To find this off-putting - literacy

[StrawberryDream24]

Started seeing a man (he's mid 40s). Having met him through a sports club (unlike OLD) there was no messaging, other than brief texts, before we started dating.

It's increasingly becoming clear that he has literacy issues

He has not worked in roles that demanded good literacy.

He seems to prefer calling, I'm starting to think the literacy is the main reason why.

Aibu to find this off putting?

Would many people feel the same way?

Wierd.

Gammer

You don’t even know that she edited due to errors on all of the posts - maybe she added a sentence or edited the wording? It’s a bit bizarre that you counted all of the OP’s posts and then counted how many were edited in an attempt to “catch out” the OP.

Ok, thanks for clarifying. I do get what you mean.
That is more of a red flag but I guess he could be defensive if this is an issue he is sensitive about.

But essentially do you think he is not very clever?
Or do you think he just has an issue with being literate eg. dyslexia?

I think most people, me included, prefer to date/have a relationship with people who are of the same intellect or similar. So if it is that you just think you are mismatched on this, that is fair enough.

I don't know.

He waxes lyrical about his shrewdness and business acumen (particularly in contrast to his sister & bil); but I increasingly feel like he's overcompensating; because he's got literacy issues.

He's starting to give me "university of life" type vibes.

Knowing several people, including my own father, who were completely illiterate I think you have every right to be put off...but if I can get you to think of something.

When my father died I received about 100 sympathy cards. With people telling of the good things he'd done. How they knew they only had food on the table because dad had given their mum credit.

One card had a blank envelope, inside scrawled in childish uneven letters it said "To young Toad, from xxxx" that man put aside any embarrassment, any pride and showed his lack of education because he felt it important to pass on his condolences.

This chap is texting you like you want. He knows he has issues but is putting himself out there for you

I edit a lot of my posts often because I post too quick and want to say something else or damn predictive text decides I want to post a totally different word - even on this post it changed damn to Danny 🤣

I found the same on OLD.

I found it a turn off.

I'm discovering this about him after quite a few dates (because we met in person).

When it comes to dating, you can be put off by whatever you want. It doesn't have to be rational and nor do others have to agree with you. If it bothers you now, it won't improve over time, so I would move on. I would also be bothered by it.

Lol.

My autocorrect is bizarre.

I'm also generally typing fast, while putting peanut butter on something, while answering a WhatsApp, while wiping the worktop (cause of the peanut butter), while having a conversation etc.

So he is boastful and insecure - he's sounding less and less appealing, no matter what lies behind his garbled texts.

I’d run a mile to be honest. Bad spelling is such a turn off.

I'd find this very off-putting indeed.
No thank you.

If he's not needed high literacy in his profession then it could be he's dyslexic or other mild learning issue that's undiagnosed. He could've been kind of masking it for many years.
If he seems intelligent emotionally, practically etc. the things he says are measured, considered, interesting, witty, insightful? Then being amazing at spelling and grammar etc wouldn't bother me a huge amount.
I certainly wouldn't raise it with him as some people feel deep shame about their lack of literacy. It often does effect men aged 40 plus as the state school system wasn't well equipped for even mild SEN back in the day.
If that's the only negative about him then I'd say it's not an issue.

Hmmm
He is sounding less and less appealing tbh.

You're allowed to be put off by anything in someone you are dating. And the things you find mildly irritating early on are likely to become infuriating later. It wouldn't be right to be unkind towards him because of it, but if it makes you fancy him less then that can't be helped.

Could this be happening to him too?

Hi there.

I've found that the general standard of literacy in this country has dropped to a very low level over the years.

Even teachers can't seem to construct sentences accurately (or spell).

My DH and I were together for about six weeks when I realised that he was dyslexic. It hadn't been picked up during his school years.

This may be the problem with your new beau - or possibly, he's just part of the generation of people who simply weren't taught about syntax, grammar and spelling.

Having said that, if this man has other sterling qualities, I'd be tempted to overlook this failing.

Do your political views coincide? What about worldview in general? Women's rights?

Does he make you laugh? Is he kind and generous?

What is he like in bed, if you've got that far?

I couldn't tolerate it.

I grew up with only semi-literate parents. I taught my mum to read when I was 11 or 12. I’ve taught literacy in prisons as a volunteer

You sound like a pretty amazing person @Mattins

It would put me off, I'm afraid. Sorry lovely man.

You're getting an unnecessarily hard time here. I think plenty of the highly literate posters on here wouldn't actually want to date/ have a relationship with someone who can barely read or write. Maybe he is dyslexic; maybe he had a poor education, but I'd struggle with the lack of self awareness and lack of drive to improve himself. Literacy isn't everything, and I'm sure he's good at other things, but it would put me off. I work in a field where literacy skills and precise language are incredibly important. I also have an unusually strong passion for word play, word games, puns, funny signs, poetry and so on. Because of that, I'd find it hard to be with someone who was unable to find joy in the things I love. I would be equally annoyed by the mansplaining. There's never any need to be patronising!

What a foolish thing to say. Editing is part of literacy. The fact that someone edits their post, or even makes a typo, is not a sign of illiteracy.

I work as a content writer so consider my literacy and grammar to be above average. In the past I wouldn’t have dated someone without the basics but… My DP speaks English as a second language, not an issue, he speaks it perfectly and I’m constantly surprised by some of the words he knows. His first language uses a totally different alphabet and whilst he can read English his writing skills aren’t great. When texting he’ll often get Siri to write it for him (which comes with some interesting interpretations due to his accent!). We’ve been together 4 years because he is cute, funny, caring and incredibly intelligent, I love some of the conversations we have. You need to decide whether you can see beyond the spelling, sometimes it’s worth it

I appreciate your post but English is this man's first and only language.

I never cease to be amazed by the skills of English as a second language speakers (especially given English is not an "easy" language, its' mash-up of Germanic, French and Latin roots etc make it very quirky); who could fault your partner for not writing well in English? His achievement in leaning to speak a second language fluently is already very impressive.

I feel this is a very different scenario.

He could be. My son is. I’d hate for him to meet someone like OP.