Inheritance dispute with husband

[icantwaitforsummer]

Both me and my husband work full time, he earns more than me and has more free cash at the end of every month. We have a mortgage and DC.

I had 2 family members die suddenly this year. Shit year, still processing it all.

One left me a small flat, just got a tenant in there and rental income will be about £300 a month after taxes fees etc. Hoping to keep it for 15 years and then give it to DC.

My mum died and left me a share of her house, (shared with siblings) so will be about 80k

I was hoping to put the £300 a month in a stocks and shares ISA and then in 10 years go part time/partially retired.

The other 80k share with my husband, he wants to buy an old flat, and we do it up as a 'project'. And use any money we make to overpay mortgage.

But he also thinks the £300 a month should pay off more of our mortgage in overpayments or go into the joint account each month and reduce his contributions.

AIBU in thinking if I keep a little bit for me is ok? And he could save more of his extra income or make mortgage overpayments but he has absolutely no interest in doing that.

He can't keep more of his money but expect you to share all of yours. You're either both all in or you both keep your own money.

So it’s ok for him to have more money from
his work but not for you through the flat?! How on earth is that fair?
If he wants to overpay the mortgage then he should use some of his extra money

Personally I would always prioritise paying off the mortgage before anything else.

You never know what is going to happen and knowing your home is yours whatever comes is far more important to me.
In fact I know I would use the entire 80k for the mortgage (which would clear mine so maybe I think differently because of that)

I would keep all of it separate. If he has more cash than you, it sounds to me like you have separate finances, in which case why should he benefit now you have some money to yourself?

If you use it to pay off the mortgage he knows it all benefits him as he gets half the house.
He's definitely thinking of himself in this and how it benefits HIM.

It's your inheritance, OP, so you don't need to share it. It's your money, it wasn't left to him, so you decide what to do with it.

Sorry but if he has more cash left over each month then he doesn’t get the £300. If you really want to you could work out if the £300 gives you more surplus cash that him and split the difference. But if he wants to make overpayment on the mortgage he can divvy up some of his spare cash

Just read your post again and realised you have one of those his money her money situations going on.
In which case ignore my advice and do what you want to do.
There isn’t a penny in this house that we can’t both access, I’d frankly be insulted if my husband had money squirreled away from me and embarrassed if I had the same.

What’s his justification for whats his is his and what’s your is his?

the fact that you are questioning whether this is h fair (IT IS) this suggests to me that there is a very unhealthy power dynamic in your relationship

Your plan is better. You need a pension too. It’s better for you both if you also gave a pension- spreads the risk and us. Etter tax-wise. Also, pension should grow at a faster rate of return on average than your mortgage interest.

Where does he think you will both be in 10 years? What is his vision of the future?

Such decisions are so personal, and there is so much variation in couples' attitudes to finances that I think it is something you can only work out between yourselves. Personally I would invest the 80k for DC's house deposit in future.
And no way would I be buying a flat to do up! When you have DC it is a shame to spend precious family time on renovations, especially for a place you do not live in.

Either you share all your money or you don't! He can't have it both ways.

Mortgages are the lowest interest big value loans you can get, so as an investment your plan of buying a flat with the 80k is better. The only reason to pay off your mortgage now is if there's any worry of losing jobs or having to sell your current house if your finances all went wrong. It doesn't sound like that's likely though given your jobs and the other flat.
DH does sound unfair - unless there's any prospect of you splitting up then why would he worry about your windfall when he was happy with his higher earnings up till now?

You should both make overpayments into the mortgage or both use your extra money for your own savings. If the lump sum is enough to pay off the mortgage with no penalties then I would consider doing that if your DH puts an equal sum into joint savings over a short period of time. If mortgage has a low interest rate then probably worth keeping it and saving as you suggested.

So he has more money every month, including, one assumes, more money to save and yet he wants you to continue to have less money, including less money to save?

he's a prince, isn't he?

How did you not just laugh in his face and say 'so to get this straight. For x amount of years you have had more money than me and we haven't shared it like normal families do. But now that I have more money, you would like to share it? Well, no. '

So many posts like this on mumsnet. Literally don’t understand couples who are married and have kids yet don’t share finances equally.

Both make overpayments or no one does. He is being selfish and him even suggesting it indicates he is aware of the inequity of it and is used to taking you for a ride.

I am sorry for your losses. That is incredibly hard.
buying a flat seems reasonable under the circumstances. But by all means ringfence your deposit if at all possible.

This.

I think your plan is great. Personally, I'd pay the £300 into a private pension. Although, stocks and shares also works.

I think putting the 80k into a buy to left property in both your names is very generous. Alternatively, you could pay 80k of your existing mortgage.

I'm due a £250k inheritance and I won't be investing in anything unless my husband signs a postnup. My parents didn't work their whole life for him to get my inheritance. It's my security and my children's security.

Lovely idea to gift to your daughter in 15 years time. However please don't get caught out, when you gift the property to your daughter there will be Capital Gains Tax to pay. The difference from the value you inherited it at (the value used for probate) and the value when you gift it to your daughter. No different gifting it from selling it to in the future.

Whatever you decide, make sure there’s an amount easily accessible for the upkeep of the rental flat. However, I do think your plan is best (especially if you are still going with his idea of a renovation project). I also think he’s a little insensitive, given the bittersweet nature of the inheritance. Sorry about your bad year, hope things improve.

Are both your names on the mortgage, do you both pay the same amount each month. I would add up the figures first and see how much better a month off he is, then ring fence the same amount for you so you are equal. Then decide what to do with the surplus.
In the end though, it is your money, your choice although if you divorced he could make a claim on it.

This.

He's being incredibly selfish.

Stick with your plan OP.

If he earns more than you, does he pay any more towards bills etc. or does he keep all the extra for himself?

If he pays more, then I think he has a point about you paying down the mortgage or similar with some of the money. I also think it’s sensible for you to keep some of the money for yourself.

If he keeps all his extra money for himself then I think you’d be foolish to put any of your inheritance into shared assets. Keep it all separate, don’t pay down the mortgage etc. Don’t use any of the income from the rental for joint things over your share. Inheritance isn’t necessarily seen as a marital asset unless it’s used in a way to make it one. See a solicitor to make sure you do the most you can to keep it separate.