Asking fathers permission to propose

[janfebmar87]

Inspired by another thread but not a thread about a thread.

I really feel this is out dated and perpetuates the narrative that women are the possession of men

If we ever want true equality then we need to put "traditions" like this to bed.

No, not "clearly" at all. I find your posts really worrying tbh.

You are saying that 'social niceties' show "politeness and decency" while acknowledging that it doesn't necessarily mean someone is "perfect". That the gesture itself is more valuable to you because it makes YOU feel good.

Do you consider yourself a good judge of character? Do you always know when someone is honest and decent? Or have you been fooled by men who pretend they are honest and decent only to be someone completely different? Some men are able to wear the right mask 🤷‍♀️

How do you think con men(and women) abusive men, serial killers etc are able to do what they do? By knowing when to show "social niceties" and fake "respect and politeness and decency" because that gets them what they want/need. It's a silly tradition that some see to like anyway, but putting SO MUCH importance on it when you yourself acknowledge that it is meaningless as far as demonstrating that someone is actually a good, decent person is mindblowing to me

No engagement ring
DH and I walked down the aisle together
I gave a speech, as did my dad and FiL. I would have loved for one of our mums to give a speech, but I could hardly force them.
I didn't change my name
No kids

Did I pass the test?

So are you saying that nobody should bother with social niceties at all then

I can't be bothered to debate this anymore ill be honest 😄😄 to each their own but I stand by what I've said

Please don't be concerned 😄😄 we're fine

Didn’t do any of the traditional stuff. I also thing most traditions are outdated and I refuse to engage. My DH did ask me if I’d like him to ask for ‘permission’/ ‘blessing’ though which was nice rather than assuming he has to (would have been pissed if he did).

Just propose to your partner instead, problem solved.

Because waving at someone who lets you into traffic is definitely the same as someone asking for "permission" to marry your child 😄

I can understand you not wanting to address any of the points I've made or questions I've asked so, no problem.

I do hope you receive the validation you crave in some other way though and not via some warped expectation of your dd 🤷‍♀️

Oh calm down 🙄🙄🙄

I don't need validation but I expect my dd to be treated properly and part of that is a man asking me for my blessing to marry her. I expect him or her to wear a ring and be so so proud to call her their wife

I also expect to walk her down the aisle at her wedding, and I'd be so proud to do so 🥺🥰

I also expect to be stood at her graduation and also to go dancing with her when she's old enough and take her for her first drink - I'm sure you'll find issue with that as well

These are just things that some parents do. And the kind of parent I am is one who expects my daughter to marry someone who shares my view on strong women who lead and protect their families, and will, along with my dd, raise strong women who protect their families

There's many ways to do that, of course, but I'm specifically speaking about the tradition of asking for her hand in marriage

You do things your way, girl!

First marriage if ex had asked he’d of got no, we didn’t ask by the way my father hated him but he was a sexist abusive twat and wanted me there as his slave. He also didn’t walk me down the aisle either.
second marriage I’d have a long wait he was dead by then but we’d already went NC by then. He’d of said no anyways.

im not property to be handed over to my spouse either that’s just ick

my daughter didn’t have her father or step father walk her down the isle that was me and yes we got a few strange looks. She said it was because I raised her mainly alone. She didn’t ask her fathers for permission either or me for that matter. It isn’t a respect thing at all or manners. My children are not my property, just like I wasn’t either

I wasn't going to ask, but my wife wanted me to. Her family had no contact with her father, so she asked me to ask her sister's husband, the oldest man in the family. So I did. It wasn't exactly asking permission - just mentioning it over dinner, but everybody seemed happy with it, including mother-in-law.

But Mr Bennett consented not because Darcy was rich, but because he would never go against what his daughter decided to do with her own life- he still asks Lizzy to reconsider, telling her that money won't make her happy.

Anne is persuaded more by Lady Russell, whom she has too much respect for- she would have defied her father,I think...

It’s because historically women came with dowries. The two men were meeting to haggle over the price.

Weird that you think a man asking you for permission to marry her is treating her properly. If anything it's the other way around as you're are acting as if the menz are the ones in authority and making the decisions on what women do with their lives.

Yes, I doubt a ‘strong woman who will lead and protect her family’ is going to be thrilled at being treated like a subordinate in her own decision making.

Yeah, I meant more the logic of doing it man to man and one side of the family only in this day and age escapes me.

I am really intrigued by the idea that it shows "respect"

I don't really understand why it's respectful. It would have felt very disrespectful to me if my DH had done this

I would call that downright rude.

Not a great start to a MIL / SIL relationship.

Of course! But I didn't know the exact day/time that he was going to propose.. And what's that got to do with him asking/telling my parents beforehand?