To find this off-putting - literacy

[StrawberryDream24]

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

It’s not about character, it’s about shared interests.

Or indeed having any.

Quite

It’s ok to not want to date a dyslexic person 🫤, it’s just a preference like my granny who told me to never date a paraplegic or a blind man. Doctor or lawyer is what she advised because they work so much they’d never be home and underfoot plus I’d never want for money💰

You've lost me.

I didn't say dyslexia is a choice or the result of laziness.

(And I don't even know if this man is dyslexic to begin with).

What I was saying is that the argument that he could have a skill that I don't have; doesn't really work... because there are life skills considered to be basic/essential in the 21st century, and one of them is (basic) literacy.
(People who are dyslexic could e.g. seek help and use workarounds to achieve basic literacy).

Having other skills doesn't negate the need to have basic/essential life skills like literacy.

That's all I was saying (in response to that poster).....so I don't understand your comments about dyslexia.

Posters on this thread just show the reasons why so many women end up In shit relationships because they are focused on the completely wrong things.

What, like not being patronised and spoken to in an exasperated manner by a man; because you can't understand the texts he writes, because they are illegible?

You are not unreasonable to find anything off putting. If it puts you off, it puts you off.

Posters on this thread just show the reasons why so many women end up In shit relationships because they are focused on the completely wrong things.

You're making the mistake of thinking people can't consider lots of differents priorities when choosing a partner. Personally I'd rather be single than be with a partner who did not tick both all my required boxes for personality/being a good person and the boxes for sharing certain interests and priorities with me.

I seriously doubt that, statistically, the women who do prioritise compatibility of interests (which you may consider trivial) and lifestyles are more likely to be the ones who are very un-choosy about other personal qualities in their partners.

Just a follow up - in a sort of follow-on conversation, I tried to suggest politely that he possibly suffers from undiagnosed dyslexia . He said nothing at the time but didn't look pleased.
He had since expressed outrage (maybe too strong a word but verging on it) at the suggestion. He basically said "calling me/saying I'm dyslexic!!" as though it was offensive & ridiculous.

I think it's either deal with his communication (or work around it) or don't. He doesn't appear open to acknowledging he has any issue; let alone tackling it.

Honestly, OP, just throw this one back. His literacy (or the lack thereof) isn’t even the major sticking point. His allegedly good points are truly bare minimum, and his attitude is awful.

He’s a twat.

To quote Jack Sparrow from pirates of the Caribbean

"The problem is not the problem, the problem is your (or his) attitude to the problem. "

He has literacy issues. He is very defensive about being asked about these.He has a big problem when you ask if he has a diagnosed condition -dyslexia.
Sayanora

I do agree having literacy issues had nothing to do with intelligence or worth as a person. I think when it comes to dating it would be the same as not wanting to date a short man? Would anyone be offended by that?

Are you still seeing this man? I'd get rid of him asap, not only because of his lack of literacy but he also seems to have such a bad attitude in general. He really does sound like a total loser.

Would people find it offensive if the OP found it offputting to be with an obese person? How is this different? Both eating issues and illiteracy can be linked to adverse life circumstances, trauma, disability, why is one ok to find unattractive and not the other?

They're both unattractive to me tbh.

You can be put off by whatever you want to be put off by.

It would be a deal breaker for me too. Men who can write well is a specific thing I find attractive.

FWIW it would be a dealbreaker for me too, OP, but really it doesn't matter what anyone else would do - you can end a relationship at any point you want, and for whatever reason you want

Especially when it involves someone who's already getting irritable with you at this early stage

Same. I think we should be allowed to be with who we want.

Of course we should.
I just can't understand all these silly posters who keep saying it's discriminatory or prejudiced to not want to have a relationship with someone who is illiterate, fat, poor etc etc.
People must be free to choose and can find any aspect whatsoever of another person unattractive.
The posters who go on about prejudice presumably want to live in a world where people are forced into relationships with people they don't find attractive.
Because that's the logical conclusion of saying you shouldn't find particular traits unattractive.

It's different because (again) she isn't put off by the fact his messages are illegible or he's illiterate its how he reacts when she points it out and she can't communicate with him via messages.