To think parents who go too hard on the Santa thing are setting themselves up for heartbreak?

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

This week I’ve seen on MN people saying that they still put a “stocking from Santa” out for their teen and even adult children, refuse to tell them he’s not real even when the subject is broached, that their elderly mums and middle aged DHs are “firm believers” in Santa and that they have a rule “If you don’t believe you don’t receive”. I’ve also seen people say Santa is the entirety of Christmas magic. Even that Santa brings ALL the presents

Now my own situation is that DD is 11 and has a pretty good bullshit detector, she declared aged 6ish that she knew Santa wasn’t real and I said that’s fine but please play along for your brother (which she has) and that she will still get presents obviously. If I tried to tell her now that Santa was real she’d do that pre-teen eyeroll probably cringe herself inside out. DS is nearly 8 and still believes, though it’s really touch and go as he’s mentioned some of his mates don’t believe, and I doubt he will believe next year. However he is ridiculously honest and he’d never ever play along with a pretence when he knows the truth. If I told him he wouldn’t get presents if he didn’t believe in Santa, he’d be sick with worry because he’d take is as gospel rather than what it means which is “If you don’t PRETEND to believe you don’t receive”

On top of Lapland visits, the snowy footprint thing, the apps where you can photoshop photos and videos with Santa delivering presents into your house…AIBU to think some parents are hingeing too much on their kids believing in a pretend man and when their kids find out (which they will) it will be all the harder that it was pushed so hard? I’ve heard of children crying for days over finding out he doesn’t exist and even kids going to secondary still believing!

I also think it’s a bit gaslighty to pretend to teens that he exists, and really infantilising. Teens often already think their parents are just the saddest people going, better to not encourage them.

As for all presents being from Santa - I just assumed everyone did stockings from Santa, but some people let a non existent man take the credit for present buying! Sod that 😂

Flip, title should say “setting their kids up for heartbreak”

How does what other people do impact you in any way? There are dozens of sneery Santa threads on MN EVERY single year.

You do you 😉

It doesn’t impact me, and I haven’t said it does. It’s just a discussion.

Back in the real world I gave never known any child being traumatised after finding out about santa .

Unless they have significant needs no teenager believes but family's play along it's just a part if the season ..I still say to adult children what would you like from santa it's just a nice thing hardly infanitising them you really are over thinking things .you do you at xmas and leave others to there thing

Each to their own. Why does what other families do, concern you?

I know what you mean OP.

We just went along with it in a pretty low key way for as long as it lasted (which for DS, was actually ridiculously long 😄🙈).

And it all quite odd if you think about it too much anyway.

Ive checked with the kids…they aren’t heartbroken but thank you for your concern 😀

ds2 was wandering round a shop at the weekend saying’ if santa is stuck for a gift i like these …’

he is 21

Meh, as long as they're happy 🤷‍♂️

My teens still get a stocking and all presents are always from Father Christmas. They know it’s me and DH obviously but it’s something fun and makes us happy so why not???

My mum used to give me a stocking well into.my 20,s neither she or I really believed it was from santa

It’s just a bit of craic, we all enjoy it here and aren’t delusional that he’s real. It just helps us get in the spirit of Christmas to talk about Santa. We did all the above, Santa visits, fake photos, all sorts of crap. My kids are 13 and 19 and are perfectly normal, it’s not causing anyone any harm.

DM still labels all my presents ‘from Santa’ too.

I’ve managed to function just fine.

YANBU. It's all completely over the top now, which cheapens it. A wee stocking on the end of the bed with token gifts, perhaps leaving out a carrot and milk, is much better than the absolute monstrosity the idea of 'Santa' leaving a mountain of presents under the tree has become.

Ds1 was confused til he was about 16 😀

he said he knew santa didn’t exist but he couldn’t figure out how we were getting the presents in the house

If people give their teens a stocking, they are not 'gaslighting'. Stockings are a convenient holder for all the small bits, and my kids like waking up to them on the bed, even more so as teens as they get to lie in bed longer and eat some chocolate. They know it is me doing it and not santa ffs.

The teenagers are clearly just humouring their parents. It’s sweet.

I was heartbroken when I worked it out aged nine, but I would say I’m over it now.

Hmmm I don't agree sorry @EvilsElsasPetSnowman

Children are fine when they find out Santa isn't real (and it was actually their mum or dad!!!) My 2 DD still believed in Santa until they were 12-13. It was so wonderful and magical having them still believe at this age.

Well... I thought they did!!!

At 16-17, they confessed to us... 'errr, mom, dad, sorry but....... we haven't believed in Santa since we were about 7 or 8!' I was like 'whaaaa?' It was a cross between other children at school saying he isn't real, and them just realising no-one could fly all over the planet and deliver gifts to 7 billion people in a few hours. 😆

Can't believe I thought they believed in Santa til the age of 12-13! What a mug!

They said they LOVED it whilst it lasted, and found it all very exciting - but yeah, by 7-8 they did twig, and they were NOT traumatised when they discovered Santa isn't real!!! (They are a year apart in age.)

.

I don’t think you really understand what gaslighting is OP 😂

Who cares if you’re sneery about it, some families continue the Santa tradition in a tongue in cheek way, each to their own.

It’s the one who tell them they’re from Santa and if they “don’t believe they won’t receive”. Not just people who put stockings out.

I think it’s a heartbreak soon remedied tbh. There aren’t many 26-year-olds out there still devastated because they eventually learned Father Christmas doesn’t exist. If there’s a small minority of children going off to secondary school still believing in Father Christmas then learning it’s all made up is just one of the many, many life lessons - some of which are a bit disappointing - that teenagers have to get through and very unlikely to be the hardest.

Have you ever met anyone who was traumatised by finding out santa isn't real? I haven't.

Neither of my kids were traumatised when they worked out Santa didn't exist.

We went pretty hard because I love doing Christmas anything.

This. Don't be so dramatic OP.

I highly doubt most teens still believe anyway, they're probably just going along with it.

I dont know anybody who does that or says that.