Inheritance dispute with husband

[icantwaitforsummer]

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month. We have a mortgage and DC.

I had 2 family members die suddenly this year. Shit year, still processing it all.

One left me a small flat, just got a tenant in there and rental income will be about £300 a month after taxes fees etc. Hoping to keep it for 15 years and then give it to DC.

My mum died and left me a share of her house, (shared with siblings) so will be about 80k

I was hoping to put the £300 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and then in 10 years go part time/partially retired.

The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage.

But he also thinks the £300 a month should pay off more of our mortgage in overpayments or go into the joint account each month and reduce his contributions.

AIBU in thinking if I keep a little bit for me is ok? And he could save more of his extra income or make mortgage overpayments but he has absolutely no interest in doing that.

He's an absolute Prince this one isn't he? 🙄
Basically he's had more money than you for many years and enjoyed it and now you've got some cash to play with he doesn't like it and thinks you should share. Yeah, fuck that, immediately no.

We have one pot. Neither of us ‘question each other about what we’ve bought and why’

in your discussions I think you should say whatever we decide re inheritance it’s clear you need to be home at 5:30 3 nights a week from now on to do dinner and sports training etc and do the morning drop offs 2 days a week. You don’t value the effort I put into it so you should no longer benefit from it, since you think my efforts don’t contribute at all to your greater income you will be absolutely fine work wise and I can be at peace with you keeping extra salary money for yourself. Im going to go to the gym a bit more and think about extending my own work hours.

This x10000

It's true, I once read that Men typically think (and talk) about "things" like cars, money and football whereas women prefer to think about people. OP is concerned about her DC but her hub is more concerned about their finances. I'm not sure if OP should match her husband's mentality in that regard but she could probably meet in the middle. Fundamental differences like these make it hard sometimes for couples to see eye-to-eye. IMHO she's got her priorities dead straight and the hubbo should take more consideration into their DC, as another person has said it would be good to hear what hubbo would do if the shoe was on the other foot...

My granny told my mother always have running away money, my mother gave me the same advice. Use the money as you see fit.

It sounds as though you keep money separate, to a certain extent. Although you have a joint account for joint costs, you also have your own separate accounts/ finances. So what you are proposing sounds fair. If he was paying a higher percentage of your outgoings and you weren’t sharing any of your inheritance, he would have a point. But you’re sharing the 80k. Plus he’s been happy to have a higher disposable income than you every month. If the roles were reversed, what would your dh do! That’s a good indicator and I can guess the answer.

So it’s suits him to keep finances separate when he benefits. FFS selfish man. Then when you have some money he wants to spend that as well. No way.

Your husband is an inheritance thief.

There's another thread running that everyone thought was about an inheritance of as husband (it's actually not, it's other money but people answered assuming inheritance) and the consensus on that one was that it was just as much the wife's money as the husband, and how dare anyone suggest otherwise?

On this one it's all hers and only hers and he's a thief.

Interesting contrast.

How much does he have in savings OP?

Did you miss the bit in the opening post about how he works more hours and thus earns more and she does more childcare and thus less paid hours, and yet he's been keeping it all to himself the whole time and told her this is because 'he works hard.' ?

In this situation, the husband has already happily been keeping more money for himself for years whilst op does all the childcare (as well as working) to enable him to work all hours and earn more money. So the husband is already acting selfishly with his money and the op therefore needs to follow suit. Surely you understand that each situation needs to be considered on its own circumstances rather than applying a blanket rule?

Investing in a pension is a sensible use of the money. How can anyone argue with that

No contrast to be had as the situation is not the same at all, stop trying to twist it to suit a male v female narrative 🙄

Someone on here ages ago had inherited. She wanted to spend a third on a couple of amazing holidays, a designer bag and other nice things. Her partner did not agree at all. He'd have forbidden it if he could

@icantwaitforsummer How did the conversation go?

This sums up my reaction too.

I don't think "interesting contrast" is twisting of anything, and I didn't mention a make Vs female thing.

And since you misunderstood, it was clear I was talking about the answers from when it seemed like exactly the same situation.

Either inheritance is shared between spouses or it isn't.

Are you actually dim or have you not read the OP? Several people have pointed out it isn't the same as a simple split of an inheritance as her husband has, for many years, earnt more money than her and kept it to himself. Is this clearer for you?? 🙄

This, I’m a SAHM and we don’t have his or hers cash, it’s all outs. I wouldn’t think twice about this because it would all go in the same pot same as everything else.

I don’t understand why he has more case than you at the end of the month, it should really be the same regardless of whose income it is.

Oh sweetie, did you not understand the point made? Maybe try harder instead of calling others dim.

It's really not that complicated

It does make sence to pay off your mortgage but you either have shared finances or you don't. He can't expect you to share your inheritance if he doesn't share his salary.

The husband is always right.

I would just park this for now. Do not make any hasty decisions, especially not renovation schemes.

I’d tell him that you’re going to ringfence the flat income for repairs /service charges (because you can be damn sure he won’t help with unexpected bills. )

The money is going into an ISA until you are ready to think about it.

You are at pains to be fair to your husband , while he is ruthlessly trying to profit from your grief. Your best bit is to keep the inheritance totally separate from household money for now. Give yourself time to grieve and think .