To think parents who go too hard on the Santa thing are setting themselves up for heartbreak?

[EvilsElsasPetSnowman]

This week I’ve seen on MN people saying that they still put a “stocking from Santa” out for their teen and even adult children, refuse to tell them he’s not real even when the subject is broached, that their elderly mums and middle aged DHs are “firm believers” in Santa and that they have a rule “If you don’t believe you don’t receive”. I’ve also seen people say Santa is the entirety of Christmas magic. Even that Santa brings ALL the presents

Now my own situation is that DD is 11 and has a pretty good bullshit detector, she declared aged 6ish that she knew Santa wasn’t real and I said that’s fine but please play along for your brother (which she has) and that she will still get presents obviously. If I tried to tell her now that Santa was real she’d do that pre-teen eyeroll probably cringe herself inside out. DS is nearly 8 and still believes, though it’s really touch and go as he’s mentioned some of his mates don’t believe, and I doubt he will believe next year. However he is ridiculously honest and he’d never ever play along with a pretence when he knows the truth. If I told him he wouldn’t get presents if he didn’t believe in Santa, he’d be sick with worry because he’d take is as gospel rather than what it means which is “If you don’t PRETEND to believe you don’t receive”

On top of Lapland visits, the snowy footprint thing, the apps where you can photoshop photos and videos with Santa delivering presents into your house…AIBU to think some parents are hingeing too much on their kids believing in a pretend man and when their kids find out (which they will) it will be all the harder that it was pushed so hard? I’ve heard of children crying for days over finding out he doesn’t exist and even kids going to secondary still believing!

I also think it’s a bit gaslighty to pretend to teens that he exists, and really infantilising. Teens often already think their parents are just the saddest people going, better to not encourage them.

As for all presents being from Santa - I just assumed everyone did stockings from Santa, but some people let a non existent man take the credit for present buying! Sod that 😂

There really is a lot of overthinking going on over Christmas. None of it is compulsory, just do Christmas your way and don't sneer at people who do it differently.

It's the extreme investment in actual, genuine belief that some parents seem to show that baffles me. We've always done Santa, but we've never made any real pretence that it's anything other than a nice game. There have been moments when my three have 'believed', but more as a happy suspension of disbelief than anything else. Our youngest, who's very imaginative, perhaps wasn't certain for a while, but I told her straight when she asked, and she still feels just as much joy and excitement in Christmas as she ever did. Santa as a bit of fun and a tongue-in-cheek reference is fine, and lovely. It's this hanging of all 'The Magic' on children actually, literally believing that I don't get - and that, going by threads on here, ironically seems to cause a lot of upset and animosity when someone breaks ranks.

What you describe is definitely too intense and doesn't need to be this way, but I can't say if I've seen many, if any, people actually doing this in real life. My parents joke around about Santa getting us presents and I always add family photos with Christmas backgrounds to their presents, but we all know it's just a game and a silly tradition done for funsies, no one treats it seriously. I think in most cases it also goes like this without any heartbreaks.