To think parents who go too hard on the Santa thing are setting themselves up for heartbreak?

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

This week I’ve seen on MN people saying that they still put a “stocking from Santa” out for their teen and even adult children, refuse to tell them he’s not real even when the subject is broached, that their elderly mums and middle aged DHs are “firm believers” in Santa and that they have a rule “If you don’t believe you don’t receive”. I’ve also seen people say Santa is the entirety of Christmas magic. Even that Santa brings ALL the presents

Now my own situation is that DD is 11 and has a pretty good bullshit detector, she declared aged 6ish that she knew Santa wasn’t real and I said that’s fine but please play along for your brother (which she has) and that she will still get presents obviously. If I tried to tell her now that Santa was real she’d do that pre-teen eyeroll probably cringe herself inside out. DS is nearly 8 and still believes, though it’s really touch and go as he’s mentioned some of his mates don’t believe, and I doubt he will believe next year. However he is ridiculously honest and he’d never ever play along with a pretence when he knows the truth. If I told him he wouldn’t get presents if he didn’t believe in Santa, he’d be sick with worry because he’d take is as gospel rather than what it means which is “If you don’t PRETEND to believe you don’t receive”

On top of Lapland visits, the snowy footprint thing, the apps where you can photoshop photos and videos with Santa delivering presents into your house…AIBU to think some parents are hingeing too much on their kids believing in a pretend man and when their kids find out (which they will) it will be all the harder that it was pushed so hard? I’ve heard of children crying for days over finding out he doesn’t exist and even kids going to secondary still believing!

I also think it’s a bit gaslighty to pretend to teens that he exists, and really infantilising. Teens often already think their parents are just the saddest people going, better to not encourage them.

As for all presents being from Santa - I just assumed everyone did stockings from Santa, but some people let a non existent man take the credit for present buying! Sod that 😂

Santa did every here, the DC believed, then we had a couple of not quite sure/fake believing years. Then they sussed it out and loved the presents whoever they are from, no trauma involved.

It's not really about believing in a physical person called "Santa Claus" is it though, after a certain age? The fun of stockings when you get older is that you get to choose little fun things that others will appreciate and gift them anonymously. The "Spirit of Santa" is just that nice glowing feeling from doing communal gifts without the obligation of thank yous and reciprocation and all the politics that comes into "big gift" giving. It's fun to have the story and the mince pie, carrot and sherry even though, as adults we know it's not physically real.

Everyone in our family gets a stocking - including my in laws in their 80's. No psychological damage has been done.

And yep, that's me too (same age DC). I'm 49 and my parents are still to sit me down and admit he's not 'real'.

My Mum still does me a stocking from Santa at 50!

Aw love this! I bought my DD a gorgeous handmade stocking for her first Christmas and I hope to still fill that exact stocking when she's 50.

No, me neither. I don’t want or need my children to feel indebted to me.

I can only speak for myself but my mum left a stocking on my bed for as long as I spent Christmas in their house. I certainly didn’t believe in Santa aged 23.

I don’t remember being heartbroken when I worked out he wasn’t real and I don’t resent my parents for ‘lying’. I look back and think my parents did all that wrapping and decorating and pretending and writing notes from Santa in a wobbly hand - just because they loved me.

I look back and think my parents did all that wrapping and decorating and pretending and writing notes from Santa in a wobbly hand - just because they loved me.

Me too ❤️

I don't understand this thread. Of course Father Christmas is real! (I'm 40).

My DD is October bday. First 3 years too young, 3rd had to down play it as freaked out by the thought of father Xmas coming into her house. Following year, can’t be real makes no logical sense

DS Mr Xmas in all his glory. Fully bought into all the magic. You want deca putting up - he’s your guy! Still stings a bit the casual
way he dropped into conversation how disappointed he was to find out father Xmas wasn’t real (circa aged 7 I think!) luckily hasn’t stolen his Xmas cheer!!

It's not about wanting credit. In our household, only 1 gift comes from us, the rest are from GPs, aunts, friends etc...It's important that the child feels loved by a community and knows that everyone has chosen something especially for them. And then, get them to say thank you / make a card etc...

We do do stockings that are in a jokey way from father Christmas but it's not hidden that they actually come from us.

It's a tradition. Kids are in on the lie from about 6 onwards and just pretend to believe.

I agree. Santa is a bit of fun for young kids. It should not be the whole basis of Christmas and dragged out in this ridiculous way for anyone over the age of about 9.

Read the thread, there are posts explicitly stating this

I’d say it was obvious who the presents I buy are from as I know my kids so well and pick things I know they will love but not that they’d necessarily ask for. It’s fine to say you do you however it’s pretty annoying when you can’t take your kids anywhere at this time of year without someone saying “what’s Santa getting you?” I’d never encourage my kids to ask for anything and we don’t do Santa letters the assumption that you do pisses me off. I’m quite happy doing Christmas my way and hate all the crap they get fed at school. I’ve discussed with my eldest that everyone has different views on Santa and he can just keep quiet about his. The two younger ones are brainwashed at the moment, so do ask about Santa I’m afraid my only answer is “do you think he’s real?” And when asked about naughty lists I tell them that’s utter rubbish!

In answer to your question - no I don't.

I recognise how magical Xmas felt as a child. The excitement of Santa coming and gifts and family time. Once I knew Santa wasn't real we still put out stockings and mum filled them as she always has. Except now we appreciated the magic she'd given us over the years and hopefully, we've given our children the same.

2 of my children know Santa is me. This caused them no distress or upset and they still put out stockings and they hope one day to become a good Santa themselves.

On top of Lapland visits, the snowy footprint thing, the apps where you can photoshop photos and videos with Santa delivering presents into your house…

There's a risk with all this stuff of over-egging the pudding. The more fake stuff, the more likely the children are to spot holes in it. The 'mystery' of Christmas needs to be preserved with a certain amount of vagueness.

Oh OP you really are being a bit silly about it all. I hope you never move to Ireland! You'd really struggle there at Christmas as Santy is a HUGE thing culturally.

And we're all just FINE! We go all out (well by comparison to UK it seems). We have fantastic traditions around Christmas. We now have a young adult & none of us have ever admitted Santy is not real.

We've evolved into doing stocking for everyone in the house on Christmas eve. It's fun & we all absolutely love it! In the past 5 or 6 years I've done them for my parents too & they love them too.

We do say if you don't believe he won't come but it's entirely tongue in cheek.

I grew up with this & so did my dc. My dh grew up in England & had none of this. His parents made very lukewarm attempts at it but mostly really didn't make much effort at all.

Since marrying me & having our dc he has adopted our customs wholeheartedly & loves them as much as we do.

As kids we also make a huge deal around Halloween etc & these are some of my best memories of both being a child & of my dc as small kids.

I feel sorry that so many people on MN have such a joyles non-magical attitude to life!

I track Santa every year and I'm a middle class woman of a certain age!!
I will have my app on my iPad next to my work computer this year as I have to work Xmas Eve (boo)
I even tell my kids I'm off to bed once Santa flies by as he seems to pass where we love a smidge before midnight on Xmas Eve these days mine grunt at me and pour themselves another baileys!!

Also - for us santy always brought all the toys for the children. They were unwrapped & arranged either side of the fireplace nearest their stockings

Any presents given by friends or family were wrapped & labelled & placed under the tree & these were opened after dc looked at Santy presents. There was zero confusion over who had given what.

Also it was never questioned why parents didn't give their kids presents. It was generally accepted that santy brought the kids presents in the house & parents bought the presents to be given to friends & family. And in our minds this was just the way it was. Plus we were so thrilled with all our new toys that we didn't have time or inclination to look for or wonder about more..

Also we got only toys - not so much practical things like pj's- they were things grandparents or aunties bought

I've never heard anyone say don't believe and you won't receive. My mum did us stockings well in to adulthood, there was no gaslighting about it actually being santa. That said I agree on the all presents from Santa thing, we just do stockings

This..its not a thing..any child I know has just gradually come to the realisation themselves as they get older... probably from around 9/10 and when they go to secondary school they just don't believe anymore. It's a normal process.

We're doing a santa stocking for my mum who is spending Christmas with us this year. She is 80. She does not "firmly believe" in Santa.

DC will have presents from Father Christmas again this year, as usual. They’re 19! They love it, it’s fun, they’ve known for years it’s me. No trauma.

I think it becomes more an issue if a very unattainable present is wanted and someone else say a school friend gets it.

If families have gone all in it is very hard to justify that. And I think now a days the gaps are getting sadly bigger for those under financial pressure.

People give presents 'from the dog/cat' too. Obv the pet exists but they haven't gone shopping...