To think this was crappy parenting?

[Liesmorelies]

This irritated me at the time and is playing on my mind now...

I took ds (5) to the park earlier with his younger brother. When we got to the play area it was empty apart from a girl around the same age as ds whose parents (presumably) were sitting on benches outside the play area, able to see her but not to hear anything unless it was shouting.

As soon as the dc and I entered the girl made a beeline for us, not surprisingly. She did the usual 5 year old thing of talking 'at' me, which was obviously fine. She was telling me about her school, her teacher etc etc. The problem was, ds kept trying to engage with her and was responding with details about his school and so on. Ds is a talker anyway and needs persuading to stop chewing my ear off and go on the slide! However, the girl was totally blanking ds and kept directing all her comments to me. I was replying but also trying to involve ds? 'That sounds good, ds likes that book too ....' only because he wanted to join in. The girl was resolutely ignoring him.

It went on like that for a little while and then suddenly ds just started howling and buried his face in my skirt, like a child in a story. He's not a big crier at all and has never done the burying his face thing before. I was completely taken aback. Of course we left, and as we crossed the playground, I saw the girl's adults staring at us and shaking their heads and as we passed them one of them said, 'oh dear.' I was pretty pissed off at that point. Their child was bored and lonely and needed some adult interaction and they were just sat there and then said 'oh dear' about my child! So I said, not particularly loudly, 'you might want to try interacting with your child...' No idea if they heard me though.

AIBU to think that their parenting was pretty shit?

How long were.you stalking this family before entering the play park? It would have to be a while to know the girl.was standing there doing nothing for a notable amount of time, and not literally the minute before you arrived.

Quite a strange thread, judging a girl and their family because your own DS had a strange reaction to a situation you put him in and made no effort to change. You were also rude tob parents you don't know and formed judgements about based on one short observation of them sitting on a bench.

(You have no idea about the circumstances of this family. Anything could have happened which meant the adults needed to sit.and talk about something.out of ear shot of DC. Death of a parent, family illness, anything. Sometimes it's ok to talk while your DC plays in a safe area where you can see them).

You're really not coming across well here.

Letting a child play without adult interference is very very normal.

For some kids, leaving them to their own devices is exactly what they need.

I feel there are a lot of smug parents who congratulate themselves on how much independence they give their children while remaining blissfully unaware of what actually goes on with their children in the park.

but what actually went on? Their child talked to you and your son had a meltdown. None of this was the child or the child’s parents fault! Perhaps you should look into some resilience building strategies for your son and you.

I see the lazy parent brigade have turned up...

Oh, the irony!! 😆

Agree. You and your son are the problem here.

Sometimes children with autism or other conditions like that can be more drawn to interacting with adults than other children and are not able to recognise the social cues from your son, just a thought. I do agree with others I would likely have joined in the conversation if my child was chatting to someone for ages.

Sorry but it sounds like a total non event all round other than your son getting puzzlingly upset out the blue.

Huh? They knew what was going on with the child. For all you know they'd spent time entertaining the child before you arrived, then left her to play freely.
The park wasn't deserted with them there chatting.
Maybe your idea that children need parents hovering 24/7 is why your son fell apart for not having your attention for or a few minutes.

Well the playground is across the park and you can see it as you approach. I could see she was just standing there for a good few minutes as we approached but, yes, she might have been playing before that.

Ds plays brilliantly with other kids - that's why he was upset that she wasn't interested. Not her fault, as I've said. Unlike others on here who are keen to pick fault with ds who is just a 5 year old who got upset in a way he doesn't normally. He is pretty resilient - has an annoying younger sibling he gets on with, plenty of friends, no issues at school. But yes, he's the problem.

He's not a problem. You're causing him problems with your horror at the idea of a five year old not being fussed over every waking moment.

Let me guess, anyone who is not providing 24/7 entertainment to their child is a lazy parent?
The little girls had enough confidence to approach and have a conversation with an adult. She is not obligated to talk to your son who, by your own standards is not particularly confident with his social skills if he was not able to assert himself. To be fair, I wouldn't expect a 5-year-old to have strong communication skills but I am a "lazy parent".
You saw a child being bored. I say it's excellent. Boredom is essential for fostering creativity and self-regulation. A bored child is a healthy child who grows up to be an adult never lonely in their own company.

Maybe your idea that children need parents hovering 24/7 is why your son fell apart for not having your attention for or a few minutes.

He didn't want my attention, he wanted hers, but ok.

I take issue with the idea that either 5 year old is at "fault" here. One was being a bit rude by blanking, and one was perhaps a bit over sensitive, but that is judging them by our adult standards. They are children still figuring all of this out!

I agree with you OP. It's is pretty crap parenting. On your part. Instead of teaching him resilience , you taught your ds how to throw all his toys out of the pram and run home when he can't get his way.

This. Plus I'd be concerned at my son's over dramatic reaction.

I'm sorry, this is bullshit. He is confident. He repeatedly responded to points she made and tried to engage with her, by picking up on what she had said, not just saying stuff he wanted to say. I'd actually say he is quite advanced in terms of communication, and school concurs. He does enjoy talking to adults too, which is partly why I sympathised with the girl and responded to her.

There is a world of difference between allowing a child to get bored now and again and not making yourself a play leader 24/7, and just dumping them in an empty playground and expecting them to 'play' while congratulating yourself on their independence.

But she doesn't have to give it?

how is this crap parenting?!

I think you’re just annoyed at the parents that you couldn’t think of a way to tell her to go away. Just have some comments to create some space next time as it will happen again. Just something like. Ooh I think it’s time for you to go back to your family now will work or We’re going off to play now, why don’t you go back to your mummy. Kids can be annoying sometimes.

I’m with you OP. Other people’s kids can be a pain in the arse. You don’t take your child out to spend the whole time entertaining some other kid who’s parents can’t be bothered.

Agree with @vibratosprigato OPs son had a normal 5 year old reaction! Little chatterbox is just a normal kid at the park.

People are so intolerant of kids being kids these days. Getting pissed at an actual 5 year old for talking is just so mean! (not talking about OP who was kind to the little girl) 5 year olds chat to me all the time at the park even when sometimes I have expressly come to the park to get 5 mins peace from my own little annoyances who are playing nicely for 5 minutes by themselves, thank you god, but you know what, we chat anyway because being nice to small children who are not your own is part of being a decent human. Likewise, politely letting them know you’re busy is fine too. It’s all part of growing up in the world!

Likewise little boy having a meltdown because other little person is hogging his mum is
ls totally normal.

Leave them kids alone!

Ooh are we supposed to play with our children in the playground?

Maybe if you’d have let him be a bit more independent in the playground they would have found each other to talk to/play together. And he would be a bit more resilient. He can’t cry just because some random girl is ignoring him and talking to his Mum instead.

He wasn't entitled to her attention though. This will happen again. Will he howl each time someone ignores him?

Maybe walk away from them next time and they'll start playing together. Or find a kind version of 'go away now' to get rid of unwanted attention, so you can play with your son.

There is a world of difference between allowing a child to get bored now and again and not making yourself a play leader 24/7, and just dumping them in an empty playground and expecting them to 'play' while congratulating yourself on their independence.

I must have missed your post where you followed the family for 24 hours to ascertain how much time they spent interacting with their child. And then conducted an interview where they told you that they congratulated themselves. Do forgive me.

Maybe they interacted with her all day and wanted some down time, or thought it would be good for her to play independently for a bit? I'd assume another parent would send my child on their way if they didn't want them around.

I think it was on you to tell the girl to go and play. You can ask for space kindly and be firmer if she doesn't get the message (still nicely). The girl obviously has to learn some social manners about inclusion (you could have pointed out ds was trying to talk to her too) but consider it a learning experience for your son too. Good chance to learn not to take it personally if someone else isn't behaving nicely.