Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

That won’t work if he’s memorised the password as o/p claims, he can just rejoin it. Or even get the password next time he’s at the neighbours- which is why there’s no point the neighbour changing it anyway.

It's not your neighbours responsibility to fix this for you, it's your job to teach your child that he can't just disregard what you say. He's upset about the laptop? Good! That's the point. After a couple of weeks if his behaviour has improved (no screaming) then give him set times when he's allowed access to his laptop - outside of those hours it stays in your possession.

Have some control over your child

Sure, if it's a Mac. And I always advocate for parental controls.
However OP should not let her son use someone else's WiFi full stop. Regardless of parental controls.

You can just click forget password/network? Or does he have it memorised?!

You need to focus on your young child who is screaming at you because he can't have his own way and has conned you over the sentiment of the pet photos. Go to Boots, get the photos printed off and stick them on his wall.

YABU to ask to change the password. It's your issue to sort.

Must admit I've never considered removing access to wifi/wifi password as a way of managing my children's screen time.

I'd remove the laptop and only let him use it in the living room while you're around.
Can you put parental controls on it?

Have a look at this: https://www.wikihow.com/Block-a-WiFi-Network-on-PC-or-Mac

It's something you should learn to do because you clearly have a tech-savvy and resourceful child.

Take the laptop off him then. He's 8, not 18.
He can use it in a family room whilst you're around and then when you say so, it gets turned off and put away.
Or install parental controls so he can't get online after a set time.

I have 3 teens - their phones & laptops are removed at a certain time every evening and only returned after 7am…. Seriously, your kid is 8, just remove it!!!

So your 8 year old screams at you when you make the decision about what he is and is not allowed to view online, he uses a neighbour’s WiFi password without their permission to look at things you can’t control and you are treated to hours of further tantrums when the laptop is removed. And yet you’re going to reward his poor behaviour and very clear technology addiction with an iPad full of safe apps. Sounds like a fantastic idea. What could go wrong, other than him being glued to the screen and screaming when you try to remove it?

I’m not judging btw. I know it’s easier to cave for a quiet life. I’m just trying to point out the obvious which is that this will be a rod for your own back if you don’t start putting your foot right down while he’s still only 8.

I’d give a child an ipad if I felt they could be trusted to use an iPad sensibly. That means using apps I decide at times I allow. No child screaming and tantruming about me, an adult, having rightful control over their tech use would get an IPad.

As others have said,.resetting the password means resetting:

• thermostat
• doorbell
• TV
• phones - mine, DHs, grandparents who visit
• tablet
• laptop
• desktop
• kindle

And probably others I forgot about.

I understand your frustration, but I can see why your neighbour won't reset it and assumes you should just take the devices off him.

Can she change the password because I have sky and the password is on back of router and I wouldn't even know how to change ut as its set for u

I work in IT and have multiple devices connected which are vital to my job - like fuck would I be resetting my entire professional setup because you can't control your child.

Act like a parent for God's sake.

Oh, and the pet photo stuff is manipulative nonsense. My son gets teary eyed when he can’t have things and tries to make it sound like he’s in dire need. Doesn’t work!

YABU.
She would have to reconnect her devices and tv all over again. Just take your son's laptop.

😂😂

OP. C’mon.

I agree with pp about how you’ll just need to focus on monitoring or limiting your sons laptop use, rather than attempting to control what the neighbour does.

It’s a bit of a faff to change the password and what happens the next time he gets a hold of it? Do they just keep changing it?

Regarding your son getting upset - print out the pictures of the dead pets for him to keep in his room. Problem solved.

@bluestoneboys ?!?!

As of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now

Very sensible of you, OP; no 8 year old should be accessing YouTube (at least the adult version) and no 8 year old should be pandered to just because he's screaming

As for the schoolwork and pet photos, just transfer them to your own device so you can fully control what he sees and for how long ... and it'll solve the "neighbour wifi" thing too, which incidentally isn't her problem

8 years old, screaming, photographic memory, special possession. Just think that through a bit.

I would change the passwords if I thought anyone else was on my WiFi. I listened to an awful radio programme about parents being arrested and having their children taken from them because dodgy material had been downloaded through their ip address. It was someone else accessing their WiFi but in the meantime, everyone had come to their own conclusions and the family suffered immensely.

Put him in a school that child needs discipline and you're clearly not doing that!

I was going to say YABU by the title, but I would have understood if my neighbour asked me to change my code for the same reason. Also, I would be slightly pissed off that someone else was using my wifi!