Inheritance dispute with husband

[icantwaitforsummer]

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month. We have a mortgage and DC.

I had 2 family members die suddenly this year. Shit year, still processing it all.

One left me a small flat, just got a tenant in there and rental income will be about £300 a month after taxes fees etc. Hoping to keep it for 15 years and then give it to DC.

My mum died and left me a share of her house, (shared with siblings) so will be about 80k

I was hoping to put the £300 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and then in 10 years go part time/partially retired.

The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage.

But he also thinks the £300 a month should pay off more of our mortgage in overpayments or go into the joint account each month and reduce his contributions.

AIBU in thinking if I keep a little bit for me is ok? And he could save more of his extra income or make mortgage overpayments but he has absolutely no interest in doing that.

I’d be keeping the £80k and put it in a highest interest account you can - that’s your money and even at 4.25 % you’d see £283 per month income. Along with the rental income at £300 ( which sounds particularly low) you’d have £583 extra income.

now as you’re grieving and that’s something to bear in mind. I’d not rush into doing anything with the money for 12 months, give you time to consider your options.

n that time you’ll have another £6k+

sorry you lost your relatives, but think how happy they’d be know it made your life easier financially

Grasping bastard! Why does he think he should have more money than you?!!

How do your pension funds compare? Is your pot equal to his? If not you should seriously consider using the inheritance to top up your fund.

Geez he's actually quite unbelievable. I'm just about to inherit from my mum and my dh keeps saying repeatedly I've not to put it in the house and use it for myself as its my money and I cared for my mum. Il be buying a new kitchen (it isn't as much as yours) but your husband seems very grabby and opinionated over your inheritance and what you do with it. Do whatever you want to do.

£40k of your inheritance seems "beholden" to me!!

Why use percentages though? It will always mean one person has more money in their individual account than the other. Why not just agree that each person should keep a fixed amount back from their wages each month and all the rest of the wages go into a joint account? OP could also add the 300 each month to the joint. No recalculation required.

He does not wish it were equal. He wants his money and yours. You should tell him thinking your salary is yours and my inheritance is ours is the opposite of how the law thinks. Frankly it’s mine, you don’t share equally so you have a bloody cheek expecting me to. If you were a pool the money type person then I’d happily chuck it in the pot but you’re not. You’re the ‘I deserve more money because I work more which I can do since my wife looks after our children more but that doesn’t count to me’ and since you are that way then no I won’t share my inheritance.

I think this is a good idea. Don't let him browbeat you into anything. He needs a good boot up the arse, and that's just for starters!!

Have you been sharing expenses / mortgage evenly all this time or has he being paying more?
regardless it does not make sense to be being interest on a mortgage to have the money sat in the bank

That feels so selfish though, like I've got this big pot of money and I'm not sharing it, just the proceeds/interest. Don't think I could sleep at night!

In the years you’ve been married and he’s been getting more than you at the end of each month - if you added that up and adjusted for inflation, how much would it be? And is it fair that he’s had that to himself and not shared it with you?

Also, you shouldn’t be sharing all the interest. You need to reinvest some so it grows and keeps up with inflation.

He didn't want to share his extra income but now you have more he wants to share that. Mmmm, let's think about it ...

Would gift it her now

Ask him why he's not been paying g his extra income to overpay tve mortgage. He's a self centred knob.

@icantwaitforsummer Right so all of a sudden it’s ‘our’ money is it? He can fuck right off.

It does work like that.

People don't actually become one person on marriage. They remain individual human beings. The OP is the one who inherited and as long as that inheritance is kept separate and doesn't become a marital asset - as it may well do if it's spent on a doer-upper in join names with her DH - then it is normally excluded from financial arrangements on divorce.

By using percentages they work out the amount they need to pay in each month that leaves them both with the same amount of money in their individual accounts. If they both just kept a certain amount in their personal accounts they’d still need to work out total cost off household bills and work out a fair split. They could do it either way I just suggested percentages because that’s what OP said they already do

Why does he have month disposable income left at the end of the month?

That doesn't seem very equal.

He can't expect equality now when he didn't provide it in the past.

A renovation project could end up being a money pit, especially if you haven't done that type of thing before.

I think doing as much as you can to fund your pension to bring it up to closer to his is the best idea. Let's be honest if he doesn't share his salary and extra money now, he isn't going to spare his pension in future.

Have you told him that amount, maybe you should tell.him a lesser figure and hive off £10k running away money in your personal name somewhere private.

It doesn't matter if he has paid more if he has still kept more money back each month from his wages than OP has. Money is either shared equally or it is not.

Whether it makes sense to pay interest on the mortgage versus keeping money in the bank would depend on the interest rates of the mortgage versus the bank account.

I'm afraid I think you have a massively unequal unhealthy relationship op.

The fact that he can just state awful things and you passively are confused by what to do is very telling.

I can't remember your exact words up thread but it was something like 'he says he works hard so should get all of his extra money.' I'm sorry op but that is an awful thing for him to say. Nasty. Cruel. Selfish. Implication being 'harder than you'. He can work longer hours because you are doing the extra childcare so that money is joint money!!! You should have hit the roof with that remark. The fact that you didn't, suggests that you are in some way scared of him, scared of upsetting him or something. Because it is objectively an awful comment to blithely throw in.

You say you wish you hadn't got this money because it's causing problems. You could think of that another way. This money is showing you who your husband is. And what he is should have you thinking about spending your money on a solicitor.

Why don't you agree on £150 each to pay off £300/month from the mortgage?

Relieved you've ruled out the flat "project". Far more likely to lose on this than win unless he is a builder with actual contacts in tradespeople and actual knowledge of cost of materials. Too many people have believed a diet of TV property porn rubbish where they show "profit" on projects without all of the actual costs, loss of interest if the cash was invested elsewhere, let alone the dreadful stress most non-professionals experience in a "fixer up" project. Any of these reruns on the TV from pre pandemic should have red warnings emblazoned across the screen IMO as costs of materials and trades are as much as 4x more now.

His suggestion to do this does not reflect well on his financial acuity so don't be taking advice from him!
Plus, as you have decided to become a Landlord, as a p.p. pointed out, your first priority is to build a substantial "sinking fund" that's accessible for any future work the flat needs (is it leasehold?).

I think his main issue is he’s losing the financial power he had over you & he doesn’t like it. He has always been perfectly happy to have more disposable income than you & didn’t see it unfair, so he has no claim on your inheritance. If you’d always pooled everything & always took exactly the same amount each out of the pool for yourselves, then I’d say inheritances (or the income from them) should be pooled too. If you both pay the same % of your wages into the pool & your amount is less due to less income, then you should pay that % from the £300 too as that’s now an extra income to you.

In your position, I’d invest the £80k (in your name) that can be used for DC in future if needed. Count the £300 as your income & increase your pension contributions to secure your own retirement. Pay the extra % into the pool If from that pool there’s now enough to overpay the mortgage & you both want to do that, then go ahead. But prioritise any other (higher interest) debts first. If you have always contributed exactly the same amount of £ into the pool, despite earning less, then congratulations, you now have more disposable income. Stand firm & don’t let him suddenly take over your new income & remind him you were never allowed access to his extra disposable income.

Dont blame the inheritance for his selfish attitude. The inheritance has just highlighted it. If you’d got a massive bonus at work, it would have been that that highlighted it.

Enjoy the security the inheritance has given you. (& ring fence it in case this selfish attitude is just the tip of the iceberg)

sounds like it’s all got very messy and complicated with separate finances but sharing proceeds etc but really there’s two options- you continue with separate finances and the inheritance is yours, or all finances are joint- all wages to joint account and all expenses and finances are shared. There’s no middle ground. When my dh came into money it went on the mortgage, but every penny we earn and spend goes into and comes out of one joint account so it’s all shared

How much are you both paying into the joint pot by way of percentage? If he has been paying 70% and you 30%, I can see more where he is coming from

So your DH, who has dictated finances over the years to ensure he has more disposable income than you, now wants you to use your inheritance to not only benefit him equally in terms of investments but also to ensure he gets even more disposable income monthly? Make sure your inheritance is protected and works for you, OP, because this is not a generous, loving man who wants the best for you, he never has. The pension is a great idea. Or, he can make up the difference in disposable incomes over the years, pay it over to you in one lump sum and THEN you can share you inheritance. He only got to earn well because he had a wife at home making sure he could concentrate only on work while she kept every other plate up in the air.