 'That sounds good, ds likes that book too ....' only because he wanted to join in. The girl was resolutely ignoring him.

It went on like that for a little while and then suddenly ds just started howling and buried his face in my skirt, like a child in a story. He's not a big crier at all and has never done the burying his face thing before. I was completely taken aback. Of course we left, and as we crossed the playground, I saw the girl's adults staring at us and shaking their heads and as we passed them one of them said, 'oh dear.' I was pretty pissed off at that point. Their child was bored and lonely and needed some adult interaction and they were just sat there and then said 'oh dear' about my child! So I said, not particularly loudly, 'you might want to try interacting with your child...' No idea if they heard me though.

AIBU to think that their parenting was pretty shit?

Hmmm sorry but it's not them coming across as crappy. Kids come up to us in the park all the time and chat my lugs off it's what young kids do. Tbh if yours gets upset just because another child talks to you then that's the problem, none of my 3 cry just because a child comes running up and I've heard oh dear a few times with crying toddlers or similar and not once did I think the people saying it were being rude it was more sympathetic towards the crying toddlers parents.

You had the ready made excuse of having DS2 there. You could have said ‘well it’s been nice chatting but I have to watch DS2 as he’s only little. I’m sure you big children can play without me?’ or something. I’m sure she would have got bored of you eventually and then gone off, either with or without DS5

@Liesmorelies you were out of line saying the young child hadn't got the memo.

And no we don't need to intervene every occasion a child has an interaction in front of us. That's one way to raise a child without confidence.

The child was safe. Your issue was you and your son didn't just crack on, no judgement. That's simply what happened. If your son has have ran off to a piece of apparatus and you brought your youngest to a piece she would have probably stepped away or followed your eldest.

She was a child being a child🤷‍♀️

Frankly, I'd have just interrupted her monologue and said, "Well, that was a lot of chat! Off you go and play! Bye bye!" And make a shooing motion.

But then I spent 10 years teaching Reception, and if I stood passively for every 5 year old monologue, I'd never have got anything done!

I think you over-reacted to the "oh dear!" I've made similar comments to crying children/parents at parks etc before. It's an attempt at sympathy/solidarity. Not an attack on their parenting.

Yes, the little girl approached you. But why does that matter? It was your choice to chat with her (which was a kind thing to do). It was also your choice to stalk off and make a rude comment to her parents. You could have responded quite differently, as PPs have noted. You assumed that the child would follow you, but you can’t possibly know that. And even if your assumptions proved correct, so what? Once again, you could have chosen to respond in any number of ways.

Your children are still young. You will encounter hundreds of similar situations in the next few years. I really think you’ve blown a non-event out of proportion with your reaction. It’s good for children to discover that other people won’t always behave as they want them to. It’s also important to step back and allow children to learn how to navigate the social world. Yes, your son was disappointed that the girl was more interested in chatting with you than with him. And his disappointment is perfectly understandable. But that’s life. By leaving the park and making a snide comment to the child’s parents, you’ve sent a message to your son that this is the appropriate response, when in fact there were many other (and IMO better) options.

The memo comment was responding to someone who seemed to think I had somehow prevented the girl from playing on the equipment by insisting on interacting with her

Er no. It was someone bemused by your horror that a parent would take a child to an empty play park because YOU think the point of them is interaction with others, not using the equipment.

Why did you leave? Couldn’t you have comforted him and then motivated him to carry on with the day. You’d all have had a better day, including his sibling.