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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

744 replies

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 21:20

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

OP posts:
florenceandthemac · 26/11/2024 21:59

How come you didn't call her out in Welsh?

SuperfluousHen · 26/11/2024 22:00

PotholesAnonymous · 26/11/2024 21:28

The English get treated with contempt by most other nationalities I find.

We're not very much liked.

There’s lots of ex-pat English in my part of Ireland and they are very much part of the community. Sometimes all you hear are English accents on the beach.

FloralGums · 26/11/2024 22:00

3CustardCreams · 26/11/2024 21:31

Americans like us a bit no?

We don’t like them though!

LostTheMarble · 26/11/2024 22:00

Really? Firstly I’ve never known anyone from NW to say ‘in Anglesey’, secondly if you’re from Conwy born and bred why were you speaking to them in English? Surely both sides could tell you were Welsh from your accent? Feels like there’s either a chunk of the story missing or this is just Welsh language baiting.

viques · 26/11/2024 22:01

I don’t think you caused a scene OP, I think you were remarkably restrained and polite! I hope the manager told his member of staff that he expects better customer service skills in future, because they way she behaved was totally unacceptable.

FloralGums · 26/11/2024 22:01

Leave a truthful review online OP.

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 22:01

Maybe it’s changed over the years but three generations of my family found it to be true.

foxandbee · 26/11/2024 22:02

How strange not to bother speaking Welsh. It is like being fluent in Spanish, going to Spain and not botherimg to speak Spanish.

Ebeneser · 26/11/2024 22:03

potatocakesinprogress · 26/11/2024 21:58

Basically all the tourist areas - Anglesey, Rhyl, Prestatyn, Talacre, Towyn, Llandudno, Bangor etc. Didn't even know there was an inland (joke).

Edited

Bangor isn't what I would call touristy, it's has a quite diverse populace being a university city and base for many people working at the hospital. Caernarfon is more touristy. What they all have in common is they are relatively coastal.

PeriPeriMam · 26/11/2024 22:04

You sound like you were too restrained and polite if anything! Please leave a a factual and to the point Google review. Maybe leave it in Welsh.

HousedInMySoul · 26/11/2024 22:05

I go to North Wales and Anglesey quite often and have always found the people to be lovely. I'm English and sadly don't speak Welsh

foxandbee · 26/11/2024 22:05

LostTheMarble · 26/11/2024 22:00

Really? Firstly I’ve never known anyone from NW to say ‘in Anglesey’, secondly if you’re from Conwy born and bred why were you speaking to them in English? Surely both sides could tell you were Welsh from your accent? Feels like there’s either a chunk of the story missing or this is just Welsh language baiting.

OP says neither of them have a Welsh accent.

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 22:06

@LostTheMarble I have no reason to lie. The cafe was in/on (does it really matter?) Anglesey and we're from Conwy. Born and bred and speak the language but we don't converse in Welsh every day. A lot of people don't and I don't think we should have to speak the language just to be treated with respect. Do you?

OP posts:
AnxiousRose · 26/11/2024 22:07

I am sorry you experienced that OP. It's not nice.
I would love to know what she said about you to the other customers?

CaffiSaliMali · 26/11/2024 22:07

Similar happened to my Mam (from Anglesey) in a pub in Cardiff once. She challenged them in Welsh and said their faces were truly a picture!

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 22:07

@LostTheMarble also, a lot of people from North Wales don't sound welsh. Quite a few people over the years have told me I don't sound welsh. The accent gets stronger towards Bangor, Anglesey etc

OP posts:
foxandbee · 26/11/2024 22:08

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 22:06

@LostTheMarble I have no reason to lie. The cafe was in/on (does it really matter?) Anglesey and we're from Conwy. Born and bred and speak the language but we don't converse in Welsh every day. A lot of people don't and I don't think we should have to speak the language just to be treated with respect. Do you?

Do you live in Conwy?

Wintersgirl · 26/11/2024 22:08

aldisud · 26/11/2024 21:56

In New York this summer most tour guides on finding out we were English took the piss and accused us of being colonialist oppressors...so not sure they do!

That's rich considering the USAs complicated dealings with Cuba....

Lizzie67384 · 26/11/2024 22:08

Birdscratch · 26/11/2024 21:44

Generally people speak to request service in bars or restaurants, so you can hear their accent. Mime is dying out in the food service industry.

🤣🤣

pennytoffees · 26/11/2024 22:09

@foxandbee yes still live here 😊

OP posts:
recipientofraspberries · 26/11/2024 22:10

What was the member of staff saying about you?

Buttermill · 26/11/2024 22:10

You did the right thing OP you did nothing wrong in the first place to warrant being talked about and very unprofessional as you said if she had of explained it costs money you could have paid at the end of the meal but used them there and then so food didn't go cold. Very rude staff id be sure to leave a bad review aswell

Clafoutie · 26/11/2024 22:11

Livelovebehappy · 26/11/2024 21:56

I honestly don’t get the attraction of Wales. Went twice a good few years ago. Once to stay a few days for a sporting event. And another time for a long weekend, and both times just felt it was a bit overhyped. Not been back since, and can’t see myself going anytime in the future. Guess it must have something going for it as some do like it there, but for me I just don’t see it. Maybe I’m spoilt living not far from the Lake District which is head and shoulders above Snowdonia.

A sporting event and a long weekend hardly qualify you to write off a country! Would you agree with someone who said this about your country, on the basis of two visits?!

GoldenLegend · 26/11/2024 22:11

JudgeJ · 26/11/2024 21:46

Yet if other nationalities were treated with contempt by the English purely on the basis of their nationality then the r-word would be trotted out, funny that!

ODFOD

JesusWasaLady · 26/11/2024 22:11

I would have started talking to her and the other table, in Welsh. I would have said (in Welsh) "oh yes, you can't trust any of these out of towners can you? Sometimes they even understand the lingo!"

and laughed it off