Caused a scene in a cafe today. Now wondering if we were unreasonable

[pennytoffees]

I'll start off by saying I'm welsh, born and bred and speak the language as does my entire family.

We visited (my mother and I) a local cafe today and had such an awful experience. We haven't been there in years but don't remember it being that bad. We don't sound welsh and spoke to them in English so they obviously assumed that we were tourists. They were very cold towards us.

Anyway, we placed our order and another staff member brought the food over to us. We asked for some sauces to which she replied "go and ask her" and then pointed to the woman at the till. There was a queue and we didn't want the food to go cold so asked her if she could get us some. She gave me a filthy look but reluctantly handed them over. I just want to add that at no point did she say that the sauces cost extra so we just presumed that they were free like most cafes/restaurants. It turns out that they weren't (to be honest I think it's pretty greedy charging customers for sachets of sauce when they've spent £14 on a meal and I don't know any other local businesses that do it but thats another argument). We would have paid with no issues had she explained that to us.

The main issue is that she came over to a couple sat behind us and started talking about us in Welsh thinking that we didn't understand. Funnily enough they asked for some sauces and she gave them for free but when we asked it was an issue. The only difference is they were clearly locals. At this point we'd had enough so I asked to speak with the manager and she asked me "why, is there a problem?". I said "yes but I'm not discussing it with you". Anyway, he came over and I explained what had happened. She was on the other side of the counter and came over and said "I'm sorry, I wasn't talking about you". She wasn't close enough to hear us talking so obviously knew what she had done wrong and was just trying to cover her tracks.

He apologised and we left it at that, didn't even finish our food as we felt so uncomfortable. To be honest I don't think he knew what to do but after reading the reviews online, it's clearly a regular occurrence and he doesn't care how his staff behaves or treats customers. It was embarrassing as everyone was looking at us. We don't like confrontation or causing trouble but felt we had to confront her. I believe we would have been treated differently had they known we were welsh. I was actually embarrassed to be welsh to be honest. They forget it's the tourists keeping them in business.

AIBU? Would you have confronted her or just walked away?

I would really love to be able to do something like this.
I really admire how you would be able to even finish your meal without hurrying.
I dream of this level of confidence.

Yet if other nationalities were treated with contempt by the English purely on the basis of their nationality then the r-word would be trotted out, funny that!

The people from North Wales are notoriously rude and unwelcoming.
They don't even see people born in South Wales as Welsh 🤣

I don't think I've ever met a Welsh person in N Wales, they're like red squirrels. You know they probably exist but they've been taken over by the greys.

@KimberleyClark why should we have to though? Isn't it our preference how we want to communicate with people?

That's not a nice experience OP.
I think you did the right thing speaking to the manager.
No point tacklng the server.

You say that, but I think Anglesey in particular would take a pretty big hit without English tourists.

I came on to ask the same thing! I got treated like that when I lived in north wales for not being Welsh

Oh thanks! I feel like I’m blushing. I didn’t ever think I was more confident than the average person before but perhaps.
I think it’s also a stubbornness in me!!

I don’t like to cause a scene but I do hate injustices eg Im one of those mums that says to young men in BMWs that park next to me in the mother and baby spaces ‘oh I think you’ve misplaced your baby huh?!?’

Saying this caused you to be embarrassed to be Welsh is very silly. He represents himself. Not a nationality.

You should definitely have turned round and confronted her in Welsh! It would have been brilliant to see the look on her face.

You could be like Daenerys in Game of Thrones only without burning them alive 😂

Well, it’s nice to make the effort to speak the local language if you can isn’t it?

You didn’t cause a scene at all, OP.

I can’t speak Welsh but if I could, I would have asked the same waitress in Welsh if I could speak to the manager.

When I was in younger I was in Spain, a group of women walked past me and said “choni” which is like a slang term equivalent to “chav”. I shouted back in Spanish “I can understand you” and they scurried off.

@Birdscratch that's disappointing to hear as everyone I know (family, friends) don't behave this way. Our community, local businesses etc wouldn't survive without tourists!

@KimberleyClark have you missed the point of the thread .... It wasn't "I can speak Welsh but chose not to"

What were they saying about you?

I find it pathetic when people think they can use a language as some kind of secret code to be mean about people. I’m Irish and have heard people (rarely to be fair), talking about others in Irish and I just think it’s sad and childish. Surely language should be to communicate, not to exclude.

If you go to Anglesey, that's probably why. Although the Welsh speaking locals are more inland where the houses are cheaper.

They don't "switch to Welsh" - this is such an English myth 😆 They speak Welsh all the time - it's their first langauge; it's not done for your benefit. They also often speak a mixture of Welsh and English whether you are there or not. God forbid they speak their own language in their own country.
Having said that, there is often resentment towards the English. But you have to put this into context and ask yourself why.
I'm not Welsh btw.

In New York this summer most tour guides on finding out we were English took the piss and accused us of being colonialist oppressors...so not sure they do!

I honestly don’t get the attraction of Wales. Went twice a good few years ago. Once to stay a few days for a sporting event. And another time for a long weekend, and both times just felt it was a bit overhyped. Not been back since, and can’t see myself going anytime in the future. Guess it must have something going for it as some do like it there, but for me I just don’t see it. Maybe I’m spoilt living not far from the Lake District which is head and shoulders above Snowdonia.

Course they did…..

You should've turned to the people behind you and said "Allwch chi ei arogli? Doedd hi ddim wedi cael bath ers mis!"

Basically all the tourist areas - Anglesey, Rhyl, Prestatyn, Talacre, Towyn, Llandudno, Bangor etc. Didn't even know there was an inland (joke).

I don't find that at all. Other nationalities are pretty patient and polite towards us bumbling Brits who can never speak more than a few words of anyone else's language. I mean you can go to Spain or the Netherlands or Eastern Europe or even more far flung places like Malaysia and have a good chance of being able to order in English in a cafe. Imagine a Malaysian or even French person coming to the UK and expecting to speak their own language and be understood by bus drivers and waitresses.

And you can go to countries that have suffered terrible things as a result of colonisation and still get treated respectfully by the people there. It's very humbling.

Maybe it's your attitude that's the problem?