To find this off-putting - literacy

[StrawberryDream24]

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

I don't know why you posted really

Then you don't understand the purpose/s of Aibu.

Which begs the question why you read and post on it.

Some of the things that always annoyed my seriously academically bright brother involved my ability to see an object in my mind and turn it over, and wander through a landscape in my mind and know where things were or ought to be.

He couldn't understand how I did it and, as I didn't know it was a difference in thinking, I couldn't understand why a man as intelligent as him couldn't.

The other thing was visual thinking, I can happily go for days not thinking a word, just nothingness or images. He had a constant inner monologue which would have driven me spare. 😆

You need to get him to start dictating his messages. My written English is shite so I use Siri.

Uugh, so envious.

Thank.goodness for SketchUp.

Thanks, and likewise!

Can we have some examples of the messages please

Sorry, I'd rather not post someone's messages (or even part of them) on the internet.

There are just lots of misspelled words - often spelled like you might say/hear them - and a lack of prepositions; which makes messages difficult to understand.

I've tried saying the words out loud rather than reading them, as such, to try to get what they are. (I try to work them out from context too, obviously).

I'm not British, English is not my first language, so I'm obviously very far from perfect. Yet all the dosen't, would/should/could of, chest of draws (I've seen 'chester of draws' a few times), there/their/they're, then/than, affect/effect, brought/bought and suchlike drive me potty. I suspect it would give me the ick in the long term.

Yes, exactly my point. Apparently some people have chosen not to read my update saying I worded it the wrong way round (I was multitasking at the time), but that's their problem. I certainly don't believe most people who lack literacy skills are bigots, because then I'd be lumping my Dad in with them, when id just mentioned he was lovely 🙄

Honestly, some people on here lack inference skills and are so quick to be accusatory. Apparently I'm offensive, sexist and classist too. Hilarious, as if they knew me in real-life, I'm the complete opposite.

I stand by that racists are often thick, and can't use their own, singular language correctly, which is amusing really, considering the people they are usually slating are multilingual.

I responded to one comment. I didn’t go searching for every other comment you or the person you were talking to had made to see if you’d corrected yourself. It’s unlikely anyone else did, either. And if you’re referring to your deleted original comment, it was gone by the time I responded and I don’t have the power of time travel, so I’ve no idea what that said.

I don’t think the issue here is everyone else’s reading comprehension, tbh. Your attitude is deeply unpleasant.

This would bother me a bit initially, then a lot after a while. I'd move on if I were you.

It would be off-putting to me. How I spend my time, my interests and lifestyle require a good level of literacy. Someone who is not a great reader isn't going to discuss novels with me or read interesting publications, or watch subtitled films. I also find spelling and grammar mistakes annoying so it would grate on me. I'm sure there are plenty of people out there for whom it isn't an issue but someone like this wouldn't suit me.

Spelling issues I can get used to but if someone is so illiterate that they are not able to read, that would be a non starter for me. I am a bookworm and enjoy a good discussion so if someone is only consuming visual media, we probably won't have very much to talk about.

Sorry I'm only seeing this now.

His only qualification is a trade course (for which he has not completed the experience/"time served" part).

He did that course relatively recently (in his 40s).

Tbh I'm starting to wonder how he even did the (presumably) minimal writing parts of the course.

In a past conversation he implied he didn't care about school and when there were exams, he would say to his classmates jovially "what's the exam (subject) today, lads?"

His family has two educators in it, incidentally.

I don't know if I could gently approach it with him. His reaction to me now understanding his message makes me think not.

Everyone else? The two people who had an issue, you mean?

If I'm standing up for someone with literacy problems in one breath, pointing out that it could be due to childhood trauma etc, I'm hardly going to go on to say that I think everyone who can't spell is a racist, am I? Goodness me.

Yes, of course I am deeply unpleasant for daring to suggest that racists are thick. I'm sorry you feel that way, but I don't tend to like racists.

As an aside, I've also started to notice him repeating the same anecdotes.

They were obviously all new at the start of the relationship, but are now being repeated more than once.
I've been saying politely "ah yeah, I remember you telling me that" but it doesn't seem to stop him repeating the same anecdotes.

That would annoy me more than the spelling! It's so annoying when someone repeats stories all the time. Oh, and when someone says random people's names in those stories instead of who they are to the person, as if you're supposed to magically know these strangers. Just say, "my neighbour". I don't fucking know who Kevin is.

Oh no, OP. Literacy is the least of your worries. I am sure there are many lovely blokes who have “no interest in education” but are happy-go-lucky and good with their hands. But, unless you are of a similar view and background, it’s very difficult to make a relationship work. You are already running out of things to talk about and it’s still early days. Let him go kindly.

‘Everyone else’ being whoever you where talking about when you asked if ‘no one on here’ could read. If that was two people, then yes, two people.

And, again, I replied to a comment - it’s still there. I have no idea who you were initially standing up for or what you may have said about childhood trauma because your initial comment was deleted.

I don’t think you’re deeply unpleasant because you said racists are thick (I said the exact same thing). I think you’re deeply unpleasant because you were and continue to be rude to me for no reason whatsoever.

It would be a deal breaker for me because reading and books are a big passion of mine so if he’s not literate we couldn’t connect over that. I also hate calls and much prefer messaging if I’m not with someone, so that would also mean I had to call it quits.

To be honest they don’t deserve a nice man if his only ‘fault’ is a bad grasp of written grammar and spelling. Let him have someone less judgemental.

So you’d only go for someone who reads books?

Not who you asked, but I have only ever dated (and eventually married) people who read books. Not just books, actually. Literary fiction, decent non-fiction, some philosophy.

It’s not the sole characteristic I looked for, but it was definitely in the top 10.

Yep. Well not if it’s all sports biographies. Books are not all made equal.