Inheritance dispute with husband

[icantwaitforsummer]

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month. We have a mortgage and DC.

I had 2 family members die suddenly this year. Shit year, still processing it all.

One left me a small flat, just got a tenant in there and rental income will be about £300 a month after taxes fees etc. Hoping to keep it for 15 years and then give it to DC.

My mum died and left me a share of her house, (shared with siblings) so will be about 80k

I was hoping to put the £300 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and then in 10 years go part time/partially retired.

The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage.

But he also thinks the £300 a month should pay off more of our mortgage in overpayments or go into the joint account each month and reduce his contributions.

AIBU in thinking if I keep a little bit for me is ok? And he could save more of his extra income or make mortgage overpayments but he has absolutely no interest in doing that.

Can I just say you don't have to decide right now. You can put it all into a high interest account and think about it for a few months, or even longer. I don't like his 'logic' though that he works more than you and therefore deserves more fun money. It sounds like you do more for the children and family which should be seen as just as valuable. I out-earned DH for a couple of years, have generally earned less than him but brought more to the marriage in savings and inheritance. I'm not working at all right now. We've always had equal 'fun money' and valued each other's different contributions.

Why are you asking this question? The money is yours not his. End of.

So he gets to keep his own money, still
cash in on your own £80k inheritance, and still wants more?

Tell him to fuck off

Well, this frankly.

Couldn't say it any better!

Reading the rest of your updates... Its absolutely clear that your DH places no value on

1. your career sacrifice - which allows him to work longer hours and build his career, thereby earning more seniority and money. Because of this, which he has been benefitting from, you have less pension, and been able to make less financial contributions to family pot. 2 ) But you have SAVED money for the family pot - ie the cost of the extra labour, given he is not around much, taking on all the childcare,household duties he doesnt have time for. There is a real cost for that or for getting in help to do it. Work out that cost.

Your labour is not free. Your non financial contributions have a real value.
Therefore seeing you as the lesser partner in this "venture" who now needs to recompense him, is unfair.

I don't normally refer to these roles in financial terms, but you are talking about finances and it seems he either doesn't understand or doesn't accept that you have a monetary value that is not immediately apparent.

It is YOUR inheritance. You can consider what he wants but ultimately its your decisioni. Ultimately, having read so many sad stories on MN.. I would advise anyone in a relationship to have access to their own personal savings as one never knows what the future will bring.. ie one of the DC requiring private medical op, but the other partner deeming its not necessary or having to ask agreement/permission for something you desperately want to do, which you could have paid for from the inheritance.

You don't sound like a selfish or grabby person, you've already earmarked things to benefit BOTH your DCs... He doesn't seem to have appreciated that as much because it is still saving him money as it means he will have to pay less towards this goal in the future. Presumably he may also have access to an inheritance in the future?

I'd be putting it in an ISA or something to give you more time to consider. You don't have to rush into anything without research and consideration. You've already contributed one inheritance to the household budget with the flat rent... you don't have to ask his permission about what you do with the second one.

In the spirit of fairness..

Seeing as you put in a percentage of your overall earnings, I think the £300 income should be now be classed as extra income for you, and work out what that does to your joint finances, it is up to you what you do with that £300 a month, as essentially that is your business income and nothing to do with him in terms of income stream, but it should be considered as income when working out percentages paid into the joint account.. bear in mind if anything needs doing to that property you will need the money for that so keep £2000-£3000 set aside for that purpose alone.

It's hard to advise on the other, technically as you are both contributing a percentage then it is a fair system, but where does his extra money go? Is it used for the benefit of the family? or does he fritter it on himself?

You say he works hard, works longer hours and does 50% share of household tasks, and he's always paid more into the joint pot than you, I think you need a bit of perspective here. I would actually feel like half that £80000 is his and I would like to think he would think the same if he received that sort of money but only you will know the answer to that, would he share if the roles were reversed? In which case you could divvy it up now straight down the middle and neither has any say over the other's share (or invest some 'each'), or take some out as an emergency fund/or a fund to do nice things for you as a family. then split up the rest? You could agree to put x amount of your share into overpaying the mortgage, then free with the rest.

Do not buy a project with the money though, sit on it for a few months before making a decision, he hasn't got time for it and if it is left to you and your heart isn't in it, it will be a millstone round your necks, massive added stress at a time where there should be none.

Yet he manages to sleep soundly every night with extra cash in hos pocket / bank.

Don't be manipulated to do what he wouldn't do for you or your partnership.

He didn't want to level the playing field before.

The amounts left will still be uneven! Why make it complicated? Easy to agree just to keep a certain amount back (in £ not %) and then pay the rest into the joint account. Or they can both pay into the joint accounts and then put the same amount from there into their personal accounts

See a solicitor and a financial adviser - on your own.

You ate already overcommitted to your shared asset. Don’t commingle the inheritance.

He’s a selfish cunt who thinks what’s his is his and now what’s yours is his too. Absolutely not. I also wouldn’t be buying a flat with him as half ownership. This is your money from your parents. If they had wanted to leave it to you both then their will would have reflected that. Fuck that shit. Invest in your or your kids names and keep the £300/month so you have equal free spends. Then when he wants to overpay on the mortgage, then you can too. But as he doesn’t want to commit his cash for that, he doesn’t get a choice in the decision on what your cash goes too. Prick.

I don’t think your understanding what I’m saying so we’ll just leave it there instead of going in circles

I wouldn’t share an inheritance.

If you pay into a joint account proportionate to your incomes, the £300pm should be counted as income for this purpose.

So you would pay slightly more and your husband slightly less once the new proportions are worked out, but you’ll retain most of the money for your retirement fund.

Well, we just got ca. 600K in an inheritance via my husband's mum, and we are using it to buy a bigger house which will be in both our names. Why? We share our funds. BOTH of us took care of his mum for several years and helped her. We live where we do so we were close by, and I chose a job based on location...I could have made more elsewhere, but family is important. We both agreed on the house. I said if he had cold feet, we would forget it and stay put and just get a savings account for now. That's fine, but he decided the house was pretty cool. We made the decision to be fair with one another.

When I received an inheritance, I used part of it to fix up our present house. I worked for a while when he took time off, and he is reciprocating now whilst I retire. I paid more into the mortgage, he paid off the small remainder of my student loans. We share our funds and we make it as equitable as we can.

OP, if your husband hasn't shared his extra money with you in the past and spent it on himself or put it in investments in his name, frankly, you do the same with your inheritance. See a financial advisor, put the 80K into something interest bearing in your name. Take the £300 and put it towards the mortgage which I am assuming is also in your name. Don't go into property speculation. You are grieving still. Take it easy and be kind to yourself. Don't let your husband pressure you into anything.

Your real problem is ‘he has more money left over’… what the hell?? You’re married. All income into one account. Bills paid. What’s left is split equally for each of you.
Why oh why are you organised in such a stupid way when you’re married with kids!!! You’re one unit. If he disagrees well frankly you’re better off single. The law considers you one unit.

The inheritance I would do nothing until your finances are reorganised in such a way that is equal and fair.

Assuming @icantwaitforsummer that you both put in the same amount for house/bills, he can’t expect you to contribute more as an overpayment now you’re on an equal footing. Unless he was previously prepared to when you were not(doesn’t sound like it)

You are grieving and this inheritance issue is causing some ructions in your marriage, so I'd stick the money in a savings account for now and worry about what to do with it in the future.

£300 income from a flat isn't a lot - definitely keep some of that to one side for repairs etc. Spend the rest! It's your money and it's not exactly a life-changing amount.

Your husband sounds stingy and selfish and that's horrendously unattractive but maybe he has other redeeming qualities.

In my view you are worrying about being fair to him.
Yet he is not fair in return - he is keeping his higher salary, and want's some of your money.

If you were a couple who shared everything, then it is shared and that is the end of it. But you are not - you have your own monies, and so both of you are entitled to keep any inheritance which comes your way.

Having been a landlord for 15 years, I am glad to be out of it a couple of years ago. In my experience it is much easier, and nearly as profitable, to just overpay mortgage, max out ISA's each year, stuff a pension in balance with each other, as much as you can afford . That gets you to your early retirement really early. If you have a lump sum and do not need it to retirement, what about popping your £40k limit into a pension today? You get extra tax relied into it (more than paying off mortgage or an ISA) and it grows steadily to your early retirement.

Do NOT share the inheritance. Ringfence it all in accounts in your name only while you digest the situation and recover from bereavement.

Once you mingle it, he will have a claim on it should you divorce. He's been holidng back his own funds to benefit himself, and not sharing equally; why should you benefit him to a great degree with your family's money?

You should be putting it all in a pension pot for your own future security, not for him or the kids. Women need to learn this.

How about using the £80k to offset against your current mortgage to save you paying interest on the mortgage? It could be in an account in your name, but offsetting against the joint mortgage. That way you're helping with the mortgage but not giving up your money.

"Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month."
Sound to me as if his attitude to money is

What's his is his, and what's yours is his as well.

You need to have a good hard talk about how BOTH of you proceed. He needs to stop being a selfish git who for years has taken for granted that he can splash the cash more than you can. Sounds to me that his ego wants you to sty poorer than he is. Horrible attitude!

To compare - both our incomes go into our joint account. Standing orders transfer the SAME amount of 'fun money' to our personal accounts to do with as we wish. Doesn't matter who earns more, neither of us has more "free cash" than the other.

We have yours, mine and ours finances - everything goes into the 'ours' joint account, and after bills and savings are deducted, what's left is split equally and goes into our individual accounts. DH is a spender, I'm a saver. If we didn't split the surplus into personal accounts, DH might very well spend the lot! Why should I lose out because some people don't understand the concept of personal money?

you'd get a better return on your money if you invested it properly like in a vanguard index. I'd suggest consulting a financial advisor.

invested funds can fluctuate, so it would be difficult to accurately estimate the income from it. Does he have savings that he shares the income from?

Honestly please stop feeling bad about putting yourself first with your money, for at least as long as he is putting himself first with his.

Don't share any with your husband - it's YOUR money. If he's going to be pissy you could use a portion for mortgage overpayment, maybe pay for a fancy holiday for your DH and children, and invest the rest as you see fit.