To think this was crappy parenting?

[Liesmorelies]

This irritated me at the time and is playing on my mind now...

I took ds (5) to the park earlier with his younger brother. When we got to the play area it was empty apart from a girl around the same age as ds whose parents (presumably) were sitting on benches outside the play area, able to see her but not to hear anything unless it was shouting.

As soon as the dc and I entered the girl made a beeline for us, not surprisingly. She did the usual 5 year old thing of talking 'at' me, which was obviously fine. She was telling me about her school, her teacher etc etc. The problem was, ds kept trying to engage with her and was responding with details about his school and so on. Ds is a talker anyway and needs persuading to stop chewing my ear off and go on the slide! However, the girl was totally blanking ds and kept directing all her comments to me. I was replying but also trying to involve ds? 'That sounds good, ds likes that book too ....' only because he wanted to join in. The girl was resolutely ignoring him.

It went on like that for a little while and then suddenly ds just started howling and buried his face in my skirt, like a child in a story. He's not a big crier at all and has never done the burying his face thing before. I was completely taken aback. Of course we left, and as we crossed the playground, I saw the girl's adults staring at us and shaking their heads and as we passed them one of them said, 'oh dear.' I was pretty pissed off at that point. Their child was bored and lonely and needed some adult interaction and they were just sat there and then said 'oh dear' about my child! So I said, not particularly loudly, 'you might want to try interacting with your child...' No idea if they heard me though.

AIBU to think that their parenting was pretty shit?

I hope they didn’t hear you because what you said was ridiculously rude. And passive aggressive .

You really aren't getting it. It is perfectly normal to allow children independent play in a playground. It is literally required for children to actually play in the true sense of the theory of play.

Parents don't go to playgrounds to play with their children. We do that outside of what ideally should be a children only zone.

I'm bemused by the OP's fixation on the playground being empty. I don't think she realises that the idea is for children to play with the equipment, not randoms.

Op I’m with you on this.

So many parents abdicate responsibility for looking after their dc bc they want some down time to drink their coffee or chat with friends at soft play, the park playground, or in coffee shops and restaurants. But they don’t give a crap about another parent’s time being monopolised by their dc!

When Ds was 4 he used to insist on going into our local playground even when it was empty, quickly get bored and ask to go home. He only really liked it when it was busy and had other kids to play with. However, no amount of forewarning him about it worked. I used to agree to take him and let him play for a bit by himself till he indeed got bored - no amount of me entertaining him wotked because he wanted other people to hang out with. So I would probably have been that parent. However, this wasn't me being neglectful. It was me doing what my child wanted to do....

So using a play ground in a child development appropriate way is now abdication of responsibility 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I suggest you and op go read up on the theory of play.

Other children can only monopolise your time, if you allow them too. They are young enough to be distracted, and told to go, and play.

Yes well maybe some of us don’t feel comfortable ignoring a child who is already being ignored by their family.

Edited to add:
And btw this is exactly the attitude I detest; putting the fault on the obliging stranger and not the parents of the child who should be taking responsibility for their own offspring.

It’s perfectly simple: apart from brief spontaneous interactions, don’t let your child monopolise the time of another parent without checking in.

Do we have to be "great" all the time? Can't we just have an hour here or there, where we sit on a bench and chat with our husband who we probably barely get any time with around work/childcare/caring for elderly parents etc. whilst our 5 year old has the run of a playground? And you think other people are the smug ones...

You can if your child is happy to run off and play happily with a bunch of other five year olds they have never met before, or if they are with other children known to them who are supervising, like older siblings.

But not if your five year olds needs the reassurance and attention of another adult in the playground, who may also wish they could sit chatting to their dh, or may also be tired from looking after elderly parents, but nonetheless is still paying attention to their own child.

It’s not necessary to follow your dc around the apparatus, but to be aware of what’s going on and who their child is interacting with. That’s surely a basic necessity for safety anyway’?

They could see the child so she was fine 🤷‍♀️ I expect adults to step away if they want honestly the fuss over nothing.

Child in playground, other child arrived, and if they had have been left to play would probably have been fine.

I don’t think they were that bad, sounds like your DS’s reaction was odd. Did you really need to leave the park?

Well the child involved clearly hadn't got that memo.

I do hope this isn't a pop at only kids having crap social skills (not saying it is).I have an only and no way my daughter would do this to another adult. She has me to play with and always makes friends on the park.
If another kid came up to me and started telling me things I'd just think she was cute and chat to her for a bit.
Yes the parents sound a little lazy but you have no idea what is going on there.
And the oh dear might have been meant sympathetically...

She's a child. What's your excuse?

I absolutely agree with this and I'm honestly a bit baffled at how many people are willfully editing the narrative here despite op explaining many times.

This girl was not playing independently, she was not running around, she was not content. Otherwise she wouldn't have been monopolising the op's attention.

Op tried to get the child involved with her DS so they would hopefully go and play, then she could just attend to her younger child while the older 2 played. But it wasn't happening.

It was a small playground in an empty park. So no option to distract her or move a bit further away.

But apparently it was Her responsibility to manage this child/to be stern or whatever. Not her actual parents. Because... Reasons?

Em, they are a young child .. honestly op you really are scraping the barrel now. Trying to shame a child for being a child 🤣🤣🤣

Nobody expected her to do that. They expected her to leave her child in the playground and retreat like 99% of typical parents!

She couldn't leave the playground though because she has a two year old who needs watching, she's already explained that?

So she brings the two year old away from the other children. Honestly the poster just sounds bitter.

I think your comment to them was uncalled for and quite mean. Letting a 5 year old play independently (provided they are supervised and safe) is completely fine- healthy even. It’s also fine for kids to be a bit bored sometimes. Of course that doesn’t mean you ignore them all the time, encouraging independent play is just one part of good parenting, but these parents could have been playing at home with her all morning and needed a break. (Or maybe they weren’t-but you’ve no idea from this very brief interaction!).

If you’d said something like that to me, there are times I’d have shrugged it off, but times when I was feeling a bit low and struggling, I’d have felt awful. You could have encouraged your DS and the little girl to play together, or just answered with ‘mmms’ and focused on your own kids. When DS cried you could have told him - it’s ok, why don’t you and me play X? (And later talked to him about how some kids will talk to him and some won’t and how to manage that). As you were leaving you could have said ‘bye, she’s a sweetheart!’ Or just said nothing at all. Life doesn’t need to be this confrontational!

You think the little girl’s parents were in the wrong for giving her the space to play on her own? And for saying “oh, dear” when they saw your son was upset? That sounds like a kind and sympathetic response. And you think your only option was to leave the park because you “strongly felt” that the child would continue trying to talk to you? 🤔

Helicopter parents may feel they are superior to others, but they are actually doing their children no favours whatsoever. It’s important for children of your son’s age to engage in independent play. He also needs to discover that not all children will want to interact with him. He isn’t entitled to another child’s attention simply because that’s what he wants. It’s surprising that he would react so negatively to a child who was more interested in talking to a new and interesting adult. I would have encouraged him to play on his own or with his little brother if the girl wasn’t inclined to join in. (Of course, you weren’t obliged to continue chatting with her either, though it was kind of you to do so for a bit.) Childhood is all about these little moments, learning to navigate the social world. Stepping back and letting children work out how to cope is often the best approach. They can learn so much more about communication and interaction than they ever would by just abandoning the situation entirely. Leaving the park sounds like an overreaction.

Ok I'm sorry to keep this on, but honestly I feel like I'm reading a different thread...

The playground was small in an otherwise empty park. Op has clearly stated this and that any attempt to move around said small playground was simply met by this child following her. Not interacting with her son, not playing on equipment, not running around, not contentedly bored or whatever. Following her around an otherwise empty, small playground that she couldn't leave because of her 2 year old.

So again, I just can't understand why it's entirely on the op to manage this situation and not also partly on the other child's Actual Parents?? Why not just call over or go check in or literally anything, when your kid is clearly bored and (through no fault of her own really as she's a little kid and they all have their ways) disrupting another adult trying to watch her small toddler?

Again, op tried getting the older kids to play so she could just attend to her younger child (as she's done in other situations according to her updates) but this was not happening. She could not leave the playground because of her younger child. The playground was small and the girl just followed her around as they moved around.

So yes I do think her actual parents should have stepped in at some point. It's really not much to expect.

Where are you getting all this information that the op kept moving away from the girl and the girl kept following ? Because that’s not what op said at all. She said she left . She ASSUMED the girl would follow her if she had to try moving . She now wishes she tried a different tactic instead of storming off and making a snide remark to the parents .

Yeah, I didn't storm off either @Tourmalines .

Helicopter parents may feel they are superior to others, but they are actually doing their children no favours whatsoever.

I don't know how many times I have said, I am not a helicopter parent. I was in the small playground because of my two year old. I don't make a habit of following my 5 year old around but The. Girl. Approached. Us. Ds2 was climbing on the house/slide thing so I couldn't leave it at that point. Had I moved away, I'm sure she would have followed as she came straight to us when we arrived and clearly wanted to talk to an adult.

Em, they are a young child .. honestly op you really are scraping the barrel now. Trying to shame a child for being a child 🤣🤣🤣

Right from the start I have said I don't blame the girl at all. The memo comment was responding to someone who seemed to think I had somehow prevented the girl from playing on the equipment by insisting on interacting with her, when obviously she had no interest in the play equipment and wanted adult interaction which she sought out herself. However, when it comes to shaming a child plenty on this thread have gone for my ds calling him odd, dramatic, throwing a tantrum because he couldn't get what he wanted, having poor social skills....