To find this off-putting - literacy

[StrawberryDream24]

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

I know what you mean; when I see bigoted, extreme Facebook or YouTube comments, they are almost always expressed in an unpunctuated, misspelled "discharge" of words.

I know it's not straightforward but why do you think he hasn't done anything to improve his literacy?

Were there absolutely no adult literacy classes available to him or did he just not want to, for whatever reasons?

Why is it horrendous? It's perfectly fine not to want to have a relationship with someone with dyslexia, I certainly wouldn't. But I wouldn't want a relationship with someone with tattoos, or who didn't have a degree, or with one leg either. It's simply personal preference, which is all absolutely fine, you can't dictate that everyone should think every other person is worthy of having a relationship with.

Hmm... I guess it depends if it's in the longer term you see a future, and in that future, being left to do all the admin. I have ended up in that role, and over the years, it has occasionally been an issue. If anything happened to me, DH would be stuffed. He isn't literate enough to deal with forms, documents, etc. He reads OK but slowly, but that's it, add no computer literacy to the mix, and he wouldn't cope. He can't send a text or find how to read them so your guy is one rung further up.
DH was brought up in the 'care' system in the 50s/60s. He was shoved to the back of the classroom with colouring until he left school.

I don't know how adult literacy classes are approached now but years ago DH went to some at the local college, they gave him childrens books. He felt humiliated and refused to engage again.

I think this is the wrong way round. I’ve found that thick, unkind bigots often have poor literacy skills. Which isn’t the same as saying that people with poor literacy skills are often thick, unkind bigots.

If he was articulate, kind & pleasant in real life the spelling in text messages would not bother me one jot!

Ah, that's shit.

I really hope there are materials for adults now.

(Though I have to say I cracked learning the Japanese syllabaries with kids books.
They'd been given to me by my Nigerian neighbour whose Japanese ex girlfriend had given them to him (he still didn't take to Japanese or Japan and left for Canada after a while). I really appreciated her idea when they cracked it for me.
I can understand how different it is when it's your own language though).

He seems to be computer illiterate too.
Just uses a phone for calls and messages.

(What a fucking disgrace re. your husband's upbringing/education).

Think it was the old style Jane and Peter books..it wasn't even more modern than that. For a man in his 30s ..

Yes, you are being unreasonable.

Ridiculous.

(I'm not familiar with those books incidentally, I had to Google them. I don't remember them being used at my school).

Wow! It really isn't perfectly fine. It's bigoted.

What are the qualities you like about him?

You are not unreasonable.

I wouldn't go out with anyone who couldn't read and write to a decent standard.

Everyone likes different things 🤷‍♀️

None of us can guess why this person is illiterate from the description given here.

Even emotionally intelligent people feel shame and anger. Illiteracy issues have usually been a problem since childhood or a catastrophic event like a brain injury. This brings up a range of deeply complex emotions, some are never fully dealt with.

We will never know his reasons, he is not here to answer for himself. I just put forward my opinion as much as anyone else here has done.

She is highly triggered because she hung her hat on haranguing me for finding his lack of literacy funny ...... Which resulted in me pointing out the total lack of reading comprehension behind that.
(Because I'd said absolutely nothing about finding his lack of literacy funny, only that I found being talked to by him in an exasperated & patronising manner due to my trouble interpreting his misspelled messages; "almost funny, and not in a good way" (meaning e.g. farcical).

Pointing that out has led to this ongoing nonsense to try to point score.

That person's OP post didn't mention racism.
They were offensive and classist.

My fil struggles with literacy. He is also a kind, gentle, intelligent man who I hugely admire. He hasn't "taken steps to improve himself" because (a) he had a family he wanted to spend that time with, (b) shame, (c) effective work arounds... lots of all the very obvious reasons.

Many people are crap at some "life skill" (literacy/numeracy/diy/cooking/care/swimming/exercise/ work life balance/etc) but find a way to deal with it. Of course if it renders him unattractive to you then get rid. He also sounds like an arsenal, wanging on about his business acumen!!

*"almost funny, and not in a good way"

Sorry, to be very precise, I wrote "almost made me laugh, and not in a good way".

In any case it referred entirely to being spoken to like an obtuse child, due to your trouble interpreting a message full of words that bear little resemblance to words in the English language.

wanging on about

I love this expression lol

This is madness. It’s perfectly fine not to have a relationship with anyone for ANY reason. To say otherwise is insanity.

YANBU, OP. It seems to me the height of bad manners not to bother to try to make what you write reasonably clear and comprehensible; when you write so poorly that other people have to struggle to make out what you are saying, you are in effect saying "Fuck you, my time is more important than yours, so just work it out". It doesn't really happen with people who are dyslexic, because they avoid communicating in writing anyway.

It doesn't really happen with people who are dyslexic, because they avoid communicating in writing anyway.

Is this a serious post?

Ha, my dyslexic DH hates talking on the phone more than anything. Much prefers written texts/ messages.