Inheritance dispute with husband

[icantwaitforsummer]

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month. We have a mortgage and DC.

I had 2 family members die suddenly this year. Shit year, still processing it all.

One left me a small flat, just got a tenant in there and rental income will be about £300 a month after taxes fees etc. Hoping to keep it for 15 years and then give it to DC.

My mum died and left me a share of her house, (shared with siblings) so will be about 80k

I was hoping to put the £300 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and then in 10 years go part time/partially retired.

The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage.

But he also thinks the £300 a month should pay off more of our mortgage in overpayments or go into the joint account each month and reduce his contributions.

AIBU in thinking if I keep a little bit for me is ok? And he could save more of his extra income or make mortgage overpayments but he has absolutely no interest in doing that.

I agree with PP.

Don't just keep a little bit for you, when he keeps all of his money for himself and has lots more than you.

When you have children together, but want to have separate accounts, I think the only fair way is to make sure you both have the same amount left over each month.

Actually @arethereanyleftatall should be your takeaway from this. Well said. Just repeat this with your face open and interested (so avoiding passive aggression- which I wouldn’t be able to do. Good luck!)

I was going to say:

So when whe was bringing in more he wanted seperate, now you're bringing in more he want's to make money joint

But then i realaied it's worse than that!

Now you're bringing in more he wants your money to be shared and still keep his seperate!

He's taking the piss!

He wants you to share your extra cash at the end of each month while keeping his extra cash for himself.

Nope.

Actually it's even worse than that!

He's not even just keeping his own, he wants to use your extra income to supliment his personal spending!

When I had an inheritance I paid off the mortgage, bought my mum a new(er) car and some new furniture.

So I split it over things that benefited the family and the rest was mine.

I do think paying off the mortgage should be a priority - it is liberating - but that is my opinion.

As I said, your money, your choice. Not his. H

That would be a no from me, for both.

It is your money.

My DH thinks when I inherit my parents house I am going to put it in both our names, he has always said that. He is in for a shock. It will go in my name and then inherited by my children (we don't have children together).

Given his general attitude to family money I'd be keeping the lot.

Telling him to shove it as it's yours is optional.

Your plan sounds generous to your DC and sensible.

It also sounds like fun to do up an old house.

Suggest that your husband puts his own money into shared assets, not your money.
An inheritance is a windfall and you don't have to consider it as your usual income.
Many people give all inheritance to the next generation.

What everyone else has said...
Plus don't buy a dooer upper flat for the return on investment...Those dates are long long gone. You'll get a much better return on stocks and shares investment.

I want to know where I can buy a flat for 80k please 😊

I'd be taking legal advice on this.

Either all money is joint or your inheritance is yours and not shared.

Bascially, what he's suggesting is he gets to keep his extra money, but you don't get to keep yours ...

Oh I see, when he’s got more it’s his, when you’ve got more its joint. I don’t think so sunshine. You stand your ground.

This.

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month.

Why does he feel entitled to more 'free cash' than you, @icantwaitforsummer ?

We see this on MN all the time. So infuriating!

If you are married, you are supposed to be a team.

north east you can buy one for £40k

If he is earning more than you I would suggest he puts in £150 more a month to the mortgage and you put in the same from your flat. You are then still putting in £300, but you are not the only one funding this.

It's so awful I actually hate this inheritance it has made me feel really weird about money.

We have a joint account and we have a percentage of our incomes go in. We haven't reviewed this in years though and I don't think it's fair, we should do it today. And we both have our own accounts too.

I suggested as this inheritance has changed our financial circumstances and I'm willing to put the whole 80k into 'us' a nice gesture would be he starts making overpayments of £100 a month into our mortgage.

He said he doesn't seem why he should put extra salary into our mortgage, as he has worked for it, and mine is from inheritance.

He also said I could put £400 a month into my pension and that would make our salaries the same, then it's fair.

So what’s his is his and what’s yours is to be shared?

No way.

I am not sure the details of your plan are the most sensible. An appointment with a certified independent financial advisor, who has nothing to gain by promoting any particular type of investment, might be a good idea.

Best wishes, OP

Irrelevant whether the money comes from working or inheritance. Don't part with a penny until you have resolved this to your satisfaction op x

Doesn't sound very fair to me, Op.

You definitely need a longer conversation with him regarding finances in general I think. My DH and I keep separate finances but revisit what is fair regarding contributions, savings etc on a regular basis. We've had to do it recently regarding an inheritance (his) and how best to utilise it. I was very much involved in the decision making around that but didn't try and dictate.

"The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage."

I would also be very careful doing something like this in the current climate – it has the potential to really spiral cost-wise as builders, materials etc are much, much more expensive than they were even just a few years ago. It could be a huge amount of stress/investment for not a lot (if any) return...

Mumsnet is funny about inheritance and many see it all as one pot.

Your still very early days of processing a lot of grief so my advice is to put the 80k into some savings account for now and deal with it when you feel ready.

It's not for your husband to suggest buying a flat and overpayment on the mortgage should be of benefit to you both not just him.

Well, I think you have you answer. If it was me, he would get F all. I’m sure your mum would want that money to benefit you all positively but he seems so grabby. If you were to split up he would also benefit from it especially if you bought a project together as that would be seen as a marital asset. Redirect it to ensure you and the kids have a secure future.
Will he be set to inherit anything? Bet he wouldn’t even consider an us pot.

I didn't want to add to your worries but seeing your update I'll add - I think the £100 overpayment from your husband would be the sensible idea since the "us" gesture (old flat) is not plain sailing, money-wise. You may need more for unforeseen costs on a renovation then he can stop the overpayment. He also needs to cost out the "old flat project" with a lot of contingency! I completely understand how this has left you feeling about money. Put it in NS&I (premium bonds/savings) for now and talk further in the new year after your loss is less raw. So says me - having never had savings I've been on a very steep learning curve this year!