To find this off-putting - literacy

[StrawberryDream24]

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

This is not about being reasonable or unreasonable.
It would be unreasonable to refuse to chat politely with him at a party or to serve him in a shop because of his problems with the written word, but nobody is obliged to go out with anyone if they don't want to. You don't have to justify your reasons.
But you might be missing out if he's a lovely guy who would otherwise suit you.

If dyslexia no wouldn't put me off

God, no.

You need to be on a level.

This would be an instant no from me.

The way he "explained" his message is even more off-putting than his problems with the written word.

It's sounds like you're not compatible.

If you read my posts, you would see that I said I found him mansplaining his garbled, misspelled message to me "funny and not in a good way".

Not his literacy issues.

I do not find his literacy issues funny and never once said I did.

And by "almost funny and not in a good way" I meant ironic/farcical.

But reading and understanding someone's posts wouldn't afford you the opportunity to manufacture outrage and give someone a telling off, would it?

So I can see why you don't want to read or understand someone's posts.

OP, could you really not understand his misspelled message or were you choosing not to?

I couldn't be with someone who misuses words such as 'mansplaining'

It's not misused.

I was there, I was the recipient, I know exactly what he said and how he said it.

It was mansplaining.

OP you've found yourself in the midst of a self-righteous pile-on by posters who would never countenance dating this person IRL.
Most educated women wouldn't date a man who is barely literate. If it bothers him he could take any of the billions of free classes up and down the country at any adult education centre and upskill himself. It was very clear from your OP that this is beyond dyslexia/the occasional typo.

No.

You often have to read his messages like you're reading an Irvine Welsh novel to grasp what the words are.

But thanks for another accusation.

@StrawberryDream24 I actually read facebook and must admit I sometimes have great difficulty understanding what people are writing!! the word "finna" absolutely perplexes me! no idea what they are trying to say at all! if someone on here knows, can they please tell me?

Do him a favour and kindly finish seeing him.
if you find it funny that he has problem with literacy, then what else will you find funny?

And no, you can’t say you would find it hilarious if the shoe was on the other foot, because you haven’t lived that experience. The day in, day out of struggling with what others find easy. Other people laughing at you since childhood. People calling you thick, and all the other things people with literacy problems get labelled with. It would chip away at you everyday, and to have someone you’re seeing, who you are trying to open up to with a potential relationship, laugh about one of your biggest insecurities, is soul destroying.
How do I know? Because I see the battle my 25 year old autistic, severely dyslexic daughter goes through everyday, and it breaks my heart to know people laugh at her because of something she can’t possibly help.

Take a look at how this post has come across.

No, you can’t help how you feel, but be kinder with it.

You're right.

Typical Aibu

I forgot that for Aibu to be useful you have to just ignore the usual suspect posters.

I wouldn’t be bothered by bad spelling and grammar (my ex is a ‘high flyer’ yet his written word is terrible). I would be put off by bad speech though.

All sorts of things can put you off a person, it doesn't have to be rational. So YANBU to find both his literacy issues and the mansplaining phonecalls reasons to not fancy him.

I had a friend who dropped a prospective date because he wrote "could of" rather than "could have" and I didn't blame her. Another bailed because the profile pic was cleanshaven but he'd since grown a beard and she hates those.

It's perfectly OK to have preferences.

You didn't mention mansplaining at all?

Plus he wasn't mansplaining anyway 🤷‍♂️

You're within your rights to be put off about anything in a relationship, but you do come across as quite sneery about his poor literacy.

So if someone with a speech impediment got frustrated that you didn't understand them, would you find the funny too?

Your written communication skills are not totally great either

Your original post only talked only about literacy issues which you have now changed to mansplaining issues

This feels like you either did a very poor first post ( the irony ) or you are backpedaling a little

You can go off anyone for any reason but simple literacy difficulties seems a minor problem in an otherwise attractive, nice, good, intelligent man

@Tunnocksmallow

You have got completely and utterly the wrong end of the stick.

I have already answered a poster who has accused me of finding literacy issues "funny", at length.

I DO NOT FIND HIS LITERACY PROBLEMS FUNNY. I NEVER SAID I DID.

I'm not repeating this ad nauseum because of the Chinese whispers nature of this forum.

I posted two "op" posts.

The second issue was outlined in the second post.

So many judgemental people on this thread.

People saying this would be a deal breaker are completely ridiculous.

You’re saying you would pass up a man who is potentially genuine, kind, loving, faithful and an endless list of good qualities because he has a hard time spelling is literally insane.

There are a dozen reasons why he may struggle with spelling. He could have had an awful childhood and didn’t attend school often, he may have undiagnosed issues that haven’t been addressed and that he’s deeply ashamed of tackling.

Posters on this thread just show the reasons why so many women end up In shit relationships because they are focused on the completely wrong things.

My DH is dyslexic but still comes across as literate and articulate, because he works at it and values the written word.

Not being able to communicate via text to the extent that you can't tell what he's on about would put me off from day 1 tbh. It's demanding that you try and decipher what he means rather than putting in the effort to explain. Yes, I know that can be hard for people, that's why it requires effort.

Well but you think he is ibtuse?

Look: I wouldn’t like it if my partner were bored with me, or lacked curiosity, or wasn’t very bright. This man isn’t clearly a problem from that point of view. He sounds like he has an unrecognized and untreated processing disorder and may struggle with literacy and communication via text (both giving and receiving). But if he met my other conditions for curiosity, cleverness, and caring it wouldn’t put me off him.

I think it’s quite a personal thing OP, this will be a problem for some people but not others, so it’s up to how you feel about it!

Yes it would bother me. I think people tend to gravitate towards people of similar intellect and education.

When I started seeing my now DH, his friend told me he had dumped his previous girlfriend because she’d used the wrong spelling of ‘there’.

Nowadays, with autocorrect etc, I would be a bit more forgiving. And consider whether dyslexia is an issue. However, I couldn’t be with someone illiterate.