Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

This is a reverse right?

one - he needs better boundaries around his laptop and not in his room overnight if he can’t be trusted. He obviously can’t be trusted and the consequences of his own actions mean - no laptop. He needs to understand this. Actions = consequences.

Two - delete the password, block the router.

three - apologise to neighbour.

Sorry @bluestoneboys but you are totally out of line on this one.

You need to parent your child. Remove the laptop, disable the WiFi and password protect the settings...he should only have a child account that can't access the Internet or the sites you don't want him on if you are that concern3d.

But this is on you to sort.

Why should the neighbour have to update setting on however many devices she has?!

Why don't you change your own wifi password as an exercise, just to see what a lengthy process it is. Then you'll feel different about asking your neighbour to do the same.
It takes forever to change every device in the house.
Why does an 8 year old have unsupervised access to a laptop, and at night too???

After the tantrums will come acceptance. You need to go through it.

I wouldn’t do it, no. Our entire household is connected to Wi-Fi, I have no desire to spend an hour remembering how to set up all my devices again.
The solution is simple - take laptop away, pictures of dead animals printed in a photo album to be kept in his bedroom, access to devices in a family room only. And for the love of god, do not get an iPad for a child who already struggles with self-regulating his screen time.

Just let him watch YouTube ffs

1. I can't believe you just hotspot your kid instead of just using your WiFi, that's just weird. If he was hooked upto your WiFi, this never would of happened as you'd already have proper boundaries in place.

1. You can't expect your neighbour to change her password, this is a you problem. I certainly wouldn't be changing all my devices and gadgets because you told me to.

...just take his devices off him?

Just limit his access to the device. He's not going to be able to log onto the neighbours, or any other WiFi then.
Really YABU.

Whilst I agree that child's devices need more control (op did hint she has controls on her own network} I'm a bit conflicted wrt neighbour - she shouldn't have given him their password - (though her kids might have done) if she was giving him porn mags to read would the consensus be she shouldn't?

Confiscate laptop etc until he learns not to use neighbours wifi.

We upgraded wifi a couple of years ago and oh my god the pain it was to reconnect everything tvs/laptops/ipads/phones etc so no I would change it and I don’t even know how you would change the password so that is another faff

This, exactly.

You can ask your neighbour to block his device on her router, that's not very hard for her to do and he'll never be able to get on it again.
Otherwise you can block the actual WiFi network from the command prompt in windows

That's the complete opposite to what the OP should do...

Giving an eight year old the WiFi password is not the same as literally handing him porn. Get a grip now.

AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line? absolutely fine to ask. Fine for her to say no. Do they know if he starts looking at dodgy illegal shit then it's her IP address the police will be looking at?

well,i dont think inform her of misuse and suggest change password is a ridiculous first option.
I am actually guessing here-but would bet my fat butt that windows/apple probably has an alarm option in its menue to start and stop device?
google will tell you that. for sure?

I think you are both being unreasonable.
Given that he has memorised it and is now using her wifi - if I were her I would want to change it. I wouldnt want anyone else using mine (someone did once, it resulted in the police at my door accusing me/someone in my house of downloading childporn!)
And I think you are for not putting stronger boundaries in for your son. Restrict his access, remove his devices, remove the chargers etc. Whatever you need to do. And teach him what the rules are, where the boundaries are. And consequences for ignoring you.

Op, I don’t want to pile on with masses, I think you know which way I voted.

Your son, your responsibility. If you can’t be bothered to take away his devices for going against the rules, then you’re making a rod for your own back.

You say he's homeschooled. Does he get the chance to spend time with kids outside the household?

The way you're handling it isn't working if he's getting into a state. Does he have other stuff going on in his life to fill up his head? It sounds like he needs a lot of stimulation and just banning stuff without replacing it is just going to cause ructions

Blocking devices is just as complicated as changing password for most people. You’d need to access the router settings etc.

much easier for the o/p to do it. Either disable WiFi completely. block that WiFi network, or the most sensible thing would be to set parental controls so he can only use it at set times for a set length of time.

you can also specify which apps he’s allowed to use- so he can have unlimited access to his school apps, but only an hour on social media apps or games.

if you are iCloud based it’s really easy to do from your phone.

Just take away all his devices when you don’t want him to have access and parent your own child .

As it’s obviously a reverse about your mental neighbour:

Stand your ground if she asks again, she can’t expect you to change your flaming WiFi password because she can’t parent her child appropriately and ensure he doesn’t have electronic devices at times that she doesn’t want him to. Totally her problem to resolve like a decent parent.

This is a you problem. Not a problem for your neighbour to sort.