Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

He can’t go to school it’s not that simple

Why?

It’s not your neighbor’s responsibility to parent your child. Put in your big girl pants and parent your own child. No devices after bedtime. Lock them up if necessary. Create an account on the laptop with parental controls. Change the password on the

She explained multiple times that he's ND, high needs that can't be met and suicidal...

WiFi Jammer or Faraday cage if you are not willing/able to take control of your own devices. Jammer is a bit antisocial on the neighbours though!

I must be the odd one out !! I’m not tech savvy but I would it. ! Can we not just help our neighbours???

Dear OP, I'm sorry you're getting a hard time off some folks on here, if you pop into your local computer shop I'm positive they'll be able to give you some in person tech advice and they may have a call out service where they help you manage your home network issues.

Sometimes when you're in the thick of an issue it's not possible to see the wood for the trees, be kind to yourself.

I can't believe some of the harsh replies you're getting on here after disclosing the terrible things your son has gone through.

Please try to ignore the worst of them. Your son has been dealt some awful cards in life, but he is lucky to have a parent willing to put her entire life on hold for him. You are and always will be his greatest protective factor, but at a very high cost to yourself.

I really do wish you the very best and that 2025 brings you both more support and improvement in the quality of your lives.

The OP does not have a home network. The neighbors have WiFi. OP hotspots off her own phone.

I can't believe the criticism you've been getting. Your neighbor shouldn't be giving your young and vulnerable child unrestricted access to the internet.

It definitely is a big deal when you've got to get step ladders out to remove each and every wifi smoke alarm from the ceiling to re-scan the QR code on the underside of the fitting, and take the cameras off the wall outside to do the same, and take the light fittings down to access the reset buttons in the ceiling void, and fiddle to get the cooker hood off, etc. I've got about 25 devices connected to my router and I absolutely would NOT being doing this when a parent should be taking their own responsibility for their child's internet use.

If it's that much if a fuck on, then am I safe to assume you wouldn't give your WiFi password to some kid that doesn't live there?

Apologies I missed her response.

But an 8yo is suicidal to the point where they can’t go to school? That is wild.

Were the same as in most of our house is ran remotely. From lights to plugs, home security, heating not even including devices like laptops and phones. So yeah it’s not something I would be rushing to do. Though I wouldn’t give a child access to my network without their parents permission in the first place.

Easiest thing (as I suggested up thread) is to just block the offending network. It’s like the device can’t even see it.

Which is why the neighbour giving the child their WiFi password without OP's consent is such a big issue.

The child was using the screen offline well and calmly, for things like drawing and writing, it seemed to help regulate. Internet access change it to obsessive and dangerous (harm themselves trying to access the device).

I'd really expect the neighbour to change password/block this device on their router to help with the situation.

OP your SW will be able to sort funding for a carer. Was a bit of a fight but I got one for my high needs kiddo who can't go to school. I was at breaking point as noone other than me could have my kiddo. If you frame it as you need time to keep level yourself and best able to support your kid eg time for counselling or coffee with a friend. They very clear it's not childcare for working it's rest bite

could you change your router password? And then change the password on every device that connects to it, phone, tv, computers, often heating and appliances?

I am tech savvy and know how to do it, and it would be a PITA. My mum is not tech savvy- for her to change her password I would need to go over there and do it all for her, probably with a few follow ups for devices that I’ve forgotten or when she forgets and puts the old password in.

it is much easier to set up parental controls on the child’s devices. Which additionally will
protect him from inappropriate apps and websites, and give him a timed allowance on his devices. Better o/p learns to take control and do that than waste the neighbours time getting them to learn how to change their password (and having to do it every time he visits and figures out the new one….)

And if I were the neighbour I’d expect o/p to set up parental controls so he can’t access my WiFi.

most people don’t have the tech knowledge to be blocking devices and changing passwords.

o/p can do it anyway, so why bother the neighbour.

The password change is irrelevant to the real issue here. You need to teach your son boundaries or he is going to go through life screaming for what he can't have possibly resulting in an unpleasant human being.

Even if you are the one who gave the child your password at the first place? You know, taking responsibility for your own actions and so on.

It is much easier and more effective to block device on the router than trying to set those mystical parental controls in a way that it would really block it from the neighbours network.

Have you read any of the OP's responses? This child isn't on a standard track and now the family goal number one is survival with minimal future harm.

Just ask the neighbour to block the devices MAC address on the router and no matter how many times he enters the password he won’t be able
to connect. He can still hotspot to your device and minimal faff for neighbour as they won’t have to change WiFi password on all IoT devices

Most people don’t understand how to change the default passwords on their router. On the other hand there easy to set parental controls on devices given to the child by their parent.

She’s right, it can be a nightmare to change the WiFi password with all the devices that one household use. I’d be telling you to get knotted!
Surely there must be away to block him from accessing that particular network?

Sorry to hear all his.

Please stop doing it. Not only is it bad for the laptop but there are plenty of scumbags about that would steal it and cause you more problems with repairs to whatever damage was caused!