Neighbour won’t change Wi-Fi password

[bluestoneboys]

Backstory - I get on pretty well with my neighbour, kids same age etc and my son used to go to school with them and loves to go over and hang out on occasion, while he was over there, neighbour let him use the Wi-Fi and he memorised the password (they know his history etc and that he has a brain like a sponge and a photographic memory)
now I can’t keep him off the Wi-Fi (at home he’s only ever had access to my personal hotspot so that I can completely limit access)
eventually I plan on getting him an iPad (probably for Christmas) so that I can download apps that can keep him safe as he’s permanently screaming at me when I say no YouTube etc as I don’t think it is appropriate for an 8yo
Now I’ve sussed out that he’s been hooked up to her Wi-Fi for about 2 weeks and has been sneaking time on his laptop overnight which fills me with anxiety about what he’s possibly doing on there. But she’s said she can’t change the password as that is too complicated etc
obv I know he’s my responsibility but given everything else he’s got going on and neighbour is aware I found it quite odd that she couldn’t change it in an effort to 1) stop him freeloading off her and 2) keep him safe
as of today I’ve now removed his laptop from him completely as it’s the only option I have currently to stop him, but he’s been flat out screaming and shouting for an hour now because his laptop is ‘very special’ to him as it’s where he stores all his work for homeschooling and also pictures of his pets (especially ones who have died) and he can get quite sentimental and sees this as a bit of an attack from me now
AIBU to ask her to change it to something he doesn’t know or was I out of line?

That is unfortunate. Your neighbour wouldn’t be open to blocking bis device from connecting her router, I’d assume?

have you informed your neighbour of the risk associated with him using the internet? Technically he could be accessing illegal website, spreading malware to their devices… I am not saying that he would do these things. But he could.

But you may end up in a bit of a dispute with your neighbours… I‘m not sure if I’d want to take that risk, tbh.

I feel incredibly sorry for your DS. But I’m honestly unsure whether there’s any other solution. And if he’s memorised the password he could simply reconnect with another device…

Design Christmas cards on paper, like kids usually do and is much better for him than using a screen.

keep the laptop in your bed at night if needs be. Put it in a high cupboard, under the sofa etc.

So if you lock it away he hurts himself trying to get to it?
So what if he has the laptop and he can't get on the Internet? What's going to happen then?

Yes the password is basically etched into his brain now so it’s a bit of a nightmare, I only ever allowed him my phone’s hotspot before this and don’t have Wi-Fi for this reason, as I can just turn it off and that’s the end of that 😪 but had no idea she’d given him Wi-Fi access

Nothing, he just plays on paint or writes stories on word… he just likes the laptop, likes pretending he’s at work in an office etc, when he’s got SW or police round he likes to copy them as they bring them too, it’s just that him having the internet is a problem that until she gave out her password, I had successfully avoided

This sounds really difficult I went through SA, emotional dysregulation and self harm too as a young child but not with ADHD to cope with as well. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Wish I had some tech advice but I'm not at all savvy in that area.

And a tablet for Christmas apparently. If ge couldn't be trusted with the laptop I'd not be buying a bloody tablet.

It’s instead of a laptop. He’s in therapy and a requirement of the therapy is access to certain apps, if I fail to meet this need then SS aren’t happy.

If you're replacing the laptop with a new tablet then you don't need the neighbour to change her password. Buy a tablet that you can control.

Yes I’m doing that, but Christmas is a month away and I can’t currently afford to just give him an iPad for bants 🙃

But also he still knows the password regardless

Just set a new rule. Laptop stays on dining table/coffee table. Only used between X and Y hours.

I'm not saying to give him an an iPad early, I'm saying you should bear the inconvenience of supervising your son's access on the laptop for a month instead of expecting your neighbour to change her password so save you a job.

I do supervise the access that I allow. He steals, in any way possible, because currently his brain Can’t cope without keeping secrets, due to abuse. So no matter what I do with it he will either steal it or hurt himself trying.

Can you lock the laptop in a car or somewhere?

Laptop. Remove the battery and basically take it to bed with you.

I feel that a lot of people on here are completely ignorant to what the effects that the trauma of being sexually abused for your entire childhood so far actually could be. Anyone who sees this as a simple problem or me being a lazy parent should know that they’re incredibly lucky. But unfortunately you’re also probably in the group of people who stand, stare and gossip. Parents telling their kids to stay away from my son were a huge part of the bullying that made him feel he wanted to die and were later heard saying‘it’s for the best’ when we ended up in hospital. I can say for sure if a neighbour came to me and I knew this was the story with their child, I’d do anything I could to help.

Block the network on the device. Problem solved. Don’t disconnect it where he can reconnect. Block it full stop. A quick google search will show you how

Yes, have done that, also had friends pick it up, but I have a heavy alarm system on the house due to him then trying to escape, if he knows he can’t get it he will hurt himself

But would it help?

Wouldn't he just get stressed at the password no longer working? And then asking his good friend, the neighbour's son, for the new password?

https://www.wikihow.com/Block-a-WiFi-Network-on-PC-or-Mac

Here’s a wiki link. I’m assuming because you said laptop it’s a windows based device

It wasn’t the child who gave out the password - it was the neighbour herself

I wouldn’t give any child access to the internet without parent’s permission personally. When he came back she said she’d given him the password but she’d made sure he wasn’t on there when he left. And everything has been chaotic since then

I’m so sorry for what your son has experienced, OP. Are you both receiving counselling for it?

He is, I get support through army but haven’t for a while as he cannot be left with anyone but me now so it’s just us at home and I cannot go anywhere without him, obviously I could get a carer for him, but all these things cost money that I really cannot justify given that he is home full time now, my monthly outgoings are up massively already since he’s left school and due to my work, there is no extra support other than DLA