Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

Why does your 8 year old have his own laptop in his bedroom??? That's the issue not the WiFi password

Your son is lucky he isn't being brought up in the 1980s, he would have got a belt across his butt for sure for speaking to his mum like that. Rightly so.

Your poor neighbour.

Yes you are being unreasonable. In our house that would mean sorting out 4 phones, 4 laptops, 2 tablets, 3 sky boxes and a ring doorbell.
Parent your child!

I'm not talking about abuse

You are absolutely talking about abuse, if you’re suggesting parading an eight year old child to school wearing a nappy with a dummy in his mouth!!

I don't think real mental illnesses like bipolar, psychosis etc are caused by a bit of discipline

What about pretend mental illnesses like anxiety and depression?

Actually, on reflection, after re-reading your posts, I can see that you were being deliberately goady, so well done for hooking me in, and relieved you don’t really mean it!

Well if his mum threatens it he will comply and no harm will be done. No kid was harmed by a few words.

It's unreasonable to expect her to change it as ultimately you are the parent and responsible for your child's safety.

HOWEVER she's not his parent and had no fucking right to give him access to the internet without your consent. Just for that she should change the password and learn a lesson not to give it out again. Unless you knew at the time then she's done nothing wrong.

I have an autistic 8 yea old also kinda obsessed with screens and I do really get where you are coming from and I don't think a lot of people commenting really understand the complexity of this situation (if your kid is nd your op didn't say I'm just assuming by how you wrote). But that extra vulnerability is on us as parents to mitigate and there will always be people who make things hard for autistic people out of ignorance. We just have to be the bad guy. I think the iPad is a good idea you can allow the apps you want and screen time the internet. Can put his photos in there etc. Keep the laptop out of his room unless you are supervising

You're your sons parent, so parent

You need to parent your child and reverse the screen addiction you've let him develop. This is on you, not your neighbour, assuming this isn't a huge wind-up.

@samarrange an 8 year old making a death threat? Seems a bit of a stretch

I like having the original password on the modem so guests can get it themselves. I'd not like being asked to change it.

I couldn’t agree more. The audacity to pass the problem and blame your kind neighbour because you can’t parent your son is ludicrous. Take the laptop - the kid is eight. You are the parent act like it and stop palming off responsibility and frankly blame to someone else. Appalling.

Why are you home schooling?

I did mean it I wasn't being today. I was thinking back to how I would have been disciplined as a child . I was threatened with this kind of thing . I grew up in the 80s. Anxiety and depression aren't pretend. I doubt they are caused by a parent not giving into to tantrum. Though more effective might be to just ignore the screaming and wait for the child to calm down before interacting with them. Screaming at a parent is vile behaviour .

Your child is only 8, I thought you’d say he was a pre-teen. My son is the same age and I can’t imagine allowing him unsupervised access to a laptop all night long. Really shocked by that.

I think you are going to have a very hard time in the years ahead if you don’t put some firm boundaries in place. This is not your neighbour’s problem or responsibility.

https://www.wikihow.com/Block-a-WiFi-Network-on-PC-or-Mac

Here you go. Your child so your responsibility to sort out.

Yes, you're being unreasonable, be a parent and discipline your kid.

That’s the answer to all bad behaviour isn’t it? Oh are they ND? How will these people manage in the real world always making excuses for their bad behaviour

Good point well made. The lack of parenting and blaming a neighbour overshadowed the point about an eight year old having a laptop in his room and using it at night. An eight year old doesn’t need his own laptop at free use.

People have smart-everything and cameras. I wouldn't have done it, either. And I wouldn't have asked. Not the neighbour's responsibility.

Good grief. Other people's lives don't revolve around your child. I wouldn't change my wifi password because someone's precious darling was accessing YouTube at night either.

It's a ball-ache to change it when it's connected to everything - if I changed our wifi password we'd have to re-set it on two work laptops, two personal laptops, an iPad, two work phones, two personal phones, a printer, multiple smart speakers, a Sky box, the telly, an Amazon FireStick, the alarm system and the bloody central heating. No thanks. Your child, your problem.

Given that your neighbour is not IT literate enough to change the WIFI password (confess, not sure I would be either!), have they definitely turned on the 'parental controls' / 'website filtering' on theor WiFi so the kids don't accidentally come across adult websites etc? Might be worth a check. We had done all this for our own home, but took a while to click that this setting is not the default, so needed to be done for both sets of grandparents' houses as well.

You have my sympathy - this is a total pain to police when you have a DS with that type of brain that locks in and does not release.

Just stick a parental app on the laptop and set times for when internet access is permitted. It’ll be a small monthly subscription, but you can lock down the apps he’s allowed access to as well, plus you’ll have an overview of what he’s looking at online.

Do you know how much of a complete and utter Ballache it is to change the WiFi password OP?
EVERY device hooked onto her WIFI will need logging back in again and maybe she just can't be arsed with the hassle of that alone never mind the hassle of actually changing it.

You are 100% unreasonable. Your son is your responsibility not hers.

You are unreasonable asking her to change her password, however you can block her WiFi from your devices and politely ask her to block your son's devices/unknown devices from her router

Good god, no! Why on earth would you think that? I work with approximately 180 children daily. Some of them exhibit signs of nd, some don't. I was merely asking a question, zero intention of diagnosing, he just sounded from what the OP said, like he might have more going on than an nt child. Why so quick to leap at this?