To refuse to host BIL, his family and untrained dog!

[twogreentrees]

So we have always hosted Christmas. Literally for the past 17 years. It's mainly as a result of the fact that for a long time BIL and his family lived in a very small house whereas we have a larger house with room to seat everyone. PIL also find it easier to get to us (about an hour) than to BIL (about 2 hours). BIL and his family generally stay overnight so they are with us for two days. PIL tend to stay for the day and then go home since they prefer to sleep at home.

This year BIL and his family "rescued" a street dog from Eastern Europe. He is a large mixed breed and is completely out of control. He has to be kept on a lead at all times when out because he has a very high prey drive and zero recall. He regularly kills pigeons, squirrels, mice, rabbits etc. He is extremely reactive and charges at cats and other dogs. He is also very noisy.

We have a small dog, two kittens and free range ducks. Our garden is also not particularly secure for such a large dog (it's fine for ours but he's small). DH and BIL are both in a strop because I have said we are not hosting them this year unless they put the dog into a kennel. BIL has said it is offensive and the dog is a member of their family. Apparently I am ruining Christmas for their children (teens so probably couldn't care less anyway about visiting their aunt/uncle). I am gob smacked that we have even been asked.

I don't even know why Im asking. Just for reassurance really. I'm absolutely not BU am I? I'd really rather not have a festive small pet massacre on my hands.

It's telling that OK is at such pains to defend her DH on an anonymous forum and yet her DH won 't even defend her to his own brother and SIL.

Telling what exactly?

And I didn’t say DH wouldn’t defend me. However I don’t need defending thanks. I am perfectly capable of having my own views and opinions and standing up for myself.

Update floored me!
Cheeky fu*kers!
unbelievable.

their dog sounds a danger to your pets. of course it should be a hard no. tell them that in future if their dog is trained out of such behaviour, you would consider it, but at this stage in his training, it's just not safe for your own animals, and would cause everyone more stress than it's worth. perhaps, if it's not too late to book it, see if there's somewhere an in between distance you could meet up for a meal out together.

It's also your Christmas and your pets are part of your family and you should not be expected to isolate them and miss their company for Christmas for the sake of a visitor and their unruly new pet. The selfish attitude of your BIL & SIL show how little respect they have for you. Guess after 17 years they see you as a their own Christmas Domestic servant cook and waitress, and your purpose is to host and provide their xmas without thought or care to your Christmas experience. It's time for a change

I agree, I am not and neither are my parents. My father and I were both attacked (by the same dog, him trying to protect me) when I was a kid and are both now phobic of dogs.

Dont care if it comes with a certficate from David Attenborough, no dogs in my home!

Same! There is no way on god's green earth I am hosting anyone else's dog! Even leaving aside the fact that I have cats! What on earth has made people so entitled as to think that their dogs are welcome in someone else's house? Just no!!

OP has said that the dog is very prey, whatever the word is, to small animals. Makes sense. It will have had to kill to eat and survive. Not the dogs fault. But it hasnt had long enough to trust the food supply. So that instinct to kill to survive is still there, and may always be. Without any hint of training, its not going away anytime soon.

So what about the time when he loses it totally, thinking he will starve if he doesnt kill the small animal in front of him and someone tries to stop him......

Christmas is a very stressful time for animals which I think gets forgotten. The different routines people popping by everyone being at home. That’s without introducing a large poorly behaved dog with a strong prey instinct into the mix. Can they not see how stressed your dog, kittens and ducks will be?
Strange dogs and kittens do not mix it will be hugely stressful for them having the scent of the dog in their safe place.

Loads of dogs also kill just for fun. They have never been ''starved''.

They don't even eat what they kill, they just do it for the hell of it, for the fun of it.

XL bullies killed a load of a farmer's sheep - great fat things they were.{The dogs}

Some dogs kill for the joy of it. The dopamine hit.

We adopted a cruelty case dog from RSPCA who was skin and bone- too thin to be released until she had put on a minimum amount of weight, which took 4 weeks.

Another more recent cruelty case, a skeletal sighthound a 1 on the scale, neither of these starved dogs are remotely interested in hunting and killing, despite being sighthounds. {Body scale pic- for confidentiality not going to share actual pics of the dogs I know of}

This dog kills because it likes it, and is allowed to by it's hopeless owner who can't be arsed to even train it.

I don't see how it can work unless BIL hires a pet sitter to stay at his house. I doubt kennels will accept his dog if it's that reactive.

There's no way you can realistically board all your pets to keep them safe and even if you could, it seems stressful unfair on your cats and dogs to have the scent of an unfamiliar dog all over their territory.

@twogreentrees what will you do if they show up Xmas day with dog

Your place your rules. Their dog needs training. If they stay with you, the dog needs to be in kennels for everyone’s wellbeing. Perhaps it is time the BIL took a turn in hosting? Or, you could just not host this year…

Sorry WTAF?!?! …… YANBU @twogreentrees ..

Your BIL & SIL have adopted a dog with issues, they chose to adopt a dog, they can not expect other people to welcome dogs into their homes, even if it was a perfectly behaved dog they shouldn’t just expect this!…. The fact it has a track record of killing practically every small creature in sight and hates other dogs… and you have a dog, kittens and poultry and it’s YOUR house just means the dog is not welcome….
You have not spoilt their anything…. They are welcome, the dog isn’t!…. It’s very much a them problem and your DH needs to grow a pair and support you… this isn’t @twogreentrees says no it’s him standing by you and telling his brother that you have BOTH talked and there is no way the dog could ever come to your house PERIOD!! …. If they push back he reminds them that you’ve been kind enough to host, fund and facilitate Christmas for close to two decades and he’s finding their attitude very ungrateful !!
Also how the hell does he know the dog doesn’t like kennels?!… could BIL ask on local face group dog groups if there’s anyone out there that can have a dog Christmas and Boxing Day in their home!…. There will be some dog sitter happy to do it… either way it’s his problem to sort, not yours!! It’s certainly not your responsibility to put your dog in kennels or lock all your pets away upstairs so that a guest who has stamped their feet can bring their nightmare pet!! The fact their kids won’t get to see family at Christmas is not your problem either…. They got a dog and the fact is when you get pets you know that you either have to find a sitter or leave them home alone!…. If they’re thy desperate to see everyone they can walk the dog in the morning, drive to you, see everyone for a couple of hours then drive home!….. or bring the dog to yours but leave it outside in the car! ….. we’ve done this before…. We’ve left our dogs in the boot of our car, popped out every couple of hours and walked them round the park for a quick run and to wee/poop… then popped them back in the car… I now leave them home and just give them a long walk before going to my parents so they just sleep all day… I realise BIL live a 6 hour round trip away….. but again they and people in general need to consider these things before getting a dog… especially if adopting one from abroad as they more often than not come with issues.
BUT yes your DH needs to show a United front and just say they are very welcome IF they can find alternative solution for doggy care! Maybe a neighbour could just pop in theirs to feed it and let it out twice a day?? … anyway that’s their issue to solve!

Don't blame the dog. You haven't trained him, now your fed up of him and showing all your affection to the cat, maybe he feels pushed out, yes animals have feelings as well as humans. If I was him I'd piss in your slippers. Poor dog. Get a child gate, take him out regularly and praise him for doing whatever outside. Otherwise get him done, and get someone to train him if your not capable.

Unbelievable! I have a dog and I would not dream of expecting this!! So entitled and sounds like they have infantilised this dog. He’s a much loved pet yes, but a friggin dog! Plus you have kittens! He’s nuts!

Are you on the right thread?

They are unbelievable and you are so NOT being unreasonable!

Have you read a different thread???? 😵‍💫

No they havent. The dog iss following its instinct of "kill to live", and was then "rescued" by the BIL who clearly did no research into just how much a dog like this would need in terms of training and care. They just saw something online and thought "Oh how cute, lets save a dog from a war zone".

The dog is just being a wild dog, as it has always been. You might be able to train that out of it, but its doubtful and takes a hell of a lot more commitment that the BIL is giving to it.

Wtf?

Sorry posted on wrong thread.

If I’m understanding this correctly, OP’s DH didn’t tell BIL he could bring the dog or offer to make other arrangements for OP’s pets. He only tried to brainstorm something that would keep both BIL and OP happy. I don’t think this is a case of a husband trying to appease his relatives at the expense of his wife. OP said no and it seems her DH is backing her up.

My DH did the same when his mom wanted to visit with her untrained, bitey dog. He never once told MIL she could bring the dog. He just tried to come up with an idea that both MIL and I would be happy with. When I said I would call animal control if her dog bit any of us, my DH accepted that the dog couldn’t come and told MIL no.

You said their dog is very noisy so not only will it be pacing as it can smell your animals in an unfamiliar house it will be very vocal and you will have a big dog lunging on a lead (tripping hazzard) when it catches sight of your free range ducks in the garden. The dog won’t even be able do a quick wee in the garden and if the ducks are penned for a couple of days I’m sure they will become vocal too. If the dog is male and stressed (even if neutered) he most probably will start marking in the house as it can smell your animals. Then if you put your dog in kennels not only have you got the added expense why should your dog have to go away to accommodate another and they expect to stay for a couple of nights?? You also know how it would end if said dog actually got hold of any animals!

Your BIL is taking the piss, his dog his problem that they cant come over and stay as they usually do, it’s up to him to find a sitter or dog walker to enable him and family to come for dinner and then go home.